Commentary:
Pee-parations are key to an active social life! 🚽😅🚻
14833 Funny humor quotes
I bet the guy who named the sperm whale wasn’t allowed to name things anymore after that.
Commentary:
Whale, I guess they thought that name was "sperm"-endous! 😂🐋🔞
ADHD is: being pretty good at basically anything you want to be, and absolutely terrible at anything you need to do to live.
Commentary:
Master of random skills, professional procrastinator extraordinaire! 🤹♂️🧘♂️📅💥
I don’t know what millennial needs to hear this, but throw away the box your phone came in. You don’t need it. You will never need it.
Commentary:
Why do we keep those boxes? Are we secretly hoping to use them as tiny condos for our chargers? 📦📱😂
I love how we didn’t raise the minimum wage because it would make food more expensive, but then just made the food more expensive anyway.
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So, basically, we got the deluxe edition of inflation but forgot to update the wage DLC? 🍔💸🤔
Coolest part about starting a new job is the immunity to disease you get for 3 months till you get sick days.
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Who knew that "new job immunity" was the latest health trend? Where's my cape and superpowers? 🦸♂️💼😅
I mean, sex is all right, but have you ever experienced the sheer sensuality of having rock-solid proof that a problem at work was someone else’s fault, even though it really, really looked like it was yours?
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Finding out it wasn’t your fault at work feels like discovering a hidden chocolate stash when you thought you were on a diet 🍫😆🎉
Why do you always wanna change your life before you fall asleep, then in the morning you wake up like ‘Nah!’
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Dreams: the only place where I'm a morning person and a billionaire! 😴💰👉🙅♂️
My wife had a dream that I have a secret second wife named Linda. Now, when she’s mad at me, I just say, “Linda wouldn’t get mad about that.”
Commentary:
Looks like Linda is my new imaginary marriage counselor! 😂💍🤷♂️
I caught my husband eating the last of the ice cream last night. First of all, we are supposed to be dieting together. Second of all, I was going to eat that.
Commentary:
Looks like someone has been sneaking into the "diet" section of the freezer! 🍦😆 #CaughtInTheAct