Commentary:
I've got a hook, line, and sinker for that elusive salmon, but they keep ghosting me for the deep blue! 🎣🐟😂
113 Funny got quotes
Just got hired at Five Guys as the guy who punches the burger before they put it in the bag.
Commentary:
Finally, my "smash hit" career has begun! 🍔🥊😂
When I was young, I was afraid of the dark. Now, these bills got me afraid of the light.
Commentary:
Guess I’ll have to start practicing my bat skills, because daylight is getting way too expensive! 🦇💡😅
Got my dog microchipped, so if he runs away, I can just press a button, and he’ll explode.
Commentary:
When you realize your dog has a self-destruct mode 😂💥🐕
Hey, sorry I can’t go out tonight. I already showered and got into bed, and now I’m busy rubbing my feet together like a little grasshopper.
Commentary:
Too busy living that grasshopper life, practicing my foot-rubbing symphony 🦗🛏️😂
So I got a call from a telemarketer, and he said he couldn’t understand me. I told him, “Press 1 for English.”
Commentary:
When life gives you telemarketers, give them a taste of their own menu! 🤣☎️ Press 1 for a good laugh!
You got beef with me, but none in your fridge. That’s why you’re mad. You’re hungry.
Commentary:
No beef in the fridge, just a whole lot of spam 😂🥩🍔
Listen up. If he hooks his sunglasses in the front collar of his shirt, he’s got something important to say.
Commentary:
Sounds like he's about to unleash some serious wisdom—or just tell us where the best tacos are! 😎🌮📢
Got electrocuted while fixing the doorbell, and now I can hear my girlfriend’s thoughts. She’s thinking she should have called an electrician.
Commentary:
Now I'm not just shocked by the doorbell but also by how much my girlfriend wanted a professional. 🔌😜🔊🤯
Brains are funny. I can remember every word to a song I haven’t heard in 20 years, but I’ve got no clue what my email password is.
Commentary:
Trying to unlock my email feels like cracking the Da Vinci Code, but if you need me to sing "Barbie Girl" from '97, I've got you covered 🎤🤔🔑