Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇭 has copied:

I found out why my computer keeps freezing. Apparently, I’ve got too many windows open.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has bookmarked:

My superpower is keeping this couch cushion warm.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has viewed:

If you can’t handle me at my worst, then honestly, you’re missing out because that’s when my jokes and bits get really, really good.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has bookmarked:

Cancelling a date so I can order pizza and go to bed at 8:30 p.m.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has bookmarked:

One day you’re young and fun, and the next thing you know, you’re staring out of a window for no reason.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has viewed:

Every grocery store becomes an escape room if you see someone you know.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has downloaded:

Nothing bores me like twins who don’t look alike, you should’ve just dropped later if you’re not going to participate.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has copied:

They should list at least one alien “as himself” in the Star Wars credits.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has viewed:

Common sense isn’t a gift. It’s a punishment, because you have to deal with everyone who doesn’t have it.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has copied:

I had no social life in high school. Even my imaginary best friend had a date for the prom.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,483

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Discord:

The older I get, the more I realize how much I love being at home, doing nothing.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Nothing bad can happen while you’re under a blanket. Just remember that.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Meatloaf is a good safe word. It means I would do anything for love, but I won’t do that…

Going viral on Instagram:

If we “talk,” you ain’t single. We’re in a pending relationship. You’re in the cart.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

“Listen to your body!” Okay, well, my body wants to lay down and eat snacks all day.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Do you think the washing machine and the dryer are actual friends or just work friends?

Going viral on Telegram:

I don’t have a favorite vampire. If you ask me, they all suck.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

Every time I wanna quit, I remember horses don’t stop.

Just shared via Instagram:

Losing and then immediately gaining weight is my superpower.

Spotted on WeChat:

It sucks when you have to stand on an escalator for 30 minutes because of a power cut.

“Too much garlic”? What’s next? Too much love? Too much desire?

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Too much garlic? Nah, that's just spicy love in the kitchen! 🧄💖🔥 #GarlicGoals"

desire, exaggeration, food, garlic, humor, love, much, next, romance, sarcasm, too

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

They can steal your recipe, but the sauce won’t taste the same.

0

2 months ago

betrayal, cooking, flavor, food, humor, kitchen, recipe, same, sauce, steal, taste, theft
It’s almost time to put away my black summer clothes and bring out my black fall clothes.

0

5 months ago

almost, away, black, black clothing, bring, change, clothes, clothing, clothing transition, fall, fashion, humor, put, seasonal, seasonal change, summer, time, transition, wardrobe
I once broke up with a guy because he ate half my french fries, and when I get really lonely, I still think about those french fries.

0

2 months ago

breakup, broke, food, french, french fry, fry, guy, half, humor, i, loneliness, lonely, memory, once, relationship, snack, still, think
Don’t worry, guys. Together we can eliminate logic and reason on social media. I see some of you are already ahead of the game. Way to go!

0

2 months ago

behavior, game, guys, humor, i, logic, media, online, online behavior, reason, social, social media, success, teamwork, together, worry
Sperm me would be swimming in the other direction.

0

2 months ago

direction, humor, joke, me, sperm, swimming, wordplay
He’s an everything bagel… I’m just a nothing burger…

0

4 months ago

bagel, burger, comparison, everything, everything bagel, food, food metaphor, humor, just, metaphor, nothing, nothing burger, self-deprecation

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

76 shares on WeChat this month:

I hate to brag but I excel at my faults.

31 shares on TikTok this month:

There’s a reason we say cheese and not salad when we have to smile for a photo.

57 shares on WeChat this month:

I’m on that new diet where you eat anything you want and you pray for a miracle.

18 shares on Threads this month:

I once broke up with a guy because he ate half my french fries, and when I get really lonely, I still think about those french fries.

84 shares on TikTok this month:

Parenting is yelling ‘you just had a snack!’ over and over until you give in and throw them another snack.

97 shares on TikTok this month:

A girl hating you is a million times better than her calling you a ‘nice guy’.

16 shares on Pinterest this month:

I love sleeping in fishnets. Makes you feel like a big honey roast ham.

87 shares on Messenger this month:

The first person to throw out bath water: Uh oh.

18 shares on Telegram this month:

I know how to use an abacus as a tambourine.

72 shares on Facebook this month:

If my neighbors would just talk a little louder I could follow along with their conversation, but no. Rude.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇿 has viewed:

Fifty shades of I miss you.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has downloaded:

My home security system is just a copy of my paycheck taped to my front door.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has downloaded:

Fruit and vegetables expire faster when you’re the one paying for them.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has shared:

Twitter is a prime example why most of us shouldn’t be left unsupervised.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has downloaded:

I haven’t broken a mirror lately, but my water broke and I’ve had seven years of kids crawling into my bed.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has viewed:

Might start signing off emails with, “But what do I know.”

Someone from 🇩🇯 has copied:

Finally figured out why I look so bad in pictures – it’s my face.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has downloaded:

I wish more modern politics were about trying to stop the fulfillment of an ancient prophecy.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has copied:

I know breakfastless behavior when I see it.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has downloaded:

My back and I are definitely not the same age.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Discord:

This gratitude journal looks a lot like a grocery list.

Breaking via Reddit:

“Some things are better left unsaid,” I think to myself immediately after I hit send.

Seen just now on Threads:

The real flex is how many wounds you can turn into wisdom.

Freshly posted on Slack:

It was me, I let the dogs out.

Seen just now on Instagram:

They all cheat, lie and manipulate. Just pick the pretty one.

Spotted on YouTube:

Blocking him isn’t enough. I need to watch his hairline recede.

Live now on Reddit:

Facebook friends are like pens. You may have 150, but only 5 are writing.

Just shared via Instagram:

Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain, and most do.

Spotted on Messenger:

Maybe your baby is crying because he knows you don’t have rizz.

Spotted on TikTok:

My phone storage is full so I guess it’s time to delete the 27 second video I took of a spiderweb four years ago.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

“Too much garlic”? What’s next? Too much love? Too much desire?

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

They can steal your recipe, but the sauce won’t taste the same.

It’s almost time to put away my black summer clothes and bring out my black fall clothes.

I once broke up with a guy because he ate half my french fries, and when I get really lonely, I still think about those french fries.

Don’t worry, guys. Together we can eliminate logic and reason on social media. I see some of you are already ahead of the game. Way to go!

Sperm me would be swimming in the other direction.

He’s an everything bagel… I’m just a nothing burger…

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨