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Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฆ๐Ÿ‡ท has downloaded:

There should be a Mad Max movie that reveals the world outside Australia has actually remained pretty normal.

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My dog pisses on every election sign regardless of political party so I have no idea who he is voting for.

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Being able to notice that a celebrity unfollowed another celebrity is some seriously jobless behaviour.

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I donโ€™t understand why my cooking was garbage. I did everything right. I drank wine while I cooked. I had a hand towel over my shoulder. Literally everything right.

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Iโ€™ve never met a problem I couldnโ€™t make worse.

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Cheating before AI required a level of effort that you ended up learning something by default.

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I lied, there is no sex. Youโ€™re helping me repot plants.

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Stereotypes are like mass graves. Theyโ€™re both offensive ways to lump groups of people together.

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They portray Pilates like itโ€™s this cute girly thing and itโ€™s actually training for combat.

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As a pigeon mother, I would never let my pigeon daughter hang around the station. That’s really no place for a young pigeon lady.

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Someone from ๐Ÿ‡พ๐Ÿ‡ช has shared:

All of my passwords are protected by short-term memory loss.

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Getting a girlfriend is actually very easy, you just have to spin a basketball on your finger.

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I wish I could throw tomatoes at comments.

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I’m actually really peace-loving, but then there are other people.

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Dogs have two jobs: calm their humans when they are stressed. Stress their humans when they are calm.

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I wonder how my close personal beloved friend Taylor Swift is doing today.

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Stop avoiding your banking app. Go look at what youโ€™ve done.

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Not to brag, but I donโ€™t need alcohol to send texts Iโ€™ll regret.

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Going to the gym to exercise my demons.

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A coffee the size of Manhattan please.

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