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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇱🇺 has bookmarked:

I’m accused of being a plagiarist. Their words, not mine.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has downloaded:

Spiraling out of control if anyone wants anything.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has shared:

Reverse cowgirl so I can bend backward and look at him like the Exorcist.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has downloaded:

All I’m saying is, there are too many songs about love and not enough songs about evenly layered nachos.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has viewed:

I made you snort laugh, so we’re going out, right?

Someone from 🇦🇺 has viewed:

Roses are red. Bumble bees buzz. This rhyme doesn’t rhyme. No, wait, yes it does.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has bookmarked:

Judging by the hair on my couch, I’m surprised I have any cat left at all.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has downloaded:

At the club asking for Ibuprofen.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has downloaded:

I’m not calling anyone daddy unless I’m asking for money for the mall.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has copied:

Being in a rich person’s house is so stressful. Like, why am I struggling to find the trash?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2448 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,610

Funny Quotes Topics

15,283

Funny Quotes Images

12,610

Updated

11 minutes ago

Users Online

3,460

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Diet tip: Your pants can’t get too tight if you never wear any.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Yeah, Instagram is bad for our mental health, but what about Outlook?

Making waves on Messenger:

If a man says “I don’t deserve you,” believe him. Because he is about to show you why.

Shared recently on Threads:

Everybody has a girlfriend and a boyfriend, and I’m over here like “I love food”.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

The lion does not concern himself with social proof.

Going viral on Discord:

My favorite part about going camping is the part where I stay at home, and I don’t go camping.

Seen just now on Instagram:

I’ve learned two important things in life, I can’t remember the first one, but the second one is to write everything down.

Live now on Snapchat:

She’s probably just not using her phone right now for the first time ever in her whole life.

Just landed via Reddit:

I know which nation I like best. Hibernation.

Going viral on TikTok:

Whoever invented the “skip intro” button really understood humans.

Home » Funny Things Quotes » Page 3

198 Funny things quotes

More funny things quotes 👇

2 weeks ago
Share →: Some things are better left unsaid, unless you’re on X.

Commentary:
Why keep it to yourself when you can share it with the world and regret it later? 😂🔊 #NoFilter
3 weeks ago
Share →: The older I get, the more I don’t want to do things.

Commentary:
Ah, the irresistible gravitational pull of the couch strikes again! 🛋️😂👴
3 weeks ago
Share →: I just want to find someone that gets annoyed by the same things as I do.

Commentary:
Relationship goals: synchronizing our eye rolls 😆🙄❤️
3 weeks ago
Share →: Cool things happen when you start hanging out outside a lot. Animals just appear and stuff.

Commentary:
Sounds like my social life—suddenly I'm surrounded by squirrels instead of humans! 🐿️🌳😄
3 weeks ago
Share →: My favorite conspiracy theory is that things will get better.

Commentary:
Sounds like we need the FBI (Federal Bureau of Improvement) on this case! 🔍😂✨
3 weeks ago
Share →: I can do a lot of things, but listening to someone chew is not one of them.

Commentary:
Trying to stay calm while someone chews next to me is my new extreme sport 🤣🤯🍽️
3 weeks ago
Share →: My hobbies include adding things to my cart, and never buying them.

Commentary:
Cart collector in training 🛒😂 Just call me the window shopping champion! 🏆✨
4 weeks ago
Share →: I love being a pretty woman because it widens the threshold for cringe-worthy things I can say.

Commentary:
Being a pretty woman is like having a golden ticket to the cringe Olympics! 😂🎟️💃
4 weeks ago
Share →: Say what you want about online meetings, but there are few things more liberating than attending a disciplinary hearing naked from the waist down.

Commentary:
Zooming into discipline with style and a little extra breeze 😂🍑💻
4 weeks ago
Share →: Grant me the serenity to supernaturally change the things I cannot accept.

Commentary:
When you can't find your keys and consider hiring a magician instead of searching again. 🧙‍♂️🔮🔑

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇹 has downloaded:

Be nice to your children’s teachers. Especially elementary ones, cause kids have loose lips and that teacher has all the dirt on you.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has downloaded:

The first guy to clap after seeing something cool must have been like “what the hell am I doing?”

Someone from 🇺🇦 has copied:

Every person you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Make it worse by asking if they’re drinking enough water.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has shared:

I’ve been dieting for a little over a week and I already gained three pounds.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has copied:

I find it hard to believe I used to just answer my phone when it rang. No caller ID. No idea who was calling. Just picked it up and said “hello” like a goddam daredevil.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has bookmarked:

Thank you, Facebook memories, for constantly reminding me of the shitty taste in men I had for the majority of my life.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has downloaded:

Confucius says: “Those who drink a lot die earlier, but have seen twice as much in life.”

Someone from 🇮🇱 has shared:

Zelda was easier as a kid because if you hit a hard puzzle, you could just wait a few days for more brain matter to come in, but now it’s the opposite.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has bookmarked:

I’ve finally found out what chronology is. And it’s about time.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has downloaded:

Updating my resume. Anyone got a more professional word for “dumpster fire”?

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Pinterest:

I invoiced my boss two extra hours for the dream I had about work last night. I’m considering that overtime.

Breaking via Twitch:

Body: Time to sleep. Brain: Hey, that’s an interesting thought, here’s six billion more.

Making waves on Messenger:

If sex was strictly meant for procreation, why did God make it feel so good?

Reported on Facebook:

Croutons feel like an apology. “Sorry we gave you salad. Have some consolation toast.”

Breaking via X:

Everyone’s an expert after the fact.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

There’s a fat man inside me dying to get out.

Just shared via Discord:

Women swear they be broke… Then, all of a sudden, here comes that Shein delivery.

Just shared via Messenger:

I need to eat healthier but donuts exist.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

I prefer not to think before speaking. I like being as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

I wanna meet the person whose parents are super disappointed he went to medical school instead of becoming a stand-up comedian.

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Activity Log ✨

198 Funny things quotes

More funny things quotes 👇

For even more funny things quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

All funny things quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

If I could go back in time, I’d probably stop Bruce Willis from saving us from that asteroid.

The person opposite me has a donut. I do not have a donut. That should be my donut. This person is now my arch nemesis.

It’s not a competition, but if it was I would win.

Before I start seeing a psychiatrist, does anyone like me crazy?

Distance is my jam; solitude is my peanut butter.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

I’m going to sleep. Anyone want anything?

You never realize how long a minute is until you’re doing cardio.

Schrodinger’s Immigrant: A person who is simultaneously too lazy to work, but is also stealing your job.

The highlight of my weekends is slipping into something more comfortable and putting my feet up.

Had a king sized bed all to myself last night. Must be what Rose felt like on that door.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Still holding out hope that these intrusive thoughts are just gas.

They say money can’t buy happiness, but could someone just give me a lot of it and let me see for myself?

Airports are so funny. Like, “Oh, you’re flying across the country? Would you like to hang out in a mall first?”

In a parallel universe, there’s a happy me.

“I asked Grok.” “I asked ChatGPT.” Well, I’ve sacrificed a sheep.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

I like listening to true crime podcasts while I clean my bathroom because I can pretend I’m destroying evidence.

I’d tell you to go to hell, but I work there and I don’t want to see you every day.

Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow just as well.

If I were lost and all I had was a compass, I would still be lost.

Just because your parents planned you doesn’t mean you weren’t a mistake.

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