Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇰🇲 has downloaded:

I worry a lot about the wild animals in my neighborhood, but I’m beginning to think they don’t worry about me.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has bookmarked:

With my staggering 91% survival rate, you’d be a fool to hire another dog sitter.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has copied:

I don’t need a psychic to tell me which planets make me sad. It’s earth.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has bookmarked:

Maybe Monday is more scared of us than we are of it… we don’t know.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has shared:

I want Wolverine claws. Not for violence or anything. I want them for easing my way through reality. Like opening an Amazon package.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has downloaded:

Type of hangover that makes you understand why normies spend $25 for a poor soul to bike a bagel to them.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has bookmarked:

I enjoy long, romantic walks … to the departure gate.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has viewed:

How is a plant not able to handle direct sunlight? You’re from outside.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has shared:

Anyone who thinks being a pessimist isn’t any fun fails to appreciate the joy of saying, ‘I told you so.’

Someone from 🇿🇲 has copied:

When women get to a certain weight, you’ll notice they change their social media profile pictures to flowers, cats, or dogs.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,647

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via WeChat:

Why do my kids have Veteran’s Day off, they haven’t done shit.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Growing up, I didn’t think the expensive addiction that would ruin me would be Heinz ketchup, but here we are.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

I haven’t had sex in so long, I forgot how to moan, what if I mess up and bark?

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

“Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go” by “Wham” encourages you to do something you shouldn’t do.

Making waves on Discord:

Sorry I was late, I was waiting for my CVS receipt to finish printing.

Just landed via Twitch:

Dear diary, I have to lock in tomorrow, fix everything, and do everything.

Just landed via Reddit:

I used to eat my feelings but now it’s so expensive, I might as well go to therapy.

Going viral on YouTube:

My dog sure does give a lot of side eye for someone without a job.

Trending via TikTok:

“Bluetooth or Insane?” is a fun game we all play when we see a lone person speaking out loud in public.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Who called it a heatwave and not a temperature tantrum?

Today I was in a taxi, and the taxi driver said, “I love my job. I am my own boss, nobody tells me what to do!” Then I said, “Turn left.”

4 weeks ago

Witty quote about independence, featuring a taxi driver’s humorous take on being his own boss.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
That's a quick way to show him who's really in charge! 😂🚖👌

am, boss, command, conversation, driver, driving, humor, i, job, joke, left, love, me, navigation, nobody, own, said, taxi, taxi driver, today, turn

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Social Media Stars ⭐

31 shares on YouTube this month:

Perks of being ugly: phone battery lasts longer.

32 shares on X this month:

Getting so tangled in the sex shop bead curtain that they have to put me down like a horse with a broken leg.

47 shares on WeChat this month:

The key to happiness: 1/ order a pizza. 2/ eat that pizza. 3/ repeat!

28 shares on WhatsApp this month:

My body looks like I have a great personality.

40 shares on Slack this month:

Dear sleep: thanks for trying, but you can’t beat surfing the net.

41 shares on Slack this month:

The concept of dominant hands is hilarious to me. That one of our hands is just like, “No, I’m not helping.”

15 shares on Facebook this month:

Technically, all the money I have ever spent on food has been flushed down the toilet.

32 shares on Pinterest this month:

Before cell phones, if you were bored in public, you had to flip a nickel in the air over and over.

31 shares on Instagram this month:

I’m so old, I used to block people by simply holding the door shut.

73 shares on YouTube this month:

I accidentally relaxed too much, and now I don’t have enough anxiety to get stuff done.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇬 has shared:

Growing old is a process of saying “it’s probably nothing,” with increasing frequency and increasingly being wrong.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has copied:

Why do these women want to date Pete Davidson, a funny movie star, and not me, a guy who is whining?

Someone from 🇨🇾 has copied:

“Are you free tomorrow?” No, tomorrow I’m still expensive.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has shared:

Maybe I prefer my ducks scattered about.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has bookmarked:

If you only watched reality TV dating shows, you would probably estimate the number of people who work in medical device sales in the United States to be approximately 80,000,000.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has viewed:

A colon can completely change the meaning of a sentence. For example: Jill ate her friend’s sandwich VS Jill ate her friend’s colon.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has bookmarked:

I’m still waiting for the day my parents will say, “It’s all fake, we are millionaires, this was just to teach you to be humble”.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has viewed:

Monday: The only day when you can wear the same outfit from the day before without anyone noticing.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has bookmarked:

Scooby Doo was a woke-ass show. Every villain was just a landlord trying to scare people off their property so they could sell it.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has copied:

You’ll never see Asian parents kissing, hugging, or in any form of romance, but boom, 5 children.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Slack:

They should let you spend one night in a house before you buy/rent it, just to make sure it’s haunted.

Going viral on Threads:

Just blocked someone for correcting my spelling and it feelded great.

Just shared via TikTok:

Once you turn 25 years and above, there is no need to set an alarm. Your problems will wake you up by force.

Breaking via X:

Some hoodies don’t hoodie the way other hoodies hoodie.

Freshly posted on Discord:

The weather’s got more mood swings than a reality show reunion.

Just shared via Snapchat:

You cannot hurt me. You are not a hip-height table corner.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

I only drink when I people.

Just landed via Twitch:

A haunted house, but every room is just learning more about Will & Jada.

Making waves on X:

My biggest fear about becoming a zombie is all the walking.

Going viral on Messenger:

I don’t even want to talk about the things I had to do to that elf to get back on the nice list.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Today I was in a taxi, and the taxi driver said, “I love my job. I am my own boss, nobody tells me what to do!” Then I said, “Turn left.”

King-sized beds: Because you both want to sleep on the same mattress, but not in the same zip code.

Too many types of pasta. I can say my fav is Fliccaroni and not one of you can be sure if it’s real. Look at you googling it.

Holding it together with duct tape and sarcasm.

Once again I feel like I slept in a washing machine.

No need for a Halloween costume this year because there’s nothing scarier than being in your mid-20s and not knowing who you are or what you want to do anymore.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Today I was in a taxi, and the taxi driver said, “I love my job. I am my own boss, nobody tells me what to do!” Then I said, “Turn left.”

Keep the laugh going 😂

King-sized beds: Because you both want to sleep on the same mattress, but not in the same zip code.

Too many types of pasta. I can say my fav is Fliccaroni and not one of you can be sure if it’s real. Look at you googling it.

Holding it together with duct tape and sarcasm.

Once again I feel like I slept in a washing machine.

I don’t post for money or fame, I post because there’s something seriously wrong with me.

No need for a Halloween costume this year because there’s nothing scarier than being in your mid-20s and not knowing who you are or what you want to do anymore.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨