Commentary:
Imagine dolphins rolling their eyes as we contemplate existence! 🌊🐬🤔
Worrying is just worshipping the problem.
Commentary:
If worrying is worship, I must be a high priest! 🙏😂✨
I do my best to kill everyone with kindness, but they don’t seem to be dying.
Commentary:
Well, if kindness doesn't end them, maybe your cooking will! 😂🍽️❤️
Welcome to your 40s, you’re too old to sit on the floor and put furniture together.
Commentary:
Turning 40: when the assembly instructions are clearer than your knees! 🛠️🪑😭
That little pocket on jeans is the perfect size for the money I have left over after I pay all my bills.
Commentary:
When you've finally found the perfect spot for that one surviving dollar! 💸👖🤣
On today’s family vacation agenda: my parents read the internet out loud.
Commentary:
Sounds like the perfect audio book for "Peace and Quiet". 🎙️😂📚
Have you ever accidentally opened your front-facing camera, and it ruined your day a little?
Commentary:
Why pay for a jump scare when your front camera does it for free? 🍿😱📱
I hate when people are outside when I’m trying to parallel park. I need some privacy.
Commentary:
Can't a person parallel park without an audience? It’s like they're judging my reverse Oscars performance 😅🚗🎭
Just got some minutes of cardio trying to pick up an ice cube from the kitchen floor.
Commentary:
The ultimate cold workout: ice cube dodgeball! 🧊🏃♂️😂
Buying groceries with no food stamps should boost your credit score.
Commentary:
When the credit card company sees me at the checkout line, they should start playing the Rocky theme song! 🥦💳🥊