Author Archives: slickboy

I caught your husband cheating on you at an Alanis concert, and thought you, you, you oughta know.

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Sounds like he found the wrong kind of "ironic" love! 😉🎶 #YouOughtaKnow

Please text me back. I’m about to start making stuff up in my head, and the stuff is all bad.

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When imagination turns into a soap opera! 📱🎭💭

I’ve convinced myself bumblebees don’t sting because they’re too fluffy and cute.

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Fluffy friends: 1, logic: 0. 🐝😄

I made soup while whispering “He was never mine,” like it’s 1893, and I just lost my beloved to a duel.

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Stirring the pot like a Victorian drama queen! 🥀🥣✨

Nothing like a grandfather clock to remind you every hour that you’re still awake.

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Tick-tock, I'm counting sheep in reverse! 🐑⏰😴

They were called “TV programs” because they were literally programming us, bro.

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Wow, that's deep! 🧠 Guess we're all highly-trained couch potatoes now! 📺🥔

Memes are the most information-dense form of communication.

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When someone communicates with memes, you're basically getting a PhD in hilarity 😂🎓 #MemeWisdom

Each day on Twitter, there is one main character. The goal is to never be it.

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Trying to stay low-key on Twitter like a ninja in a library 📚🤫 #AvoidTheSpotlight

Addicted to bad posture. Omggg, why is it so comfortable to give yourself scoliosis?

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Channeling my inner pretzel to achieve expert-level bad posture! 🥨😌🪑

“Is this a joke to you?” Unfortunately, everything is a little bit of a joke to me.

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Everything's a joke, especially on Mondays 😅🤪 #LifeIsComedy