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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇵🇭 has copied:

Age range on my dating app set to 40+. Y’all fighting over grapes while I’m drinking wine.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has downloaded:

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has downloaded:

Sunday is my favorite day to invent new things to worry about.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has viewed:

Hey, man, we’re worshiping a false god later. If you wanna pull up.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has bookmarked:

I’d change my name to laundry if it meant you’d think about doing me every day.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has bookmarked:

Thaw me like one of your french fries!

Someone from 🇱🇹 has shared:

It must be hard for a vampire to floss their fangs when they can’t see their reflection in a mirror.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

494 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,087

Funny Quotes Topics

17,241

Funny Quotes Images

15,087

Updated

Dec 19, 2025

Users Online

4,008

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on X:

I always thought that aunts had a lot of money. Until I became one myself.

Spotted on Slack:

There should be a calorie refund for food that didn’t taste as good as you expected.

Spotted on Telegram:

Deleted all dating apps, instead I’m just going to walk into a grocery store and look confused.

Shared recently on Discord:

I’m not scared of love, I’m scared of insufficient cash.

Trending via Telegram:

Sometimes I’m just so exhausted I have to go to bed and scroll my phone for the next 2-3 hours.

Spotted on Discord:

Are you really a personal trainer or do you just want to wear shorts to work every day?

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Life so stupid, I just want a burger and to be held.

I’m at a point in life where I’m just at a point.

1 month ago

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Commentary:
Just arrived at my destination: The Point. GPS signals lost, send snacks! 😄📍🍕

existential, humor, humor quote, just, life, point, self-deprecation, where

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Unless I ask, I genuinely don’t care to hear other people’s opinions on my life. It’s almost a pet peeve, really.

4 months ago

almost, annoyance, ask, boundary, care, hear, honesty, i, interaction, life, opinion, opinions, peeve, personal, personal life, pet, pet peeve, social, social interaction
My husband said I use a lot of makeup, so I showed him some makeup tutorials on TikTok and I don’t think he’ll be making that mistake again.

2 months ago

again, beauty, hell, humor, husband, i, makeup, making, mistake, relationship, think, TikTok, tutorials
Good morning to life’s chaos, where my coffee is the only thing that makes sense!

1 month ago

chaos, coffee, good, life, morning, only, sense, thing, where
The only thing I miss from my past is that flat stomach I had.

1 month ago

aging, body, fitness, flat, flat stomach, health, humor, i, miss, nostalgia, only, past, stomach, thing, weight
My mom always used to tell me that I look cute when I sleep. My boss has a different opinion.

2 months ago

always, boss, contrast, cute, different, family, humor, i, me, mom, opinion, sleep, tell, used, work
Cooking your own meals really is the best way to devote 50 hours of your life every month to save $50.

1 month ago

50, best, budget, cooking, every, food, hours, humor, irony, life, meal, meals, money, month, own, save, saving, time

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇱 has bookmarked:

An escape room, but it’s just your high school reunion.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has copied:

Human hibernation should be a thing.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has copied:

Just had my biannual teeth cleaning like some barn animal.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has bookmarked:

Free will: where you get to choose your own adventure … and regret it.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has copied:

Sorry for my bad behavior. Mercury is in gatorade or whatever.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has viewed:

“Oh, I’d love to but I can’t.” Translation: I don’t want to so I won’t.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has viewed:

Turns out my superpower is the ability to go into incredible detail in completely the wrong direction.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Indiana Jones is a fantasy about being a professor with no admin duties.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

Flat earth is too mainstream, hollow earth is where it’s at.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

You should be able to wash your hair and it stays washed. What do you mean I have to do it again?

Spotted on Messenger:

I wonder if my guardian angel and my future husband’s guardian angel are in a group chat trying to coordinate.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Please have a seat and witness my self-destruction firsthand.

Spotted on Threads:

“Boy, you made these perimenopausal ovaries come back to life,” – me flirting.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

I’m so old, I still drink my coffee at home in the morning. From a real cup.

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Activity Log ✨

I’m at a point in life where I’m just at a point.

My husband said I use a lot of makeup, so I showed him some makeup tutorials on TikTok and I don’t think he’ll be making that mistake again.

Good morning to life’s chaos, where my coffee is the only thing that makes sense!

The only thing I miss from my past is that flat stomach I had.

My mom always used to tell me that I look cute when I sleep. My boss has a different opinion.

Cooking your own meals really is the best way to devote 50 hours of your life every month to save $50.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Sat at a stop sign waiting for it to turn green, if you’re wondering how I’m doing today.

Think that’s enough todaying for today.

Showing your emotions to the wrong people is like bleeding next to a shark.

I miss my kids the most when they go to bed and the mosquitoes go after me because they have no other options.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

One sec, lemme just find the off switch for my brain.

Movies in the 80s had me convinced that a main part of being a grown-up was staying late at the office and eating Chinese takeout.

Avocado toast at a cafe: $10. Avocado toast from Uber Eats: $25. Avocado toast made at home: $550 (my labor is worth $115 a minute).

I miss when men had big hair, louder feelings, and leaned over cars to declare their love.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Putting mental health before my education is a good idea until it affects my education, which affects my mental health, which affects my education.

I think my dog always follows me to the bathroom because I always follow him outside and he thinks that’s the way it works.

Can’t wait for the day off from work so I can sit on the couch at home and stare at the TV screen while thinking about work.

Why is everything 10x better at night? Driving, showering, eating, vibing to music, watching Netflix… phone calls. Like, everything.

My youngest had a mandatory drugs and alcohol lecture today at school, and he still can’t mix a proper drink.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

I love when women have one daughter as their only child. It’s so incredibly chic.

If she replies to your sarcasm with more sarcasm, that’s a whole life.

Why hasn’t Lululemon created a bra-line named Lulumelons?

Problems are like balls. Everyone thinks they have bigger ones than you.

90s scientists: we cloned a sheep. we landed a robot on mars. Scientists today: for the last time, the earth is round.

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I’m at a point in life where I’m just at a point.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Unless I ask, I genuinely don’t care to hear other people’s opinions on my life. It’s almost a pet peeve, really.

My husband said I use a lot of makeup, so I showed him some makeup tutorials on TikTok and I don’t think he’ll be making that mistake again.

Good morning to life’s chaos, where my coffee is the only thing that makes sense!

The only thing I miss from my past is that flat stomach I had.

My mom always used to tell me that I look cute when I sleep. My boss has a different opinion.

Cooking your own meals really is the best way to devote 50 hours of your life every month to save $50.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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