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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇴 has copied:

I’m pretending to be a hot girl on Tinder so I can match with my roommate and tell him I’m coming over, so he’ll clean the apartment.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has viewed:

No parenting book prepares you for the stank of your kid’s soccer bag.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has downloaded:

Making things weird is probably the only thing I’m good at.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has shared:

Babe, is everything OK? You’ve barely accomplished anything at all in your entire life.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has downloaded:

Any jar is a swear jar when the lid won’t open.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has bookmarked:

Forget pheromones, barbecue smells are always attractive.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has downloaded:

Just because I’m friendly doesn’t mean I like you. It just means that I’m not rude.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has viewed:

After weeks of using an anti aging cream, I can now proudly say: I now have very well-maintained wrinkles.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has copied:

I’m not saying I’m messy, but if Copperfield knew what I can make disappear, he’d be jealous.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has downloaded:

My longest relationship has been with my Hotmail account.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Dec 31, 2025

3,641

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

My kids will never appreciate the amount of extroverting the introvert me does for them.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Acting jealous while secretly cheating is a pure talent of witchcraft.

Going viral on Messenger:

Sleeping is nice, because you’re not actually dead and you’re not awake, so its a win-win situation.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Hyphenated. Non-hyphenated. The irony.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

I’ve got 99 problems. I know this because I wake up in the middle of the night to review each and every one of them in great detail.

Spotted on Reddit:

In a parallel universe, I go to bed early and wake up fresh and unstoppable.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Every man’s biggest fear is trying a new barber.

Just shared via Discord:

My husband was unable to find his coat earlier as he’d accidentally hung it up.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

I often choose gift bags instead of wrapping, not just out of laziness, but also because I have the fine motor skills of a drunken panda.

Seen just now on Messenger:

For my future, I wish for another planet and a ticket to get there.

If someone ghosts you, respect the dead and never disturb them again.

2 months ago

0

If someone ghosts you, respect the dead and never disturb them again.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Remember, even in the spooky world of dating ghosts, always show some respect 👻🚫 Unless you're into haunting relationships, then go ahead and send a ghostly 'Boo!' 🎃😄 Just keep it ghostly chic, darling! 💁‍♂️💀"

again, dating, dead, disturb, ghost, ghosts, humor, never, relationship, respect, someone

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Peter Parker having to juggle a day job with being a superhero feels kinda stupid nowadays. Just launch a Patreon, my man. Throw a PayPal link in that Spider-bio.

0

2 months ago

being, day, day job, having, humor, job, juggling, just, man, modern, modern problems, parker, Patreon, PayPal, peter, Peter Parker, problems, Spider-bio, stupid, superhero, throw
I’m a strong, independent woman, but like, against my will.

0

2 months ago

humor, humorous, humorous quote, independent, independent woman, irony, sarcastic, sarcastic humor, self-empowerment, strong, strong woman, woman
When I get married, I want my wedding video to be filmed like it’s an episode of The Office. I want camera zooms, eye contact, side commentary— all of it.

0

2 months ago

camera, camera zoom, commentary, contact, episode, eye, eye contact, humor, i, marriage, married, office, side, style, The Office, video, video style, want, wedding, wedding video, Zoom
On the internet, you can be anything you want. It’s strange that so many people choose to be stupid.

0

2 months ago

anything, behavior, choose, commentary, humor, identity, internet, online, online behavior, people, social, social commentary, strange, stupid, stupidity, want
I lied, there’s no sex. Stand over there and tell me if this painting I’m hanging is straight.

0

2 months ago

art, hang, humor, lie, painting, relationship, sex, straight, tell
Shaved my bush and went down a pants size.

0

2 months ago

body, body grooming, bush, fashion, grooming, humor, loss, pants, pants size, shave, shaved, size, weight, weight loss

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

62 shares on Threads this month:

Job interviewer: Where do you see yourself in 5 years? Me: I would say my biggest weakness is listening.

14 shares on Messenger this month:

I can’t wait to retire so I can get up at 6 a.m. and go drive around really slow and make everybody late for work.

14 shares on Reddit this month:

The best cuddles are the ones where you don’t have to deflate her when you’re done.

75 shares on Instagram this month:

I personally feel like I have what it takes to become a fossil.

18 shares on Twitch this month:

My girlfriend? You wouldn’t know her, she’s in a different data center.

68 shares on Facebook this month:

You get what you pay for. Unless the delivery man leaves it on your doorstep. Then the fastest person on your street gets what you paid for.

66 shares on Threads this month:

If you ever need me, call me any time, day or night, and I’ll return your call when I get around to it.

69 shares on TikTok this month:

When you clean your room so well that the only trash left is you.

28 shares on X this month:

My five-year plan is to get back my whimsy, joy, childlike wonder.

43 shares on Discord this month:

Pinterest is so therapeutic. There’s no drama, no one to argue with. Just pretty pictures.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

22 folks are currently checking 👀

The little umbrella is so unnecessary. Like, my drink is already wet, bro.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Why is sugar SO addictive, and broccoli is just like, “I’ll be here when you need me”

22 folks are currently checking 👀

If you want to complain about my driving at least calm down and get off my hood first.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

When a door closes in life, sometimes it’s better to grab a hammer and nails and make sure the damn thing stays shut.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

The paintings I always like the most in museums are the ones that have a bench.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Of course, being a child is terrible. They don’t give you any money, and then make you watch commercials the whole time.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t post for money or fame, I post because there’s something seriously wrong with me.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

You can have glossy lips or you can have a cat. You can’t have both.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

There’s something fundamentally wrong with the way people interact with each other on LinkedIn.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s weird when you realize that what you thought was rock bottom was actually somewhere around rock middle.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,272

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇭 has bookmarked:

Socialism is like polio, it comes back when people forget about the horrible damage it did last time.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has copied:

When you are stressed you eat ice cream, cake, chocolate and sweets, because stressed spelled backwards is desserts.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has copied:

Eating nothing but beer for a month and calling that Oktoberfast.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has shared:

I hate it when I do the math about where my money went, and it all adds up. No one robbed me; I didn’t lose it. It was really all me.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has copied:

I purposely overcook my holiday turkeys so I don’t have to hear anyone at the table say, “moist.”

Someone from 🇧🇬 has viewed:

Actually, this email could’ve been a meeting. We could’ve spent an hour on the clock talking shit and gossiping. Someone could’ve brought bagels.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has bookmarked:

I don’t need a maid. I just need someone to tell me once a week that they’re coming to visit, and I’ll panic-clean my entire house in less than an hour.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has bookmarked:

I respect perfume commercials being like we can’t show you a smell mind if we just go insane for 30 seconds.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has viewed:

Sex is fine, but have you ever completed every single thing on your to-do list?

Someone from 🇨🇳 has bookmarked:

If you can’t handle me at my worst, then honestly, you’re missing out because that’s when my jokes and bits get really, really good.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Discord:

Love is in the air, but so is the flu. Wash your hands!

Going bananas on Facebook:

Just had a salad but it didn’t make me laugh like women in stock photos.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

A credit card is kind of like a gift card to every store.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

It sucks when a woman realizes that her knight in shining armor was actually just a moron wrapped in tinfoil.

Just shared via X:

Signatures are so unserious, just “pinky promise” for adults. Write your name in a silly little way on this very important piece of paper so we that we can send you to jail if you do anything wrong.

Making waves on WeChat:

Drinking at home is convenient, sure, but it’s nothing like the experience of leaving the pub feeling fifty bucks lighter.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

I’m gonna start sending women unsolicited pizza pics.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

One man’s worst nightmare (me) is another man’s peace (also me).

Breaking via Slack:

Sometimes I see how many vacations people take and I wonder if I’m bad with money or if they are.

Breaking via X:

Don’t invite me if there’s nowhere to sit down.

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