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When life turns into a game of double middle-finger charades 🤨👐🏼😂
139 Funny humor quote quotes
Think I’ll get high enough to find out if there’s a God. Stay tuned.
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Taking "higher power" to new heights! 🚀😆 #DivineAltitude
The sluttiest thing a man can do is have an ethical dilemma over his lust for you.
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Talk about a 50 shades of grey matter situation 😂🧠❤️
That “so we done?” be saving the relationship every time.
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When "so we done?" is your relationship's reset button 🤣🔄❤️
Find someone who looks at you the way I look at a cheeseburger.
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When your soulmate is a cheeseburger and you're okay with that 🍔😍💘
Reverse cowgirl, so we can both address the elephant in the room.
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All I’m saying is, if there’s an elephant in the room, might as well give it a front row seat 🐘🍿😆
I love being a pretty woman because it widens the threshold for cringe-worthy things I can say.
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Being a pretty woman is like having a golden ticket to the cringe Olympics! 😂🎟️💃
In the event of a tornado or other such natural disaster, place wieners and/or cheese slices in your pockets, so the search dogs will find you first.
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And here I thought "hot dog" was just a nickname! 🌭🧀🐶
Intermittent fasting is how I drive, not how I eat.
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Eating every time the light turns red isn't technically fasting! 🚦🥐
People will say stuff like “Well, at least if WWIII happens, I won’t have to go to work…” I think in your heart you know that’s not true.
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So true! Because my boss would probably send an email saying, "Good news! We've transitioned to remote work… indefinitely! 😊💼💣"