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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇦🇷 has shared:

Welcome to adulthood: you’re not dying, it’s just Thursday.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has shared:

I don’t like this new trend of old people wearing shirts of bands I listened to when I was a kid.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has viewed:

One man’s worst nightmare (me) is another man’s peace (also me).

Someone from 🇩🇪 has copied:

Love that every time I finish a snack I have to wave my hands around to prove to my dog it’s all gone, like I’m cashing him out at a casino or something.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has copied:

I have a complicated relationship with push/pull doors.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has shared:

Shorts should be half the price of pants.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has bookmarked:

Just remembered I can just get drunk after work instead of quitting. That was a close one.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has shared:

Nothing tops a plain pizza.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has downloaded:

The hottest thing a man can do is exactly what he said he was going to.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has shared:

Sorry, I’m poor, I can’t afford to pay attention.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,738

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Surely, this is the hangover that will teach me my lesson.

Just shared via Twitch:

Nobody rots in bed like I do.

Going viral on Threads:

Can I do better? Yes. Will I do better? Probably not.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

My ideal vacation would be to drop my family off at the airport and then have a week of peace and quiet.

Seen just now on Telegram:

I just ate, and now I’m going swimming, so I guess this is goodbye.

Live now on Slack:

People who talk about fruit having too much sugar scare me so bad. Please get back, you wicked witch!

Just shared via Slack:

I’m forced to conclude that not liking my posts is a you problem.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Money will not leave you on read for 9 hours.

Spotted on YouTube:

Just googled “insanity” over and over but was expecting different results.

Those eyes ain’t gonna roll itself, let me help you.

3 weeks ago

Playful quote about eye-rolling humor with a cheeky vibe and witty tone.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Can't waste time waiting for those eyes to roll on their own! ⏳ Let me offer my expert eye-roll assistance! 👀💁‍♂️"

eyes, help, humor, let, me, roll, sarcasm, wit

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60 shares on Telegram this month:

My career goal is to be able to just delete my LinkedIn account at some point.

71 shares on TikTok this month:

Karma has taught me to never laugh at a stranger being attacked by a seagull.

69 shares on Threads this month:

Am I the only one who wonders why the Flintstones celebrate Christmas?

28 shares on Instagram this month:

Trying to explain to my cat why she can’t jump off the balcony, even though I want to as well.

65 shares on Telegram this month:

Why can’t men just call you pretty without wording it uncomfortably?

99 shares on Instagram this month:

Nothing is complicated when you’re simple-minded like me.

82 shares on X this month:

My New Year’s resolution will be to stop chasing waterfalls, and stick to the rivers and the lakes that I’m used to.

68 shares on Facebook this month:

One minute you’re young and fun, and the next, you’re turning down the stereo in your car to see better.

36 shares on WhatsApp this month:

A real smartphone would know when to shut up.

41 shares on Instagram this month:

It’s that time of year again where I go to random restaurants to tell random women, “So this is why you cancelled our date?”, while they’re out with their significant others.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇪 has downloaded:

Putting mental health before my education is a good idea until it affects my education, which affects my mental health, which affects my education.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has shared:

I need an app that deletes my number from other people’s phones.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has copied:

Are oranges called oranges because they are orange, or is the color orange called orange because an orange is orange?

Someone from 🇧🇼 has downloaded:

Being old is basically trying to figure out what part of the body the noise is coming from, and why.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has copied:

Threw my back out due to overwhelming sensuality again.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has copied:

I wish we were cats so you could just randomly slap co-workers for no reason.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has viewed:

I just want a bar where I can pour my own drink, have music at a normal volume, and there are no people, and it’s my house.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has downloaded:

I bet the kids in Mrs. Doubtfire were surprised when found out their nanny was famous actor Robin Williams the whole time.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has shared:

Perfume and jewelry are two things you can never go wrong with gifting me.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has bookmarked:

The reason I stay up late is because I don’t want my free time to end, and tomorrow to start.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on YouTube:

Perhaps we should have further developed natural intelligence before venturing into artificial intelligence.

Going bananas on Facebook:

I’m not athletic, but I’m good at jumping to conclusions.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

If you can stand me, you deserve me!

Freshly posted on TikTok:

I have absolutely no desire to stay in the loop.

Trending via Instagram:

Christmas lights: the only thing bright around here besides my personality.

Just landed via Pinterest:

I feel bad for those that don’t enjoy their own company. I be having a ball by myself.

Live now on Threads:

My favorite thing to do when I see people I know in public is to pretend I didn’t.

Spotted on Reddit:

Big city friend is complaining about a 10 minute wait for a subway while I sit here waiting for the rail replacement horse.

Shared recently on TikTok:

August is almost over. September is next week. Time to pick out a Halloween costume and start your Christmas shopping. Happy New Year, everybody.

Going viral on Discord:

I did vote once but only because I thought the line was to a buffet.

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Activity Log ✨

Those eyes ain’t gonna roll itself, let me help you.

Her: how are you still single? Me: it’s easier than you think.

My DNA came back saying I come from a wide selection of cheeses.

You can’t convince me that 2020 didn’t open a portal to hell that we’re still living in.

If you sit down to play a game of chess and your opponent punches you in the face, you’re not going to prevail by getting better at chess.

Befuddlingly, a palm tree won’t fit in your hand.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Those eyes ain’t gonna roll itself, let me help you.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Her: how are you still single? Me: it’s easier than you think.

My DNA came back saying I come from a wide selection of cheeses.

You can’t convince me that 2020 didn’t open a portal to hell that we’re still living in.

If you sit down to play a game of chess and your opponent punches you in the face, you’re not going to prevail by getting better at chess.

Libraries were a good start, but we need more places where people can’t talk.

Befuddlingly, a palm tree won’t fit in your hand.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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