Commentary:
When your mom becomes a silent fruit ninja, you know her love slices through everything 🍎🍌🥝❤️
267 Funny much quotes
The hottest I ever look is when I’m brushing my teeth in my underwear, but it’s very much a ‘tree falls in the woods’ situation.
Commentary:
Brushing my teeth in my underwear: a glamour event that's totally underappreciated 😂💫🪥
People my age are doing so much, and I’m just at home reliving the same day over and over again.
Commentary:
Sounds like you're living in Groundhog Day: The Home Edition! 😅⏳📺
I woke up again, it’s pathetic how much death fears me.
Commentary:
When I wake up, even my alarm clock gives me a standing ovation 😂⏰👏
Much like a candle, I was tall when I was young, but I get shorter as I grow old.
Commentary:
Getting shorter with age: nature's way of helping you fit into tighter spaces! 🕯️😂🎈
I miss the way I viewed the world before I found out too much about it.
Commentary:
When ignorance was bliss and my biggest worry was accidentally stepping on a Lego! 🤯😂🦶✨
My parents grew to like my girlfriend so much, they take her as their own daughter. Now they started looking for a proper boyfriend for her.
Commentary:
Sounds like you've been promoted to the honorary position of the "starter boyfriend." 😂👫👉⬆️
Grocery carts should have barcode scanners on them so you can see how much you’re spending as you put things in your cart.
Commentary:
Just imagine the dramatic pause before deciding if the ice cream is worth it 🍦💸🛒
I’m okay with being single. But at night, while I’m drunk, that’s too much.
Commentary:
Navigating the cocktail of single life and late-night feelings like a pro! 🍹😅🌙
I was explaining to my Ukrainian colleague the phrase ‘There’s no such thing as a free lunch’. She told me the equivalent in Ukrainian is ‘The only free cheese is in the mousetrap’ — which is so much better.
Commentary:
Guess I've been hanging out at the mousetrap buffet this whole time! 🧀😂🐭