122 funny live quotes - Page 3 - Wordgag

People who live in glass houses should install frosted glass around the toilet part.

May 22, 2026

My life is constantly oscillating between “must save money” and “you only live once”.

May 22, 2026

Have kids so you can live in a house full of people who can’t find anything.

May 22, 2026

I live in constant fear of being asked to repeat what you just said after I say I’m listening.

May 22, 2026

Next time I feel incompetent at my job, I hope I remember that someone once pushed a live software update that crashed half the planet.

May 22, 2026

As you get older, nothing loses its sting more than an authority figure saying they are disappointed in you. Like, I don’t know what to tell you, dude, we can’t both live in the prison of your expectations.

May 22, 2026

Stop telling everyone I’m posting from earth. People don’t need to know where I live.

May 22, 2026

Someone said I should think before I speak and I said “eww what a horrible way to live”

May 22, 2026

Paw Patrol is just annoying. Exactly how long do dogs live again on average?

May 22, 2026

I listen to a lot of white noise, so I get really excited when it rains or someone turns on a fan. It’s like seeing my favorite band live.

May 21, 2026

Most insane people live outside of madhouses.

May 21, 2026

Women know the exact weight of their children and their age in days. Men just know that little people live with them.

May 21, 2026

Both my wife and my doctor said no more jumping on the bed. But they don’t get it. They don’t know what it’s like to live with the Monkey Instinct.

May 21, 2026

Being a goldfish must be brilliant. Every six seconds you’re pleasantly surprised to find that you live in a castle.

May 21, 2026

There is a house I drive by most days and I can never tell if they are having a yard sale or that is just how they live.

May 21, 2026

Festival is when you pay a fortune to live like a homeless person.

May 21, 2026

Live, laugh, lie to the doctor about how many drinks you have per week.

May 21, 2026

The Playstation is broken and the child has noticed that I live here too.

May 21, 2026

In my 20s: I’m gonna live forever! In my 40s: uh oh!

May 21, 2026

I hate when I grab a live wire and everyone sees my damn skeleton.

May 21, 2026

Kinda rude my neighbors live next to me.

May 21, 2026

Laxatives help you live up to your full pooptential.

May 20, 2026

150 years ago, you could just fake your death and go overseas and live a completely different life if you didn’t like the way the cards were originally dealt.

May 20, 2026

Future generations will never have to live in unprecedented times, because we’re precedenting the Hell out of everything right now.

May 20, 2026

Learn from the mistakes of others, you can never live long enough to make them all yourself.

May 20, 2026

Dracula had it right, sleep all day, live alone in a castle and explode into a thousand bats to get out of social situations.

May 20, 2026

Two mysterious people live in my house. “Somebody” and “Nobody.” Somebody did it and nobody knows who.

May 20, 2026

Restaurants: put your phone down, live in the moment. Also, scan our QR code and browse our menu.

May 20, 2026

I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

May 20, 2026

Me to alien: I, too, try to live among people undetected.

May 20, 2026

Rabbits jump and they live for 8 years. Dogs run and they live for 15 years. Turtles do nothing and live for 150 years. Lesson learned.

May 20, 2026

My grandmother is a shining example of how you can live until 90 years of age, sustained by nothing but spite and biscuits.

May 20, 2026

My new diet plan is to hibernate and live off all this fat I’ve accumulated.

May 20, 2026

I live in my own little world. But it’s ok, they know me here.

May 20, 2026

My morning routine includes 20 minutes of staring at the ceiling thinking about how tired I am and debating if I really need to live today.

May 20, 2026

I like to live life dangerously by occasionally sticking my foot out over the edge of the bed at night.

May 20, 2026

I’m sorry, I didn’t realize that you’re an expert on my life and how I should live it! Please continue while I take notes.

May 20, 2026

I can’t believe we live in the timeline where we invented a technology to make it so we can never trust a photo or video again.

May 19, 2026

Oh, to live in an apartment alone and do whatever I want.

May 19, 2026

We need a word for a type of person who spends all their time working to live in a city so they can be near cool things, but they don’t actually like going out.

May 19, 2026