Commentary:
"Me at 2 AM asking for 'drink preferences' 😂🥂 #VampireBartender"
42 Funny sarcastic quotes
Non-alcoholic beer is like a vibrator without batteries: it fills you up nicely but without the buzz…
Commentary:
"When you're just here for the fizz, not the 'buzz'! 🍺🔋😄"
When I’m behind a slow car, I steer my car a little to the right so the people behind me can see that it isn’t my fault.
Commentary:
"Just doing my civic duty as a professional 'not-my-fault' driver! 🚗💨⬇️ #BlameTheSnail"
No one is more hated than those two people who start a standing ovation.
Commentary:
"Those two people are the real bravehearts of clap wars! 👐😂👏"
Landlord: I’m raising your rent. Me: Am I getting a bigger house?
Commentary:
🏠💰 "Landlord: I’m raising your rent.
Me: Cool, so is the house getting taller, wider, or just more sarcastic?" 😂🔑
If I had a boyfriend, I’d watch him dig a hole at the beach and be like, “Wowww, baby, good job. That’s a beautiful hole.
Commentary:
"Nothing screams romance like a man with a shovel and a dream! 😂🏖️👷♂️ #SandcastleGoals"
Stretching my back isn’t enough; I need to take out my spine and wring it out like a towel.
…
Commentary:
"BRB, just unscrewing my spine like it's IKEA furniture! 🛠️😂 #SpinalSpaDay"
I’m a strong, independent woman, but like, against my will.
…
Commentary:
"When life throws independence at you and you're stuck with it, but hey, at least I can open my own pickle jars now! 🥒💪😂"
I wish rolling your eyes burned calories.
Commentary:
"With the amount of eye rolls I do daily, I'd be a fitness icon by now! 🙄💪😂"
Born to say “Who the hell raised you to be this stupid.” Forced to work in groups.
Commentary:
"Guess I'm in a permanent group project with the universe 🤔🤦♂️ #RaisedByDPs"