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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇹 has shared:

You think you’re your own worst critic? Just wait till you have kids.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has copied:

Stay an extra hour in the office and no one cares. Arrive a few minutes late and everyone loses their minds.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has viewed:

You’ll never realize how crazy you really are until you fall in love.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has copied:

I don’t have read receipts on my phone because why would I tell on myself like that?

Someone from 🇪🇹 has copied:

Introducing WifeChat™, the app where you talk to your wife.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has shared:

Damn, girl, are you Black Friday? Because I’m wondering what your bloody deal is.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has bookmarked:

Never trust a wet fart.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has viewed:

You know it’s bad when people start telling you that you are the strongest person they’ve ever met.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has shared:

I don’t like to call it a xenomorph — I prefer the term “the alien from Alien.”

Someone from 🇭🇹 has downloaded:

Not just anyone can be cremated. You have to urn it.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

429 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,698

Funny Quotes Topics

17,716

Funny Quotes Images

15,698

Updated

Jan 13, 2026

Users Online

3,616

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Threads:

There are people who leave comments on porn videos.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Texting him “Happy New Year” to interrupt his healing process.

Going bananas on X:

It’s not fair when attractive people are also good at things.

Making waves on Reddit:

The feminine urge to turn you on and not do anything about it.

Seen just now on Facebook:

I’m here by unpopular demand.

Going viral on Telegram:

Increasing the amount of high fives I give my boss each day until he quits his job.

Shared recently on Threads:

I ordered one of those Tempura mattresses. Way too crunchy.

Making waves on TikTok:

I think if you ask Kanye for a million at the right time, he’ll give it to you.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Being completely ignored on Twitter is associated with higher IQ.

Making waves on Facebook:

There’s nothing better than knowing that you don’t have to set an alarm clock for the next day.

“There’s a reason religion tells you your reward is after death; it keeps you quiet while you’re being exploited alive.”

22 hours ago

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Commentary:
Eternal rewards program: Join now, redeem never. Heaven's got the best points system! 😇💸😂

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Trending Funny Quotes 👇

If chickens knew how good they tasted, they would understand.

2 months ago

animal, chicken, food, good, humor, irony, taste, understand, understanding
The trash gets picked up tomorrow. Be ready.

3 months ago

humor, picked, picked up, ready, reminder, responsibility, tomorrow, trash
You misunderstood me. I said I was a “bawler,” not a “baller.” You know, someone who cries a lot.

2 months ago

baller, bawler, crying, emotions, humor, i, know, lot, me, misunderstanding, someone, wordplay
Thinking about ignoring daily mess by creating new holiday decor mess.

2 months ago

activity, creative, creative solution, daily, daily mess, decor, fun, fun activity, holiday, holiday decor, humor, ignoring, ignoring mess, mess, new, procrastination, solution, thinking
Girls flirt by orbiting your general location like an electron.

2 weeks ago

dating, electron, flirt, General, girl, girls, humor, location, orbit, pickup, pickup technique, relationship, science, science humor, technique
Let the good times roll. Let the bad times crawl. Let the acceptable times do the hopscotch.

2 months ago

acceptable, acceptable time, bad, bad time, crawl, fun, good, good time, hopscotch, humor, let, roll, time, times

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

94 shares on Telegram this month:

Duolingo should have an “I’m going on holiday to this place very soon” setting so it teaches you “can I have the bill” and so on instead of “the cow boils an egg”.

44 shares on Telegram this month:

Whatever y’all heard about me, I’m way worse.

97 shares on YouTube this month:

Notice how Lorde has a song called “Tennis Court” and not “Pickleball Court”? Tired of y’all pushing that fake sport.

42 shares on Facebook this month:

Why do we say ‘slept like a baby’? Babies wake up every two hours crying. I want to sleep like my cat—14 hours, no responsibilities, zero regrets.

94 shares on TikTok this month:

The rain is pouring. So naturally it’s a good day to eat 6 donuts.

94 shares on X this month:

Why fall in love when you can fall asleep?

13 shares on Pinterest this month:

Giving all the dogs in my neighborhood matching sweaters for Christmas so they can be in a gang.

46 shares on Reddit this month:

Carrying a conversation counts as cardio.

37 shares on X this month:

My favorite recipe is the one where I pick up the phone and order food.

17 shares on Twitch this month:

I was explaining to my Ukrainian colleague the phrase ‘There’s no such thing as a free lunch’. She told me the equivalent in Ukrainian is ‘The only free cheese is in the mousetrap’ — which is so much better.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇧 has downloaded:

The early bird gets to cry for a little bit longer in the work parking lot.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has bookmarked:

The younger generation will never know the fear and anxiety of calling your friend’s house, and their parents answer the phone.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has shared:

Grateful for independence mostly because British food is gross.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has downloaded:

The world started without permission again.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has viewed:

If I met someone like me, I’d be really concerned for them.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has copied:

Remember when we were kids and did everything we could to grow up? We were so stupid!

Someone from 🇯🇵 has downloaded:

I used to be a person who couldn’t easily fall asleep, then I got divorced and now I sleep like a baby. Probably unrelated.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has copied:

Do goalies ever get lonely during a game?

Someone from 🇹🇹 has shared:

When I like a woman, I start to gather gifts for her like a squirrel hoarding nuts.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has downloaded:

My boss told me “It’s not rocket science.” Yeah, almost everything that exists is not rocket science.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Threads:

Cover letters are so embarrassing. Why am I writing a love letter to this shitty company?

Trending via Messenger:

If your wife uses “I” it means she will be doing something. “We” means you will be.

Just shared via TikTok:

Sorry, I’m late. I found my old CD collection.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Confuse a restaurant manager today by telling her how good the service was.

Going viral on Twitch:

If I was lying down and someone came up and gave me tons of kisses and smooshed my face, I’d love it. I don’t know what my cat’s problem is.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

I figured out how they built the pyramids. No internet.

Shared recently on Slack:

Maybe if we all sit extremely still, Monday won’t be able to see us.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

They are all liars, so just pick the tallest and enjoy.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

People always love to claim that a celebrity’s death is “unexpected”, but they never actually release the data on which celebrities they expected to die that day.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

“There’s a reason religion tells you your reward is after death; it keeps you quiet while you’re being exploited alive.”

Related Funny Posts 🤝

If chickens knew how good they tasted, they would understand.

The trash gets picked up tomorrow. Be ready.

You misunderstood me. I said I was a “bawler,” not a “baller.” You know, someone who cries a lot.

Thinking about ignoring daily mess by creating new holiday decor mess.

Girls flirt by orbiting your general location like an electron.

Let the good times roll. Let the bad times crawl. Let the acceptable times do the hopscotch.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨