158 Funny ID quotes

• I’m sorry that I’m canceling plans. I made them last week when I assumed that, by now, I’d be a different person.

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  2 months ago

  canceling, commitment, different, different person, expectations, humor, i, ID, last, person, plans, procrastination, self-improvement, sorry, week

• The only reason I’d want to go to heaven is to complain to the manager.

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  2 months ago

  afterlife, complain, heaven, humor, ID, manager, reason, sarcasm, want

• I’d imagine the sound of clowns having sex would just be a cacophony of bicycle horns.

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  2 months ago

  absurdity, bicycle, bicycle horn, cacophony, clown, having, horn, humor, ID, imagination, imagine, just, sex, sound

• Enemies to lovers is only good if they’re gay. If I wanted to see a man and a woman yell at each other, I’d just go downstairs and eat with my parents.

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  2 months ago

  dinner, downstairs, eat, enemies, enemies to lovers, family, family dinner, gay, good, humor, i, ID, just, lovers, man, only, parents, relationship, stereotype, wanted, woman, yell

• If I had a dollar for every time someone called me fat, I’d probably just spend it on more bacon.

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  2 months ago

  bacon, dollar, every, fat, food, humor, i, ID, just, me, money, self-deprecation, someone, spend, spending, time

• If painting yourself into a corner was considered art, I’d be Michelangelo.

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  2 months ago

  art, corner, creativity, humor, ID, Michelangelo, painting, self-deprecation, yourself

• I was always told to eat all my food so that I’d grow to be big and strong. When exactly does the strong part kick in?

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  2 months ago

  always, big, eat, eating, exactly, expectations, food, grow, humor, i, ID, irony, kick, strength, strong

• Just once I’d like to buy a house plant that didn’t have the lifespan of a soap bubble.

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  2 months ago

  bubble, expectations, frustration, gardening, house, house plant, humor, ID, just, lifespan, plant, soap, soap bubble

• You don’t scare me, you’re not my ID photo.

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  2 months ago

  confidence, fear, humor, ID, me, photo, scare, self-esteem

• I’d rather throw everything I own in the trash than try to deal with people on Facebook Marketplace.

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  2 months ago

  annoyance, deal, dealing, dealing with people, everything, Facebook, Facebook Marketplace, frustration, humor, i, ID, marketplace, media, online, online marketplace, own, people, selling, selling online, social, social media, throw, trash, try

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