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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇴 has copied:

Presumably, if you had a time machine, you could just kill young adult Hitler. The baby part seems gratuitous.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has bookmarked:

Getting an extra 20 minutes in the day when someone cancels a meeting is like finding a penny on the ground. Not gonna use it for anything, but wow, am I excited.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has viewed:

They portray Pilates like it’s this cute girly thing and it’s actually training for combat.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has copied:

(british guy unhooking your bra) All right, what’s all this, then?

Someone from 🇹🇻 has viewed:

God knew I would be too powerful if I had conversation skills.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has shared:

Damaged inside, but outside we keep it gangsta.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has copied:

I really can’t wait until it all works out.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has bookmarked:

I spend all day on Facebook so that Mark Zuckerberg can eat.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has copied:

As highly as it’s esteemed, the Mayo Clinic still sounds like the place sick sandwiches go to get better.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has shared:

I love coming home and being at home and sitting inside my home and staying home.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,339

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Reddit:

If you’re cremated after you die, you can be put into an hourglass and continue to participate in family game night.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

The problem with relationships these days is you don’t know if you’re the one being cheated on, or cheated with.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Damaged inside, but outside we keep it gangsta.

Going bananas on Reddit:

Sorry for levitating at the end of your bed all night, I just think you’re really cute.

Trending via LinkedIn:

My bed has a stronger influence on me than my ambitions.

Making waves on Discord:

Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I wanted to annoy the shit out of a beautiful man for the rest of my life.

Freshly posted on Slack:

I told my daughter to check her attitude, and she responded, “For complaints about attitude, please contact the manufacturer.”

Freshly posted on Twitch:

My showers take so long because I always hold a shower concert.

Going viral on Slack:

Getting up early would be easier if we could keep our eyes closed.

Just landed via Twitch:

Y’all can keep the nonchalant ones — I want mine weak in the knees about me.

If I was on Love Island, I wouldn’t be fighting anyone or starting drama. I would just be playing mermaids in the pool the whole time. They’ve got that giant, beautiful pool, and nobody’s using it.

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Commentary:
🌊🤿 "Forget the drama, I'm just here for synchronized swimming and mermaid auditions. Who's got the glitter tails?" 🧜✨

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Keep the laugh going 😂

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

77 shares on LinkedIn this month:

When planning dinner, remember that ice-cream has both calcium and protein.

57 shares on X this month:

What no one tells you about having kids is that within a few years you’re in possession of a lot of teeth that you have no idea what to do with.

48 shares on Messenger this month:

Not to brag, but I don’t fight with people on the internet.

45 shares on X this month:

The worst part about working from home is that your real husband is also your work husband.

77 shares on Threads this month:

The sexiest woman you know is trying to maintain her balance between insanity and genius.

22 shares on Messenger this month:

We need a true crime show called Downtown Stabby.

83 shares on Messenger this month:

You can’t fix stupid, but you can watch it in action on social media every day.

52 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Does the HDMI cord have the most dominant run of any cord ever?

12 shares on Threads this month:

This meeting could have been a cake.

69 shares on WeChat this month:

Being in love will have you put your pride aside and go to places you never thought you would, like New Jersey.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I may have bags under my eyes, but they’re Versace.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Teach a man to fish, and he will eat for a lifetime. Teach your kid about stingrays, and he will pretend to sting you all afternoon.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

After Michael Jordan joined a religious order, he was known as Air Friar.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Come on, brain, release the happy chemicals.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Not to be a nerd, but a well-placed semicolon is hot as hell.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Theo Von’s entire life is like a raccoon that visits New York City.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Sometimes being alive feels like being a pornstar who is asexual.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Getting emotional thinking about everything SpongeBob has been through and his resilience despite it all.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

People always tell me I’d be “late to my own funeral” like it’s a bad thing. They’d be lucky if I even showed up to that depressing shit.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

“Angry on the internet” is such an unfortunate personality.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,397

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇷 has shared:

Labubu?! Sounds like a name picked mid-sneeze!

Someone from 🇦🇺 has copied:

I am physically, mentally and emotionally ready to enter a new phase in my life…. hibernation.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has shared:

No one watches your story faster than someone who doesn’t talk to you.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has copied:

Why’s it always “NYC smells like pee” and never “my pee smells like the greatest city in the world”?

Someone from 🇱🇹 has shared:

The amount of water you actually need to drink to be hydrated is so obscene. Who does this body think it is? A data center?

Someone from 🇻🇨 has copied:

Imagine hating me, and I’m not even paying attention.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has copied:

I can’t even think straight knowing a package got delivered while I’m not home.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has viewed:

Imagine hating on me and I’m just in my room also hating on me.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has viewed:

It turns out when someone asks who your favorite child is, you’re supposed to choose from your own. I know that now.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has copied:

If you can’t tell which family member is coming up the stairs by the speed and weight of their footsteps, are you even family?

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Pinterest:

If we hadn’t made them extinct, instead of Kung Fu Panda we could have had Tae Kwon Dodo.

Going viral on Twitch:

When physical labor became optional, we invented the gym. We’ll need the same thing for the mind.

Broadcasted on Slack:

“I have a date with destiny.” Yeah well, I’m in a long-term relationship with the consequences of my actions.

Seen just now on Discord:

Playing dead when a cop pulls me over.

Freshly posted on X:

Can you check if my lips taste like cherries?

Broadcasted on Discord:

The thing about being 50+ is that whenever an opportunity to pee is available – you’re wise to take it.

Freshly posted on Discord:

A woman’s sigh can speak a 1000 words.

Trending via Threads:

Hot girls have a private Instagram account with 20 followers.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

It’s funny how drinking 8 cups of water a day seems impossible, but 7 beers and 5 shots in two hours go down like a fat kid on a seesaw.

Just shared via YouTube:

Moose would have been a better name for a cow.

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