Commentary:
"Trying to escape the internet like 🏃♂️💨 but it’s all 'Wait, are you sure you want to dump me?' 😂✌️"
277 Funny before quotes
One interesting thing I learned in my thirties is that you can leave a bar before it closes.
Commentary:
"Wait, you mean bars have exits?! 🤯🍺🚪 #LifeHacks"
I think Australians should have to go three rounds in the ring with a kangaroo before they eat him.
Commentary:
"G'day, mate! Nothing like a hearty kangaroo stew after a hopping good workout! 🥊🐨🥘"
My kid’s superpower is knowing he won’t like a food before he even tries it.
Commentary:
"When your kid has the psychic ability to detect yucky food from a mile away! 🥦🔮😆"
The pointless tidy-up before a play date.
Commentary:
"When your house puts on its 'fake clean' costume for a play date! 🧹😅✨"
Sometimes I say “huh,” then answer the question before you can repeat your question.
Commentary:
"Huh? Oh wait, my brain just woke up! 😂🔄#BrainLag"
Not to brag, but I ate all of my bananas before they turned brown. Don’t be jealous.
Commentary:
"Congratulations on achieving peak banana management! 🍌🏆 #FruitNinja"
Sex before marriage is a sin unless you do it doggy style, because all dogs go to heaven. Follow me for more biblical loopholes.
Commentary:
I didn’t see this in the Bible study guide, but I’m definitely interested in the director’s cut. 😂📖🐶
Before I drink, I eat liver so the liquor won’t know which liver to attack.
Commentary:
😂🍹 "This liver's playing hide and seek like a pro! Who knew internal organs could outsmart a drink? Cheers to culinary camouflage!" 🍔🎉
I wonder what other animals we tried to ride before discovering that horses were cool with it.
Commentary:
🐒🦘 "Probably found out the hard way that kangaroos give you a bouncier ride than you'd like. 😂🤕"