If you stare at your face in the back of a spoon you look a lot like someone who doesn’t know how to use cutlery. Posted on6 hours ago
If I was lying down and someone came up and gave me tons of kisses and smooshed my face, I’d love it. I don’t know what my cat’s problem is. Posted on16 hours ago
A moth flies into your face out of nowhere. You could ask him why he does that, but what would you do with the information? Posted on23 hours ago
Accidentally punched myself in the face as I was getting dressed this morning, and I have to say, I deserved it. Posted on2 days ago
For this Halloween I’ve trained my eyebrows to leap off my face and destroy those who’ve angered me. Posted on2 days ago
You’re always bitching about your alarm clock, but put yourself in his shoes. The first thing he sees in the morning is your face. Posted on2 days ago
Anyone who deals with customers on a professional basis should be allowed to hand out one face slap per day. Posted on2 days ago
They say it is hard to look at lips that you are not allowed to kiss. You do not know how hard it is to look at a face that you are not allowed to hit. Posted on2 days ago
Just done a HIIT workout and if anyone sees me trying to do that again just go ahead and hiit me in the face. Posted on2 days ago
Cinderella was a mess. I mean, I have bad taste in men, but at least I never settled for a guy who couldn’t remember what my face looked like. Posted on3 days ago
Friends come and go, like the waves of the ocean, but the true ones stay like an octopus on your face. Posted on3 days ago
When I said you had a “serial killer face” I had meant it as a compliment. Like, you look like you are very ambitious is what I meant. Posted on4 days ago
My friend thinks he’s smart. He said onions are the only food that makes him cry. So I threw a coconut at his face. Posted on4 days ago
I never judge a book by its cover. People, though, I can tell are evil by their stupid faces. Posted on4 days ago
I love wearing sunglasses. Am I looking at your face? Am I looking at your ass? No one knows. Posted on4 days ago
It should be socially acceptable to just face the wall at a party when you need a break from talking. Posted on4 days ago
Whenever I’m sad, you’re there. Whenever I have problems, you’re there. Whenever I lose control, you’re there. Let’s face it, you are bad luck. Posted on4 days ago
Only two things are certain: death, and Princess Diana’s face on at least one grocery store magazine. Posted on5 days ago