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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡§ has viewed:

I would do absolutely anything to get 8 hours of sleep, except for going to bed 8 hours before I need to wake up.

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡Ώ has shared:

Why does it take 5-7 business days to refund my money when it took 5-7 seconds to take it out of my account?

Someone from πŸ‡ΊπŸ‡¦ has bookmarked:

The real challenge of adulthood is figuring out what to eat every day.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡¨ has shared:

You can talk about any topic for 30 mins if you’re a confident liar.

Someone from πŸ‡©πŸ‡ͺ has viewed:

I can’t wait to retire so I can get up at 6 a.m. and go drive around really slow and make everybody late for work.

Someone from πŸ‡­πŸ‡· has copied:

She poured the milk before the cereal. It was not meant to be.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡© has bookmarked:

Pronouncing hyperbole like guacamole.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡» has bookmarked:

Imagine if we had to worry about dinosaurs too, on top of everything else.

Someone from πŸ‡³πŸ‡Ώ has bookmarked:

I love beating a dead horse with the girls. There is nothing better than a Saturday night rehashing, and never letting that horse rest in peace.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡Ή has shared:

Finally my winter fat has gone. I now have spring rolls.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,673

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Live now on Reddit:

Asking “how’s the job hunt going?” is a lot like asking “did you come?” I promise you, you’d hear if there was any success.

Just landed via YouTube:

With all the fake information out there, I refuse to believe scales or mirrors.

Seen just now on Slack:

I find as I get older it’s the little things that bring me joy. Like embarrassing my children.

Trending via Discord:

Twitter is basically a psychiatric ward where all the patients diagnose each other.

Just landed via Twitch:

It goes like this: You are born and then you basically do almost everything wrong. Then you die.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

I just need my friends to know I would do absolutely anything for them, except reply to their message.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

Hello 911? Yes, my wife is forcing me to walk over to meet the neighbors.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

Genuinely, why does the logo of every AI chatbot look like a butthole?

Shared recently on Facebook:

Not to brag, but my wife just described the dinner I made as β€œinteresting.”

Trending via Twitch:

The masculine urge to hitch your pants up after making a minor decision.

19 Funny midnight quotes

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Social Media Stars ⭐

35 shares on Messenger this month:

Wow, this is a really nice, sturdy box. I should keep it in the attic for the next 20 years.

37 shares on Reddit this month:

I have this epiphany every night that I need to turn it up a notch.

63 shares on Facebook this month:

Sorry, I’m late. I took a walk around the world to ease my troubled mind.

67 shares on WeChat this month:

Car naps hit different, especially when you are the one driving.

62 shares on YouTube this month:

Doesn’t matter, Your Honor! I, for one, found it very funny.

92 shares on Snapchat this month:

My favorite pastime is staying up way later than I should and complaining the next day about how tired I am.

81 shares on Discord this month:

Even a broken shrimp fries rice twice a day.

23 shares on Threads this month:

You couldn’t pay me to do this year again.

59 shares on Slack this month:

What if i just replied β€œnot now kitten daddy’s busy” to all my work emails?

10 shares on Slack this month:

I wanna be a jellyfishβ€” no heart, no brain, no feelings, no painβ€” just blub blub blub.

Trending Topics πŸ“

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes πŸ’₯

12 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I run every day for 30 minutes. If I miss a day, I add 30 minutes to the next day. This has truly been a game changer. Tomorrow I’m supposed to run for 3 weeks.

7 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Dating again after you break up with a long-term partner is like dying in a video game and ending up back at the start to do it all again, except with less health.

25 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Website: We use cookies to improve performance. Me: Same.

22 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Hey! (with the intention of going back to sleep)

7 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I bet being full feels so good for the moon.

14 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

β€œWhy would I lie to you?” I don’t know, maybe because you’re a liar.

8 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

If David Bowie taught us anything, it’s that being a little weird is better than being forgettable.

10 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I’m just falling in love with my problems now. Maybe they’ll leave me too.

20 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Being depressed is so embarrassing. It’s like, look at me, guys. I have nothing positive to say, and I make everything miserable.

8 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

We’re all just a bunch of addicts, struggling with our drug of choice.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,338

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡¦πŸ‡ͺ has shared:

Unless you fell off the treadmill, no one wants to hear about your workout.

Someone from πŸ‡»πŸ‡Ί has shared:

Why are plane tickets so expensive? You’re going that way anyway, just give me a ride.

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡­ has bookmarked:

Being a toddler’s favorite person is what real love actually looks like.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡» has bookmarked:

He died doing what he loved: trying to find out if gang members are ticklish.

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡© has downloaded:

My cat just sneezed a bunch of times in a row and then hissed at himself. What an icon!

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡Ό has shared:

Needlenose in HR says we can’t use nicknames anymore.

Someone from πŸ‡°πŸ‡² has shared:

Hate it when I pull out a winter coat and there’s no money stashed in it.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡· has shared:

Starting an OnlyFans, but it’s just videos of me trying to use chopsticks.

Someone from πŸ‡ͺπŸ‡· has copied:

In a packed elevator, everyone is silent. Stomach: I will now demonstrate the mating call of a whale.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡Ύ has copied:

What do you mean it’s Monday? We just had Monday. This can’t be right.

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Just landed via Threads:

Girlfriend says because we got Chinese yesterday, we can’t get it again today. I don’t think that makes sense. They do it in China all the time.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

A dating app for people who self sabotage called Hinder.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Unfortunately, I could never be nonchalant because I am not well in the head, and also my soul is on fire.

Making waves on X:

If you wanna make someone cry, just show them the earliest year they can retire.

Just landed via Telegram:

Hey bartender, can you turn down the music, please? This guy I just met is trying to explain how baseball works.

Just landed via Reddit:

I’m the type of idiot to be loyal during the talking stage.

Going viral on Telegram:

I love ordering things online because when they arrive it’s like a present from me to me.

Spotted on Reddit:

I don’t see why walking is healthy. Zombies walk constantly and they look awful.

Seen just now on TikTok:

They should invent a food that sounds good for dinner tonight.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

People without a sense of humor should not be allowed to decide what people with a sense of humor are allowed to laugh at.

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