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Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ต๐Ÿ‡ผ has downloaded:

The only hot singles in my area are in my wallet.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡น๐Ÿ‡ฉ has viewed:

Sex is cool, but have you ever had a can opener that actually works?

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡ฉ has downloaded:

Santa Claus isn’t real. Ain’t no man checking a list twice.

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According to my chocolate advent calendar, tomorrow is Christmas.

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The problem with parental controls is I need my kid to help me figure out how to set them up.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‡ด has shared:

I need a massage for my brain.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฉ๐Ÿ‡ฒ has shared:

I am “I can’t remember the last time I went out on New Year’s Eve” old.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ต๐Ÿ‡ช has bookmarked:

Now that I have a standing desk, Iโ€™m adding manual labor to my resume.

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I donโ€™t wanna meet your family, bring my plate to the car.

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Sorry I left you on read, I didnโ€™t mean to open it just yet.

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“Too much garlic”? What’s next? Too much love? Too much desire?

“Too much garlic”? What’s next? Too much love? Too much desire?

Commentary:
"Too much garlic? Nah, that's just spicy love in the kitchen! ๐Ÿง„๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ”ฅ #GarlicGoals"

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Welcome to Wordgag! ๐Ÿ˜‰โœŒ๏ธ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ’ฅ

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Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ณ๐Ÿ‡ฑ has downloaded:

I want a chiropractor to crack my entire body like a glow stick.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฆ๐Ÿ‡ฟ has downloaded:

With me, it isn’t Netflix & chill. It’s Prime & panic.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ป๐Ÿ‡ช has viewed:

If you listen closely, you can hear me not caring.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‡ญ has copied:

The hottest thing a man can do is exactly what he said he was going to.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ณ๐Ÿ‡ฎ has downloaded:

You ran a half marathon? Thatโ€™s really cool, Iโ€™ve almost finished a bunch of things, too.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฌ๐Ÿ‡ถ has copied:

Relationship Status: just tried to pet my dog and he turned his head so I pretended I was reaching for a leaf that was next to him.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฌ๐Ÿ‡น has downloaded:

Nike: Just Do It! Me: I don’t want to.

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Do we barbecue with women or without salad?

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡น๐Ÿ‡ฟ has viewed:

I am MTV, still played music videos, years old.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡ฉ has shared:

Some people aren’t just missing a screw, the whole toolbox is gone.