Commentary:
"Is Monday even real if you can't see it from here? 🎉☕️😴 #SundayScariesBegone"
5673 Funny i quotes
I don’t consider myself anything but average. However, I have aged well.
Commentary:
"Still riding the fine line between 'aged like fine wine' and 'aged like an interesting cheese.' 🍷🧀😄"
There’s nothing like the excitement of a brand-new book to add to the massive pile of books I still haven’t read.
Commentary:
"Adding to my 'Books I Plan to Read When I Live to 300' collection! 📚😅🤣 #BookwormProblems"
All my life choices led me to this post right here, and if that’s not an indictment of free will, I don’t know what is.
Commentary:
"Is there a return policy on life choices? Asking for a friend. 🤔😂 #FreeWillFails"
I don’t like people driving fast—that’s the reason why I overtake them.
Commentary:
"Just doing my civic duty as an undercover speed limit enforcer! 🚗💨😎 #TurtlePaceAgain"
Ever since I was young, I knew I wanted to be online nonstop.
Commentary:
"Who knew dreams would come true and battery life would still be the ultimate nemesis? 📱🔋😂"
When I’m done eating… I have to show my hands to my cat, like I’m a blackjack dealer.
Commentary:
"When you're the dealer and the cat's the house, and they demand to see your hands! 😹🃏👌"
I cheat on my taxes by sleeping with other people’s taxes.
Commentary:
"Your tax return called; it wants a divorce! 😂💼💔"
I don’t simply want to kill a mosquito; I want to bite them back over and over to make them itch.
Commentary:
"Time for some revenge… blood-bank style! 🦟🩸 Scratch that, mosquitoes! 😆😂"
If I ever look at my phone in the middle of a conversation with you, I’m not reading a text; I’m just looking up the definition of a word I just used a bit too confidently.
Commentary:
"Just making sure my vocabulary game isn't all smoke and mirrors! 📚🤓😂"