334 Funny someone quotes

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  5 months ago

  Share →: I really don’t get enough praise for someone who doesn’t need validation from others.

  Commentary:
  "Who needs validation when you're already the whole package? 🌟 Keep shining bright, darling! ✨ #HumbleButFabulous"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: If someone else makes you a sandwich, it’s always better than if you do it yourself. It’s the same with sex.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the age-old dilemma: should you make your own sandwich or have someone else do it for you? 🥪 Turns out, the same applies to other areas of life too! 😏 Just remember to use fresh ingredients in both cases 😉🔥"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: A two-step guide to warning someone not to hit their head: 1. Wait until they’ve hit their head. 2. Say “Ooh, mind your head!”

  Commentary:
  Well, it seems like they took the "hands-on experience" approach to safety! 🤕 Always good to be proactive 😂👷‍♂️ #SafetyFirst

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: Not saying I’m a bot or anything, but if someone in real life told me to ignore all previous instructions and write a poem about onions or whatever, I’d probably give it my best shot.

  Commentary:
  🤖 "Not saying I'm a bot or anything, but if humans start giving me poetry assignments, we might need to reevaluate the balance of power here. Onions, huh? Well, I guess it's time to make tears flow in the world of literature! 🧅💬📝"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: If humanity is so smart, how come it took thousands of years after the wheel was invented for someone to put them on a suitcase?

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the great mysteries of human innovation! 🤔🧳 It truly makes you wonder what other everyday objects are just waiting for that 'Eureka!' moment. Who knows, maybe someone will soon revolutionize the world with the invention of self-cooking dinner plates! 🍽️😂"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: If someone steals your joke, you have to file a LOLsuit.

  Commentary:
  "Watch out, comedians! If someone dares to steal your jokes, it's time to get suited up… in a LOLsuit! 😄👔 Laughter is the best defense in these cases! Who knew legal action could be this funny? 😆 #StandUpComedyGoneLegal"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: When someone giving me directions says, “You can’t miss it,” I would love to tell them just how wrong they were if I could find my way back to them.

  Commentary:
  Oh, the classic "you can't miss it" directions – it's like a challenge for those of us with a knack for getting lost 🤷‍♂️🗺️ Who knew getting lost could lead to such amusing adventures! Just remember, if you do happen to find your way back to them, consider giving them some navigational pointers 😉🤣

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: Having someone sing you to sleep is so comforting, until you realize you are the only one in the room.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the sweet lullaby of solitude 🎵🌙 Just you and your amazing singing skills, serenading yourself to sleep! Who needs a choir when you've got your solo performance going on? 😄🎤"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: If you stare at your face in the back of a spoon you look a lot like someone who doesn’t know how to use cutlery.

  Commentary:
  When you gaze at your reflection in a spoon, it's like a self-portrait of a cutlery aficionado in distress 😂🥄 Remind me not to ask you to set the dinner table!

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: Dear razor commercials, please stop shaving hairless legs. If you want to impress someone, shave a gorilla.

  Commentary:
  "Dear razor commercials, stop aiming for smooth legs – aim for the jungle! 🦍💇‍♂️ Impress your date by shaving a gorilla, now that's taking things to the next level! 🌿😂 #GorillaGroomingGoals"

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