Commentary:
When happiness holds you hostage, even alarms wave white flags! 😂⏰🏡
113 Funny got quotes
I’m upset that my parents never got rich enough for me to become a socialist.
Commentary:
Guess I'll just have to settle for being a fiscally conservative dreamer 💸🤔✨
I grew up ugly, so I had to be funny, and then got hot in my twenties, so that’s how I became perfect.
Commentary:
Glow up goals achieved: from a caterpillar comedian to a hot butterfly! 🐛➡️🦋😂
Parents become grandparents and lose all their senses. All of a sudden, they got McDonald’s money now.
Commentary:
Guess those wallets got a secret grandkid upgrade! 🍔💸👵👴
I got a lot of Jedi advice for somebody who could be turned to the dark side by moderate traffic.
Commentary:
Looks like I could use a GPS with the Force to navigate rush hour! 😂🚦✨
Just got some minutes of cardio trying to pick up an ice cube from the kitchen floor.
Commentary:
The ultimate cold workout: ice cube dodgeball! 🧊🏃♂️😂
The other day, I got the crazy idea to see if I could still do a cartwheel. I can’t.
Commentary:
I attempted a cartwheel and invented a new yoga pose: flailing flamingo 🦩🤣
If I was on Love Island, I wouldn’t be fighting anyone or starting drama. I would just be playing mermaids in the pool the whole time. They’ve got that giant, beautiful pool, and nobody’s using it.
Commentary:
🌊🤿 "Forget the drama, I'm just here for synchronized swimming and mermaid auditions. Who's got the glitter tails?" 🧜✨
I got a bumper sticker that says, “Honk if you think I’m pretty.” Sometimes I just sit at green lights until I feel better about myself.
Commentary:
Why wait for honks? Blast some music and strut your stuff, green light or not! 🚦💃🎶
I hate it when someone asks me what I did yesterday. I don’t know. Breathed a lot, probably got mad at something … sighed heavily. The list goes on.
Commentary:
Sounds like a typical day of Olympics-level adulting! 😅🥇💤