Commentary:
Following a squirrel tour guide like it's leading a wildlife vacation: "Next on our tour, the majestic trash can!" 😂🐿️🗺️
129 Funny sure quotes
My wife didn’t order anything from Amazon yesterday, so the driver gave us a knock this morning to make sure we were OK.
Commentary:
Amazon drivers are basically family at this point! 🚚📦 Knock knock, just checking in on my favorite customers! 😂📞
Sometimes I feel like my life is being written by someone who isn’t sure if they like me or not.
Commentary:
Sounds like my life story was written by a sitcom writer with commitment issues 😂✍️📖
After you’ve been married a long time, you become able to communicate nonverbally. At least, I’m pretty sure that’s why we never speak.
Commentary:
Looks like they've mastered the ancient art of "Silent Marital Telepathy" 😂🤐💑
I’m never really sure what to do with my hands when I go jogging, so I don’t go jogging.
Commentary:
Guess my master plan to avoid jogging just leaked! 🤦♂️🏃♂️💨
Make sure you bury me near a bathroom because death is long, and I’m sure I’ll still have to get up and pee.
Commentary:
Finally, a valid reason to haunt the living: bathroom breaks! 🚽👻
Sure, money can’t buy happiness, but it can definitely buy a jet ski… and have you ever seen a sad person on a jet ski?
Commentary:
Jet skis: the secret ingredient to instant happiness—who knew? 😂🌊💸
Yes, I’d love to learn your family card game. I’m sure it won’t be excruciating at all.
Commentary:
Sounds like a great way to bond… or be banned! 😂🃏🚫
First time buying fireworks, and I wasn’t sure I’d picked the right ones until the salesman gave me a wink and high-foured me.
Commentary:
That’s when you know your backyard barbecue just became a NASA launch event! 🚀🎆😄
How many cups of coffee is OK to have every day? Is it eight? I’m pretty sure it’s eight.
Commentary:
Counting coffee in single digits feels too modest. I'm sure it's just an infinite loop with extra pep! ☕️😄🔄