Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇻 has copied:

British people never go downstairs; they just jump out of a window and open an umbrella like Mary Poppins.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has shared:

Whenever I’m not eating a breakfast sandwich I wish I was eating a breakfast sandwich.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has viewed:

(at an incredibly low point in my life) I should start dating again.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has copied:

I asked my doctor if I’m healthy enough for sex and he told me I’m not even sexy enough for health.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has copied:

Did you know that if a unicorn and I were to race, the unicorn would likely win cause unicorns are about as real as my desire to race anything?

Someone from 🇲🇳 has downloaded:

Grocery shopping while hungry feels like online shopping while drunk.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has copied:

It’s a shame that you can’t hold people up to the light like banknotes to see whether they are fake or real.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has bookmarked:

Being gracefully insane is the only way to survive life’s daily bullshit.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has downloaded:

All my bills say “Outstanding.” I guess I am good to go.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has bookmarked:

I enjoy a glass of wine each night for its health benefits. The other glasses are for my witty comebacks and flawless dance moves.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,638

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Why does it take 5-7 days to refund me when it took 5-7 seconds to take it out?

Just shared via X:

If you call me from a private number, I’ll respect your privacy and won’t answer.

Just shared via Threads:

The only thing keeping me from world domination is a good nap.

Going viral on Reddit:

Sorry I can’t carpool to work. That’s the time I use to angry scream.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

And are the people who find you “hilarious” in the room with us now?

Going bananas on YouTube:

To the person who stole my place in the queue. I’m after you now.

Spotted on YouTube:

My lip gloss used to be poppin’, now it’s my knees.

Just landed via WeChat:

Don’t forget, you are someone’s weird colleague.

Breaking via Instagram:

The “Wooooooooo” track from sitcoms should play whenever you kiss someone in real life.

Shared recently on TikTok:

I wouldn’t trust a single one of you with a flying car.

America was more fun when organized crime was done by Italians in Chicago.

2 hours ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Who knew pasta and crime could make such an iconic duo? 🍝🕵️‍♂️"

America, Chicago, crime, done, fun, gangster, humor, italian, nostalgia, organized, organized crime

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Learn from the mistakes of others, you can never live long enough to make them all yourself.

0

2 months ago

advice, experience, humor, learn, life, live, mistake, mistakes, never, wisdom, yourself
Is it socially acceptable to wear pajamas all day if you’re constantly holding a coffee cup?

0

4 months ago

acceptable, casual, casual wear, coffee, coffee cup, comfort, cup, daily, daily routine, day, holding, humor, norm, pajama, pajamas, relaxation, routine, social, social norm, socially, wear
Boys say that girls are dramatic, but have you ever plucked a man’s eyebrow? They act like they’ve been shot.

0

2 months ago

act, boy, boys, difference, dramatic, ever, eyebrow, gender, gender difference, girl, girls, humor, man, pain, pluck, say, shot
When I die, I hope it’s early in the morning, so I don’t have to go to work that day for no reason.

0

2 months ago

day, death, die, early, hope, humor, i, life, morning, motivation, procrastination, reason, work
As a kid, I was worried about randomly disappearing into the Bermuda Triangle forever. As an adult, I’m wondering how I can actually make that happen.

0

2 months ago

actually, adult, adult humor, bermuda, Bermuda Triangle, childhood, childhood fear, choices, crisis, disappearing, existential, existential crisis, fear, forever, humor, i, kid, life, life choices, random, random thoughts, thoughts, triangle, wondering
My nephew asks so many questions that Alexa just told him it’s okay to bathe with the toaster.

0

2 months ago

advice, Alexa, bathe, family, humor, just, nephew, okay, questions, technology, toaster, told

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

99 shares on Facebook this month:

Before marriage, I would sit at a stoplight for hours because I had no one to tell me the light had changed to green.

51 shares on Facebook this month:

I wonder if the scariest moment ever in history has happened yet.

25 shares on Messenger this month:

My life is based on a true story.

74 shares on Telegram this month:

Listen to your body? The body that craves a lethal amount of Kinder Bueno?

58 shares on YouTube this month:

Her idea of a romantic setting is one that has a diamond in it.

58 shares on Discord this month:

Welcome to the internet, where people are confidently wrong all the time.

82 shares on Twitch this month:

Only 6 hours, 45 minutes and 35 years until I’m done with work.

82 shares on WhatsApp this month:

My spirit animal is that one bird that knocks itself unconscious, flying into windows.

31 shares on X this month:

Men call us “gold diggers” when we expect them to pay for a meal. Honey, a gold digger goes after yachts, not a piece of chicken.

65 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Like me, the weather is getting cooler around here.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇶 has downloaded:

Horror movies have ruined the joy of skinny-dipping for me.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has viewed:

I’ve learned the best way to find something that I’ve lost is to buy a replacement one, to make the lost one spontaneously appear.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has shared:

I think my phone is broken. I pressed the home button, but I’m still at work.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has downloaded:

If camera lenses are round, why are the pictures square?

Someone from 🇺🇦 has bookmarked:

Keep your fries close and your onion rings closer.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has shared:

I’ve been following this strict diet all week and so far all I’ve lost is my patience.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has bookmarked:

The older I get, no.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has viewed:

I think the Discovery Channel should be on a different channel every day.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has bookmarked:

Saturdays are for doing absolutely everything or doing absolutely nothing, everybody knows that.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has copied:

I’ll see you in your nightmares.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Messenger:

Elections make you feel like we’re all in divorce court waiting to see who gets custody of us.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Person in murder documentary: This is a small town. Things like this don’t happen here. Me: Um, based on the shows I watch, that’s all that happens in small towns.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

If my toddler doesn’t sleep again tonight, I’m running away into the forest.

Making waves on Messenger:

I like when the superheroes that can fly pick up and carry the ones that can’t.

Live now on Messenger:

Whenever I see an athlete eating quark, I get sad, because the quark could have been turned into cheesecake.

Breaking via YouTube:

Currently helping my nephew look for his M&M’s that I ate yesterday.

Spotted on Threads:

I think some of you are faking your sarcasms.

Going bananas on Threads:

You’re all badass until that dust bunny in the corner is a real spider.

Going viral on Reddit:

I found out my husband was cheating on me at a Linkin Park concert. We tried so hard and got so far, but in the end, it didn’t even matter.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

Breaking news: you’re way less interesting than you think you are.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

America was more fun when organized crime was done by Italians in Chicago.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Learn from the mistakes of others, you can never live long enough to make them all yourself.

Is it socially acceptable to wear pajamas all day if you’re constantly holding a coffee cup?

Boys say that girls are dramatic, but have you ever plucked a man’s eyebrow? They act like they’ve been shot.

When I die, I hope it’s early in the morning, so I don’t have to go to work that day for no reason.

As a kid, I was worried about randomly disappearing into the Bermuda Triangle forever. As an adult, I’m wondering how I can actually make that happen.

My nephew asks so many questions that Alexa just told him it’s okay to bathe with the toaster.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨