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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇬🇶 has bookmarked:

Roman soldiers are all like “I’m going to fight you in this short yet tasteful leather skirt.”

Someone from 🇯🇲 has downloaded:

I want this laziness removed from my body.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has copied:

I was guest-starring on The Love Boat when you woke me up. You’re dead to me.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has copied:

If I say “with all due respect,” nothing respectful is about to come out of my mouth.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has downloaded:

It’s a myth that we only use 10% of our brain, but I definitely know people who use less than that.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has bookmarked:

Instead of writing letters, let’s wait a week before texting each other back so it still feels like it.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has copied:

Welcome to your 40s. A random back pain will be assigned to you shortly, and you’ll never know what flares it up every time.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has bookmarked:

Girls will be like “it’s fine” then start drawing a pentagram in blood on their floorboards.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has shared:

Not enough rap songs about stores suddenly changing their layout.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has copied:

Listen up. If he hooks his sunglasses in the front collar of his shirt, he’s got something important to say.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,561

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Pinterest:

I caught your husband cheating on you at an Alanis concert, and thought you, you, you oughta know.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Uber Eats “you forgot to finish your order” notification is funny because I didn’t forget, I just came to my senses.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

The police sent me a photo radar ticket so I sent them a photo of a hundred dollars, so I guess we’re even.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Controlling your emotions while on your period is an extreme sport.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

An internship is only unpaid if you don’t steal enough.

Trending via WeChat:

On today’s family vacation agenda: my parents read the internet out loud.

Seen just now on Discord:

I’m like a candle: I’m cute, I smell nice, and there’s a pretty good chance I’ll set your curtains on fire if left unattended.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Playing dumb for five minutes often saves a lot of work.

Live now on LinkedIn:

“Damn, you’re tight!” I whisper as I look at my monthly budget.

Trending via Snapchat:

I have information that will lead to where your hug is at.

Today I was in a taxi, and the taxi driver said, “I love my job. I am my own boss, nobody tells me what to do!” Then I said, “Turn left.”

1 week ago

Funny Quotes

Witty quote about independence, featuring a taxi driver’s humorous take on being his own boss.

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Commentary:
That's a quick way to show him who's really in charge! 😂🚖👌

am, boss, command, conversation, driver, driving, humor, i, job, joke, left, love, me, navigation, nobody, own, said, taxi, taxi driver, today, turn

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Social Media Stars ⭐

71 shares on Threads this month:

Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and, instead of bleeding, he sings.

45 shares on Reddit this month:

We need a word for that weird feeling you get when you learn what a podcaster looks like.

70 shares on Pinterest this month:

“I’m at a point in my life where I don’t go anywhere unless I absolutely have to.”

94 shares on X this month:

My phone charger is lying in another room. HELP.

25 shares on X this month:

My body cracks like a glow stick every time I move, but refuses to light up.

72 shares on Facebook this month:

Did you guys hear about the “internet”? Apparently, you can say literally anything there.

74 shares on YouTube this month:

Eating watermelon and minding my own business.

80 shares on Pinterest this month:

Laying in bed with the nervous system of someone going to war.

89 shares on WeChat this month:

Old people are right about crosswords and morning stretches, I will admit.

77 shares on Pinterest this month:

Eventually, kids get old enough to see which parent was the problem.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇯 has bookmarked:

Why do they call it a garage sale instead of a garbage sale?

Someone from 🇨🇦 has copied:

I hate it when I take a picture of myself and see 20 years of bad eating habits and no exercise.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has viewed:

Shout-out to my embarrassingly squeaky ass bed frame that makes me sound more popular than I actually am to my neighbors.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has shared:

My wife bought new towels and they’re different colors, so I know the entire color scheme of my house is about to change.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has downloaded:

Twitter is like group therapy but everyone’s yelling and no one’s licensed.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has viewed:

Prison pen pal doesn’t want us to write each other anymore. Finds my life too depressing.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has downloaded:

In an alternate universe, the hard way is always learning me.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has shared:

Combining breakfast and lunch: Brunch. Combining wine and dinner: Winner.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has downloaded:

Yesterday, thieves broke into my home. They searched everywhere and found nothing. They beat me up, telling me to work harder.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has downloaded:

Life hack: put on an apron at home and people think you’re super busy doing important stuff even when you’re not.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on X:

Why is it spelled “camouflage” and not “ “?

Freshly posted on Instagram:

A vibrator is amazing but it doesn’t call me “good girl” unfortunately.

Spotted on Discord:

I hate it when I check my transactions history, and everything adds up like damn, so no one stole from me.

Spotted on Messenger:

You can chill with someone a whole day at the university, and never see them again in your life, lol.

Just shared via Slack:

Getting drunk was invented by Big Text to make you send more texts.

Going viral on Reddit:

Called in telepathically this morning, so they know I’m thinking of them.

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

Women are like apples; I like biting them.

Making waves on YouTube:

I used to think the cat was dumb for staring out the window, waiting for birds, but I’d probably stare too, if occasionally a pizza flew by.

Trending via WeChat:

User: the word computer professionals use when they mean ‘idiot.’

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Explaining myself is too much work. Please just judge me.

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Activity Log ✨

Today I was in a taxi, and the taxi driver said, “I love my job. I am my own boss, nobody tells me what to do!” Then I said, “Turn left.”

I get it, credit cards, I’ve reached my limit too.

You know what’s worse than someone’s phone alarm playing the tune over and over? Someone else who starts whistling along.

I disagree with everyone and think relationships should be easy.

When you ask for your phone charger back and your teenager has the audacity to ask “what percentage are you on?”

My wife just admitted a mistake. What do I have to do now? What does this mean for my future? Help me!

Love low-hanging fruit. Easiest kind to obtain, in my opinion.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Today I was in a taxi, and the taxi driver said, “I love my job. I am my own boss, nobody tells me what to do!” Then I said, “Turn left.”

Keep the laugh going 😂

I get it, credit cards, I’ve reached my limit too.

You know what’s worse than someone’s phone alarm playing the tune over and over? Someone else who starts whistling along.

I disagree with everyone and think relationships should be easy.

When you ask for your phone charger back and your teenager has the audacity to ask “what percentage are you on?”

My wife just admitted a mistake. What do I have to do now? What does this mean for my future? Help me!

Love low-hanging fruit. Easiest kind to obtain, in my opinion.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨