This year I'd like an advent calendar with 24 different tranquilizers.

This year I’d like an advent calendar with 24 different tranquilizers.

Commentary:
"Looks like someone is really counting down to a stress-free holiday season! 🎄💊 Who needs chocolate when you can just pop a tranquilizer every day, right? 😂 Here's to a peaceful and snoozeful Christmas countdown! 🛏️✨"

I need a massage for my brain.

I need a massage for my brain.

Commentary:
"Ah, a brain massage is the perfect remedy for those hard-to-reach knots of information and stress! 🤯💆‍♂️ Let's work those neurons and give your brain the relaxation it deserves! Who knew mental tension could be so therapeutic?"

Therapy isn’t enough. I need to run my brain through the dishwasher.

Therapy isn’t enough. I need to run my brain through the dishwasher.

Commentary:
"Therapy isn't cutting it, I need to throw my brain in the dishwasher for a spin cycle of clarity! 🧠🚿✨ Out with the dirty thoughts, in with the squeaky-clean ideas!"

As a wife and mother my hobbies include rage cleaning, rage cooking, and rage folding.

As a wife and mother my hobbies include rage cleaning, rage cooking, and rage folding.

Commentary:
"Ah, the joys of domestic bliss! When life gives you lemons, make sure to angrily scrub them clean, chop them with fury, and fold that laundry like it insulted your cooking! 🍋🔪👚 #MomLife #DomesticGoddess"

Hell, yes, I work out. Somebody has to support the ibuprofen industry.

Hell, yes, I work out. Somebody has to support the ibuprofen industry.

Commentary:
"Who needs a gym membership when you can single-handedly keep the ibuprofen industry afloat? 💪💊 #SwoleGoals #IbuprofenIsMyBFF"

Sure sex is cool, but have you ever farted away a stomachache?

Sure sex is cool, but have you ever farted away a stomachache?

Commentary:
"Sure, sex is cool and all, but have you ever experienced the miraculous healing power of a well-timed fart? 💨🤣 Who needs medicine when you've got nature's own remedy at your disposal! #GasIsTheBestMedicine"

Cursing after hitting oneself can reduce the pain by up to 50%.

Cursing after hitting oneself can reduce the pain by up to 50%.

Commentary:
Well, well, well, looks like we've finally found the magical spell to ease our troubles! 🧙‍♂️🎩 Who would have thought that a sprinkle of swear words could be the ultimate pain reliever? Now, excuse me while I practice my newfound potion-making skills next time I stub my toe! 🤬🧙‍♀️💫

Doctors don’t really need to hit you with that rubber hammer, it’s just how they release a lil tension through the day.

Doctors don’t really need to hit you with that rubber hammer, it’s just how they release a lil tension through the day.

Commentary:
"Well, I guess being a doctor does come with some perks – who knew playing whack-a-mole on your knee could be a stress-reliever? 🤪💉 #DoctorLife"