1560 Funny joke quotes

• They’re selling me on Temu tomorrow.

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  1 month ago

  humor, joke, me, selling, shopping, Temu, tomorrow

• If you’ve never been hit with gay allegations, you’re not fly enough.

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  1 month ago

  allegation, allegations, attitude, confidence, enough, fly, gay, gay allegation, hit, humor, identity, joke, never

• Therapy? I have Spotify.

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  1 month ago

  health, humor, i, joke, mental, mental health, music, relaxation, Spotify, therapy

• Before I agree to the new year, I wanna read the terms and conditions.

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  1 month ago

  agree, agreement, before, caution, conditions, humor, i, joke, new, new year, procrastination, read, terms, terms and conditions, year

• I’m really into writing short fiction, mainly to-do lists.

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  1 month ago

  creative, creative writing, fiction, humor, joke, list, lists, productivity, short, short fiction, to-do, to-do list, writing

• My dental plan is, “I guess I’ll just chew on this side of my mouth from now on.”

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  1 month ago

  care, chew, dental, dental care, dental plan, guess, humor, i, joke, just, mouth, plan, side

• A delivery driver just asked for my date of birth. I said, “94.” He replied, “Is that 1994?” Oh, sorry mate, no. My bad, that was 1794. Right around the French Revolution.

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  1 month ago

  1794, 1994, around, asked, bad, birth, date, date of birth, delivery, delivery driver, driver, french, French Revolution, historical, historical joke, humor, i, joke, just, mate, misunderstanding, oh, revolution, right, said, sorry

• Handing over my ID at the post office. The clerk said, “You’ve aged quite a bit since this photo was taken.” I said, “Yes, I had it taken just before I joined this queue.”

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  1 month ago

  aging, before, bit, clerk, humor, i, ID, interaction, joke, just, office, over, photo, post, post office, queue, said, taken, yes

• My psych professor asked if we’d heard of Pavlov. I said, “It rings a bell.” No one laughed; I’m too witty for this class.

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  1 month ago

  asked, bell, class, humor, i, joke, Pavlov, professor, psych, psychology, pun, rings, said, too, wit, witty

• My toddler asked if we could go to the zoo today, and I said, “I can’t see that happening.” Then she literally left the room and came back with my glasses.

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  1 month ago

  asked, back, came, funny moment, glasses, happening, humor, i, joke, left, literally, misunderstanding, moment, parenting, room, said, today, toddler, zoo

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