“There’s a reason religion tells you your reward is after death; it keeps you quiet while you’re being exploited alive.”

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Welcome, new followers! It’s all downhill from here.

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Why is incognito mode always associated with freaky shit? I use it to search up very obvious questions, so there’s no record of me looking dumb.

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I’m not really a “glass half full” kind of person. I’m more of a “Where’d I put my glass?” kind of person.

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Such is modern life. Mordor in our midst.

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Can’t stand when I’m determined to see something in a negative light, and somebody offers a different, healthier perspective. I already made up my mind to be upset. Don’t be rude.

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I liked it better when I was naive enough to think everyone was empathetic.

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Instead of writing LOL, I’m going to start writing SALTS (smiled a little, then stopped). It’s more accurate.

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When someone says they’re never going to talk to me again, I do the right thing and say thank you.

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Attention: will the owner of a small blue planet with tectonic plates please attend to your vehicle. It is overheating.

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I’ve cooked for men I should have poisoned, so yeah, I do have self-control.