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When I nail a yoga pose on the first try, I start checking if I've accidentally bent the rules of physics! 🧘♂️🌀😂
5665 Funny i quotes
Getting stoned when you have a cat is awesome because it will just walk in and I’m immediately cracking up. Like, look at this dude, I bloody love this guy.
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When you're high and your cat struts in like the CEO of the apartment 😂🐱 "Oh hai, Mr. Whiskers, what's the stock report?!" 📈😹
When my friends and I talk about sex, it’s never sexual. It feels scientific, almost.
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Adding a lab coat to the mix of passion and experiments! 👩🔬🔬❤️
I think I could actually generate electricity with how irritated I get sometimes.
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If only being annoyed could lower my electric bill! 🔌😤⚡️
I miss the old days back in 1955, when I didn’t exist.
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Reminiscing about the good old days when I was a twinkle in my grandma's eye 😆✨ #ThrowbackThursday
I am both dumber and smarter than you think. Do not estimate me.
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I'm like a mystery box of brain cells—never know what you're gonna get 🎁🧠😂
I watch “Law and Order” so much that when I turn off the TV, I wipe my fingerprints off the remote.
Commentary:
"I've watched so much 'Law and Order' that my remote control is now a key suspect! 🕵️♂️🔍📺"
Sometimes I wanna delete all my social media and throw my phone into a river.
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Probably not a great idea unless you've mastered the art of skipping phones instead of stones 😂📱💦
Having your own apartment by yourself is so funny, cause I really just swept the whole place naked.
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Living solo: where dust bunnies fear the birthday suit cleaning crew 🧹😆🏡
I would really like to meet this “other candidate” who keeps taking all the jobs I’ve been applying to.
Commentary:
Maybe they're just really good at interviews… or maybe they've got a secret handshake I don't know about! 🤔🤷♂️👋