265 Funny night quotes

• If you listen to my husband snore, you don’t need Jurassic Park anymore.

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  2 months ago

  animals, comparison, humor, husband, jurassic, Jurassic Park, listen, need, night, park, sleep, snore, sound

• I’m really looking forward to getting a full 8 hours of overthinking in tonight.

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  2 months ago

  anticipation, forward, full, getting, hours, humor, looking, night, overthinking, procrastination, relaxation, sleep

• Marriage is between two people: one person who is on the verge of sleep and one person who is asking if the front door is locked.

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  2 months ago

  asking, couple, domestic, domestic life, door, front, humor, life, marriage, night, people, person, relationship, security, sleep

• I wish I was as tired in bed at night as I am after lunch at work.

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  2 months ago

  am, bed, fatigue, humor, i, irony, lunch, night, rest, tired, wish, work

• I dreamt this night that I had died and when I woke up, a piece of me was actually already stiff.

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  2 months ago

  died, dream, humor, i, me, night, piece, sleep, stiff, woke

• I called the cops on my own party once because I was ready to go to bed.

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  2 months ago

  bed, cops, humor, i, late, late night, night, own, party, ready, sleep

• How can vampires enjoy drinking our hot blood in the summer and other thoughts that keep me up at night.

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  2 months ago

  blood, drinking, enjoy, enjoyment, hot, humor, insomnia, keep, me, night, summer, thoughts, vampire

• November doesn’t have afternoons. It’s just morning until 2 p.m., then night.

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  2 months ago

  2, afternoon, daylight, funny observation, humor, just, morning, night, November, observation, seasonal, time, winter

• If you’re going to stare all night and not say hello, do you mind taking your fingers and squishing my head from across the room?

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  2 months ago

  across, awkward, awkward situation, fingers, going, head, hello, humor, mind, night, room, say, situation, squish, squishing, stare

• If we’re not supposed to be snacking late at night why is there a light in the fridge?

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  2 months ago

  food, fridge, humor, late, light, logic, night, snacking

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