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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇻 has viewed:

I think more people would actually heal from their trauma if they got revenge.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has viewed:

When Hulk wrecks shit he’s “incredible.” When I do it I’m “causing a scene” and “need to leave this place immediately.”

Someone from 🇦🇴 has downloaded:

Sex is cool, but have you ever had garlic bread?

Someone from 🇦🇲 has bookmarked:

I have no desire to work now. I had five days off in a row where I dined at a feast and was entertained at a cinema. I have flown too high to return to a laptop.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has downloaded:

It amazes me how much exercise and extra fries sound alike.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has copied:

My neighbor is having some kind of party and didn’t invite me. I guess I have to call the cops again.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has copied:

They say dress for the job you want, but this baby diaper isn’t very comfortable.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has bookmarked:

Haircuts should be covered by insurance.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has downloaded:

I really hope that I look like the mirror version of me, and not the camera version.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has downloaded:

Sometimes being a woman is just trying to figure out if you’re hormonally sad, seasonally sad, or genuinely falling apart.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Dec 31, 2025

3,331

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on WeChat:

Applying for jobs sometimes is wild, like how am I supposed to be passionate about a company I don’t even work for yet?

Trending via X:

How did the person who invented the spelling of “banana” decide when to stop?

Live now on Reddit:

Super excited for a brand new week of hoping for the best, but expecting the worst.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Telling men I have a boyfriend doesn’t chase them away anymore, so I’ve started telling them I have a child.

Just shared via Facebook:

To all of you who have never tried blindfold archery: You don’t know what you’re missing!

Freshly posted on Threads:

Having hoes in different area codes sounds really exhausting.

Spreading quickly via X:

I keep my eyes in great shape by rolling them constantly.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

The sexual tension between me and a late afternoon coffee to get me through the workday.

Breaking via WeChat:

Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and, instead of bleeding, he sings.

Making waves on Instagram:

I hate when the lotion bottle pump squirts the hardened remains of its mucus plug into the palm of your hand.

If someone ghosts you, respect the dead and never disturb them again.

2 months ago

0

If someone ghosts you, respect the dead and never disturb them again.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Remember, even in the spooky world of dating ghosts, always show some respect 👻🚫 Unless you're into haunting relationships, then go ahead and send a ghostly 'Boo!' 🎃😄 Just keep it ghostly chic, darling! 💁‍♂️💀"

again, dating, dead, disturb, ghost, ghosts, humor, never, relationship, respect, someone

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I feel like I’m in season 5 of my life, and the writers are just making ridiculous shit happen to keep it interesting.

0

2 months ago

5, entertainment, feel, happen, humor, i, interesting, irony, just, keep, life, making, ridiculous, season, shit, storytelling, writers
My kids wanted a spooky story from the olden days so I told them the internet used to scream when you turned it on.

0

2 months ago

days, humor, i, internet, kids, nostalgia, olden, olden days, parenting, scream, spooky, spooky story, story, technology, used, wanted
Why can’t Chinese restaurants chop the broccoli in their dishes? I feel like I’m trying to fit an entire bonsai tree into my mouth.

0

2 months ago

bonsai, bonsai tree, broccoli, challenge, Chinese, Chinese restaurant, chop, dining, dining experience, dishes, eating, eating challenge, experience, feel, fit, food, food joke, humor, i, joke, mouth, restaurant, restaurants, tree, trying
Weirdos gonna weird.

0

2 months ago

humor, individuality, personality, quirkiness, uniqueness, weird, weirdo
You don’t get much engagement? Have you tried being retarded.

0

2 months ago

being, communication, engagement, humor, insult, media, much, social, social media, tried
Hate when I have to be mean. Why would you push a sweet girl this far?

0

2 months ago

attitude, emotion, frustration, girl, hate, i, mean, personality, push, pushed, sweet, sweet girl, why

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

55 shares on TikTok this month:

Imagine applying for a job, then not picking up calls from random numbers.

65 shares on Pinterest this month:

Remember it’s Christmas. You need to check your elf before you wreck your shelf.

97 shares on WeChat this month:

Self-awareness is such a two-edged sword. Like, yay, I know myself better, but at what cost?

44 shares on TikTok this month:

Gaslighting myself into thinking I’m in a good mood.

30 shares on Telegram this month:

Refusing to make eye contact with anyone while I eat my banana.

99 shares on Messenger this month:

We can’t both age regress at the same time — someone’s gonna have to push me on the swingset.

82 shares on Telegram this month:

Excuse me, can you direct me to the nonsense?

16 shares on Slack this month:

Two sheep walk into a baaaaa.

87 shares on TikTok this month:

Look away from your laptop for 1 second, and MS Teams will say you left the country.

75 shares on Instagram this month:

I never oversleep in the mornings. I set an alarm and a back-up alarm. Plus, there’s also a noisy kid once those fail.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Remember when downloading a song in under 5 minutes was considered progress?

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I’d make room in my pillow fort for you.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

All the clouds have come out to play today.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Should I ever be mean and insulting, then it comes from the bottom of my heart.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Parents become grandparents and lose all their senses. All of a sudden, they got McDonald’s money now.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Tom and Jerry fooled me into thinking dogs bullied cats when it’s the opposite in reality.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m at the age when riding around town, I say, “When did they build that?”

16 folks are currently checking 👀

My favorite part of football is when they feed the players water like they’re hamsters.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

When I say “the other day”, it can be anytime between yesterday and my birth.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Sorry I missed your call when I pressed decline.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,286

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇹 has shared:

I find that age is just a number, and the older you get, the number you get.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has viewed:

The lion doesn’t concern himself with credit card debt.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has bookmarked:

Do you ever wake up in the morning and you’re just like… no.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has copied:

If he has other girls who make him smile, be different and make him cry.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has viewed:

Doctors are always giving me Ibuprofen. Man, give me something I can sell.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has downloaded:

I don’t know why everyone wants love like in the movies. A movie is only 2 hours.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has downloaded:

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did, in his sleep, not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has downloaded:

The world started without permission again.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has viewed:

My mama didn’t raise a quitter, she raised a burnt out perfectionist who is sometimes bludgeoned into settling for mediocrity.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has bookmarked:

I hate being around people who mistake my childlike wonder as naivety or weakness. I am simply a war general who loves to giggle.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on TikTok:

I did 30 minutes of chores, time for a 7-hour break.

Just shared via Messenger:

Unfortunately, I’m gonna have to cancel my appointment at a sperm bank. I will just call them and say I can’t come.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

I like it when you’re reading a comic and you can tell the writer is pissed about what the last writer did to the character.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Anytime someone comments on my weight, I try to ignore them and keep my chins up.

Trending via WeChat:

Men be like, “I want you.” Yeah, to suffer.

Spotted on Facebook:

I bet the guy who named the sperm whale wasn’t allowed to name things anymore after that.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

A fly swatter, but for close talkers.

Just landed via Messenger:

Welcome to Twitter, some random, judgmental stranger will be along shortly to complain about your tweets.

Just shared via Telegram:

Cocaine is God’s way of telling you that you make too much money.

Just landed via Threads:

Japanese cats answering the phone be like, “Meowshi meowshi.”

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