Wordgag 🎅

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇸 has downloaded:

When a documentary starts with an old person going, ‘We’re a small town, we didn’t lock our doors at night,’ oh, we’re gonna find out what made them start.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has viewed:

“You look tired.” Yes, bro, I stayed up all night obsessing over things I have no control over.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has copied:

If I had a boyfriend, I’d put him in a snow globe and shake it really hard.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has bookmarked:

Life begins when you can afford it.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has shared:

I’m often mistaken for an adult because of my age.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has shared:

Thank you two-step authentication codes that expire after 60 seconds for providing Mission Impossible-type drama into my mundane suburban existence.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has downloaded:

I saved a ton of money on a security system by stealing my neighbor’s.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has shared:

I hate dealing with fresh garlic. Each individual clove with their little f***ing paperwork.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has downloaded:

The worst thing you can do while cleaning is sit down for a minute.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has downloaded:

All the fruit flies are well-behaved near the garbage, only one is constantly nagging somewhere else because it thinks it has to discover new lands.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

508 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,101

Funny Quotes Topics

17,252

Funny Quotes Images

15,101

Updated

Dec 23, 2025

Users Online

3,741

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Snapchat:

My problem is I buy outfits I don’t have shoes for and shoes I don’t have outfits for.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

Maybe the real American dream is the debt we collected along the way.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

Never underestimate my desire at any given moment to go home.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

It’s called a Caesar Salad because you stab it a bunch of times when you eat it.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

If you’re a squatter, every day is leg day.

Just shared via Threads:

Social media is a great way to make new enemies.

Trending via Snapchat:

I’m so lazy that I’ll break my tooth trying to get this tag off before I get up and get a scissor.

Shared recently on Discord:

If I had a boyfriend, I’d put him in a snow globe and shake it really hard.

Just shared via WeChat:

A haunted house, but it’s just you inside your own head.

Just landed via Snapchat:

If you can’t handle me while I’m broke, then you don’t deserve me when I have $600.

More funny quotes 👇

Prime Video will find the movie you were looking for and then say, “Oops, you gotta pay for it.”

0

5 days ago

digital, digital rental, entertainment, frustration, humor, looking, movie, online, online shopping, oops, pay, prime, Prime Video, rental, say, shopping, streaming, subscription, video
The best part about being married is having a permanent person to debrief with immediately after any social event.

0

5 days ago

after, being, best, communication, debrief, event, having, marriage, married, person, relationship, social, social event, spouse
In university, you can literally tell who had no freedom at home.

0

5 days ago

freedom, home, humor, literally, observation, student, tell, university
Do cats have a sense of causation between grooming themselves and coughing up hairballs, or do they think it’s just an annoying separate thing which just happens to them sometimes?

0

5 days ago

annoying, behavior, cat, cats, causation, coughing, grooming, hairball, humor, just, pet, pet behavior, sense, sometimes, thing, think
Dear music, thanks!

0

5 days ago

dear, gratitude, humor, music, thanks
The peace of not knowing.

0

5 days ago

calmness, humor, ignorance, irony, knowing, peace
I’ve been thinking. Is ‘fat’ short for anything? Like an old word or something?

0

5 days ago

anything, fat, humor, old, question, short, something, thinking, word
Instead of presents this year, I’m giving everyone my opinion. Get excited!

0

5 days ago

everyone, excited, excitement, gift, giving, holiday, humor, opinion, present, presents, sarcasm, year
We need a slur for people that use AI.

0

5 days ago

AI, humor, language, need, people, slang, slur, technology, technology user, user
White elephant: Nothing brings people together like fighting over absolute garbage.

0

5 days ago

competition, elephant, exchange, fight, fighting, game, garbage, gift, gift exchange, holiday, holiday game, humor, nothing, over, people, together, white, white elephant

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

52 shares on TikTok this month:

Drunk me promising you anything is the equivalent of a politician giving their manifesto … it’s not gonna happen.

41 shares on Instagram this month:

Back to work at last! I couldn’t sleep for sheer anticipation.

93 shares on Slack this month:

If you get bitten by a snake and you’re not sure if it was poisonous, simply wait to see if you die or not. That should give you your answer.

85 shares on Twitch this month:

Absolute worst time of year to have a secret family. Hands down.

17 shares on Messenger this month:

OK, just so everybody’s clear, I’m going to put my glasses on.

51 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Ever since I was a little girl I knew I wanted to leave work early.

75 shares on TikTok this month:

Twitter is just a diary I choose to show to strangers.

29 shares on Instagram this month:

Disney set unrealistic standards of how often woodland creatures would help me clean and do laundry if I just sang out my window.

22 shares on Twitch this month:

Have nothing to say, I just wanted to appear in your newsfeed.

39 shares on LinkedIn this month:

“Why don’t you tell us anything anymore?” I’ve updated my privacy policy.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇦 has downloaded:

I forgot the word “espresso” so I asked the barista for a smaller, angrier coffee.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has downloaded:

I’m sorry I said “Awooga” when you took off your clothes. Do you still want to have sexy time?

Someone from 🇲🇪 has bookmarked:

If I had a dollar for every time someone called me fat, I’d probably just spend it on more bacon.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has downloaded:

Mondays are for pretending. Real work begins on Tuesday.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has downloaded:

Hey, I noticed you’re not saying what I want.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has downloaded:

Nutrition labels should include an “What if I ate the whole thing” section.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has downloaded:

Be useless, so nobody can use you.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has downloaded:

How do I tell the mosquitoes that I don’t consent?

Someone from 🇦🇿 has copied:

Went fishing and actually caught a fish. So now I gotta deal with this shit.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has bookmarked:

Laying in a hammock is essentially saying, “I hope there are no emergencies.”

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Facebook:

Telling your child their sibling is still asleep a very effective way to get them to practice their instrument.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Eight times a day, I ask myself which object in the office will hurt me enough so that I can go home, but at the same time won’t hurt too much.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

My best three minutes of sleep are the ones right before the alarm goes off.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Nighty night! Don’t let the horror of existence bite.

Making waves on Reddit:

I assume people who bookmark my posts are building a case against me.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Handshakes should be banned. Touch our naked body parts together for all the world to see? Gross!

Live now on Discord:

I don’t always seize the day. Sometimes I poke the day with my index finger and go, ew, ew, ew, ew.

Trending via WeChat:

Relationship status: nobody is cheating on me so that’s pretty neat.

Going viral on Facebook:

Love is like a bird. Sometimes flying around me but then moving on.

Making waves on Slack:

My wife screamed “you haven’t listened to a single word I’ve said, have you?!” I was taken aback, what a weird way to start a conversation.

Activity Log ✨

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨