The thumbs up emoji is a nice way to tell someone not only did you receive their message, you’re also done with the conversation.

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Screen time on your computer feels like healthy screen time, screen time on your phone feels like evil screen time.

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Welcome to your 50s, you now take supplements to help your memory, but you can’t remember if you took them today.

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What’s wrong, babe? You’ve hardly touched my mixed signals.

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Remember when Mustangs were muscle cars and not an embarrassment to the name.

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At the beginning of a relationship, people call their partner’s odd behavior “cute little quirks”. Some years later, the police call it “motive”.

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I have no desire to work now. I had five days off in a row where I dined at a feast and was entertained at a cinema. I have flown too high to return to a laptop.

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Always tell people different stories about yourself, so when they talk about you, they’ll argue.

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Anytime someone comments on my weight, I try to ignore them and keep my chins up.

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Whether you rip off a bandaid quickly or slowly, I find it’s best to ask the wearer’s permission first.

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Kids today have it much easier. When I was growing up and something bad happened, we had to go outside and spread our misinformation in person.