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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇫 has downloaded:

You ever meet an all-male friend group that is less a group of friends than it is “one guy and his henchmen”?

Someone from 🇻🇨 has viewed:

The horror of being warned that the person you’re about to meet is “fine once you get to know them”.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has shared:

Ants can be found on every continent except Antarctica, which is weird considering their name.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has downloaded:

Adult friendships are difficult. The people I get on best with never want to leave the house either.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has copied:

When my husband says he’ll just be a minute, I know I have enough time to watch an entire television series, paint the house, or go on a quest.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has copied:

Going to ask seven friends for advice and then execute my original plan.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has copied:

We should all start texting each other like old time explorers. ‘Dearest friend, I have survived another week. The horrors persist.’

Someone from 🇧🇯 has shared:

The younger generation will never know the fear and anxiety of calling your friend’s house, and their parents answer the phone.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has shared:

What’s my net worth? Buddy, I don’t own a net.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has shared:

Life hack: give yourself 8 to 12 hours of alone time in the morning to mentally prepare for the day.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

501 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,094

Funny Quotes Topics

17,246

Funny Quotes Images

15,094

Updated

Dec 22, 2025

Users Online

4,039

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Telegram:

A tip for your next salary negotiation: simply tell your boss “either I get a pay rise or I go out and tell everyone I got one!”

Live now on Messenger:

When I was a kid, no phones or tablets. We just read the cereal box at breakfast.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

You can be anything. Be the person who ends meetings early.

Shared recently on TikTok:

They give smokers all those breaks to make up for the time taken off their lifespan.

Trending via YouTube:

Someone asked me if I had any hobbies and I panicked and said “lasagna”.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

How long are you allowed to hide in the bathroom during family visits?

Just shared via Snapchat:

Everyone hates on the dentist but at least they don’t try to weigh you.

Just landed via Snapchat:

May her tire get flat with a dude who can’t change it.

Breaking via X:

If you say something while exhaling smoke, it is 10 times more profound.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

It’s like my wish isn’t even your command anymore…

Home » Funny Show Quotes » Page 13

122 Funny show quotes

More funny show quotes 👇

If you say my name three times in the mirror, I show up and kiss you on the forehead.

0

5 months ago

forehead, humor, i, joke, kiss, mirror, name, playful, say, show, superstition, three, times
Only here for the honeymoon phase, don’t show me your true colors.

0

5 months ago

color, colors, dating, here, honesty, honeymoon, honeymoon phase, humor, me, only, phase, relationship, sarcasm, show, true, true color

For even more funny show quotes, hit next 👇

All funny show quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

18 shares on Threads this month:

The devil couldn’t reach me so he made sure my love life was bullshit.

22 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Give us this day our daily internet validation.

68 shares on Slack this month:

I always cook with wine. Sometimes I even add it to the food.

26 shares on Instagram this month:

I am awake. Please respect my privacy during this difficult time.

54 shares on Threads this month:

The easiest way to bundle your home and auto insurance is to live in your car.

49 shares on X this month:

The peace of not knowing.

78 shares on Threads this month:

(pausing the TV and turning to my kids) Now I want to talk to you guys for a second about what Bart just told that man to do.

22 shares on Twitch this month:

Monday again. I just knew this would happen.

39 shares on YouTube this month:

Not now, kitten. Mommy’s destroying and betraying herself for nothing.

28 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I delete posts cause I be getting mature over the hours.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇸 has bookmarked:

“I’ve never done parkour, but I have chased a toddler with an open Sharpie through the house.”

Someone from 🇲🇩 has shared:

Listen to the birds, not the news.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has shared:

I ordered a new umbrella on Amazon and had it delivered straight to the lost and found office to maximize efficiency.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has copied:

I had a marvelous time ruining everything.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has viewed:

Baby, we believe in God around here, I don’t care what’s trending these days.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has shared:

Being on Twitter right now is like playing the violin on the Titanic, except we are also making fun of the iceberg and the iceberg is getting genuinely mad.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has viewed:

People who pee in the shower, have you thought about peeing before you get in the shower?

Someone from 🇫🇯 has copied:

Sending messages is easy. Living with them forever is the hard part.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has downloaded:

I be butt naked, texting people, and they’ll never know.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has shared:

So apparently if they ask “do you trust me?”, replying with “well, I trust you to be you” is the incorrect response.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Twitch:

The only ‘survival horror’ game I play is called ‘getting up every day and leaving the house.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

I woke up, got out of bed, and had coffee. I think that’s enough for one day.

Trending via Instagram:

Everyone is posting their vacation pictures and I’m like… I went shopping.

Seen just now on Discord:

Each day on Twitter, there is one main character. The goal is to never be it.

Just shared via WeChat:

To the people who have only fans, what’s stopping you from upgrading to an air conditioner?

Shared recently on X:

Cats hear everything. They just don’t care.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Welcome to Twitter, where people never let their lack of knowledge get in the way of expressing a strong opinion.

Broadcasted on Threads:

Little kid on the plane to Boston says “do they speak English there?” and his mom says “kinda!”

Making waves on Facebook:

I haven’t posted a selfie in a while, but I’m still very cute. Just to keep you updated.

Just landed via TikTok:

There are always new uncomplimentary angles to view yourself from. Keep contorting!

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Activity Log ✨

122 Funny show quotes

More funny show quotes 👇

If you say my name three times in the mirror, I show up and kiss you on the forehead.

Only here for the honeymoon phase, don’t show me your true colors.

All funny show quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨