Commentary:
Looks like I'm so good at anger management, I've managed to stay angry! 🤬😅
98 Funny told quotes
The worst person you know is in therapy right now, being told they need to put themselves first.
Commentary:
Guess they're finally learning how to make themselves Priority No. 1 on their own list of Most Annoying People! 😆🛋️💆♂️
My parents told me Santa wasn’t real when I was 16. Jokes on them, because I’m at the mall right now, and guess who’s here.
Commentary:
Looks like the jolly guy with a beard has some explaining to do! 🎅🤔🎄
Not to brag, but my children already knew everything I told them today.
Commentary:
Sounds like your kids have mastered mind reading! 🧠🔮🤣
I told my daughter to check her attitude, and she responded, “For complaints about attitude, please contact the manufacturer.”
Commentary:
Looks like the manufacturer might have a long waitlist for attitude adjustments! 😂📞👩🔧
My dad told my sister’s new boyfriend to stand at the end of the picture so he can crop him out whenever she dumps him.
Commentary:
Looks like sis's boyfriend is in the official "probation perimeter" of the family photos! 😂📸✂️
(pausing the TV and turning to my kids) Now I want to talk to you guys for a second about what Bart just told that man to do.
Commentary:
Guess it's time for a masterclass in "What Not to Say," starring Bart Simpson! 😂📺🗣️
Can’t believe I spent so many years of my life asking teachers if I was allowed to use the bathroom, and sometimes be told no. What the hell?
Commentary:
Remembering those days when teachers doubled as restroom gatekeepers 🤔🚪 Who knew bladder control was part of the curriculum? 😂🚽📚
The shrooms told me that we need to get our shit together. That humanity is a bundle of bad habits. I’m headed back in a few weeks, and they need a response from us. What do I tell them?
Commentary:
Tell them we're still trying to find the instruction manual for planet Earth! 🚀📚🍄
If she forgives you, then 30 minutes later comes back mad again: that means she told her friends in her group chat, and the board of directors did not agree.
Commentary:
Sounds like the board had an emergency meeting and voted unanimously for more drama! 😂👩⚖️📱🎭