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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇧 has bookmarked:

“You’re so quiet!” Thanks! I actually tried to speak twice but you kept talking over me.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has viewed:

I’m so bored, I’m gonna join a poly-relationship and stage a coup and kick the main one out.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has copied:

My coffee and I used to be hot. Now, we’re just bitter.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has downloaded:

I’m gonna put “CEO of Blockbuster Video” on my resume because who are they gonna call to confirm?

Someone from 🇹🇷 has shared:

Sometimes I do something completely out of character, like say no to a slice of pizza, or trust someone.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has shared:

You don’t have to check your Spotify Wrapped, you are the most played this year.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has copied:

Shall I cook, clean, or do the grocery shopping? Okay, reading it is.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has downloaded:

Welcome to your 40s: that “teenager”over there is actually 27.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has copied:

Bro, did you really just mix up e.g. and i.e. in front of the hoes?

Someone from 🇸🇦 has bookmarked:

People who don’t have a dishwasher, where do they bang their shins?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

817 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,979

Funny Quotes Topics

13,919

Funny Quotes Images

10,979

36 minutes ago

3,425

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Messenger:

At my age, a trail of clothes leading to the bedroom, means I dropped them on the way from the dryer.

Just landed via X:

Can’t. Typing a password into a TV.

Spotted on TikTok:

The problem with leading by example is that no one pays attention.

Seen just now on Twitch:

“Be the bigger person” sounds too much like “accept the disrespect”.

Trending via Reddit:

My skin is so dry it’s doing a PowerPoint presentation.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Eating fast food shouldn’t count for calories because it’s not around long enough.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

It’s okay to feed your car a curb, as a little treat sometimes.

Just landed via YouTube:

Body: Okay, sleepy time. Brain: Okay, thinky time.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

I don’t usually think about what I say before I say it. I prefer to think about it after I’ve said it, late at night, for the rest of my life.

Spotted on YouTube:

Blocking people isn’t enough. I need their favorite TV show to get cancelled.

Ever thought about centaurs and how the bottom half would start walking immediately after birth but the top part would be baby-like and flop around for a while.

5 months ago

Ever thought about centaurs and how the bottom half would start walking immediately after birth but the top part would be baby-like and flop around for a while.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Oh, the struggle of centaur infants – born with a split personality! 🐴👶 Just imagine the chaos as the bipedal bottom half goes trotting off while the upper half is just trying to figure out this whole "neck control" thing. It's a literal case of "getting your legs under you!" 🤣 #CentaursGotCentaurProblems

after, anatomy, animal, around, baby, birth, bottom, centaur, ever, flop, half, humor, imagination, start, thought, top, walking

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

817 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,979

Funny Quotes Topics

13,919

Funny Quotes Images

10,979

36 minutes ago

3,439

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇹 has bookmarked:

Went to an antique show and people started bidding on me.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has viewed:

It infuriates me that computer Scrabble doesn’t get mad when I win even though I’m livid when it wins.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has shared:

Notice how ghosts never wear fitted sheets?

Someone from 🇧🇷 has copied:

Not many quicksand-related deaths since the 1970s. Thank God the authorities got that nightmare under control.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has bookmarked:

In six days God created heaven and earth. On the seventh day, in the interests of balance, the BBC interviewed Satan.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has downloaded:

Adult friendships are difficult. The people I get on best with never want to leave the house either.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has shared:

Stop blaming everyone for all of your problems. Pick the one person you really hate and blame them for everything.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has shared:

If you’ve never had a cheeseburger change your mood, you’ve never had a cheeseburger.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has shared:

For the amount of meat you get out of clam, I feel like we could just leave them alone.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has viewed:

Yoda, seeing himself in 4K: HDMI

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Discord:

Sorry, I can’t talk right now. The seam of my sock feels weird.

Making waves on Messenger:

As a retiree, I have two pairs of pajamas. Bedtime and daytime. Sometimes I get them confused.

Shared recently on Telegram:

If chickens knew how good they tasted, they would understand.

Making waves on Telegram:

I deliberately don’t go to bed early. I don’t want to look like I could be useful for anything the next day.

Spotted on Twitch:

It’s okay to run away from the cops if you’re shy.

Reported on TikTok:

I can cope well with most situations. Hearing someone smack is not one of them.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

I could never give up my dog, he knows too much.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Gonna start an app for cat sitters where they can review the cats they take care of and it’ll be called Litterboxd.

Breaking via X:

This Monday could have been an email.

Broadcasted on X:

Being single is so crazy. What do you mean there’s No One?

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