Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇩 has shared:

My car spider built a web across my steering wheel and now I can’t go anywhere.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has downloaded:

Holding this fart in feels like I’m pregnant with a dinosaur.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has viewed:

My my husband’s favorite thing is when I blame him for losing something that’s actually in my hand.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has downloaded:

Dear recipe websites. I don’t need your life story. Just give me the recipe.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has copied:

Throwing someone under the bus sounds hard, let’s just sell ’em down the river and call it a day.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has copied:

I live in constant fear of being asked to repeat what you just said after I say I’m listening.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has downloaded:

Discovering the Spice Girls broke up not over money and fame but lesbianism.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has copied:

I don’t want to party like it’s 1999, I want to go grocery shopping like it is.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has viewed:

I bet before the band got popular, Barenaked Ladies concerts had a lot of pissed off attendees.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has copied:

In my defense, Your Honor, I grossly misunderstood the meaning of Boxing Day.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Jan 20, 2026

3,689

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Instagram:

At the gym, everyone thinks exclusively about how little weight I can lift and how quickly I’m out of breath, because the world revolves around me.

Spotted on TikTok:

You know who else works in mysterious ways? Me.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

They should let you spend one night in a house before you buy/rent it, just to make sure it’s haunted.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

They say white people don’t have their own culture, but I just got invited to a gender reveal party for a dog, and there’s no way we appropriated that from anyone else.

Just landed via Threads:

The problem with meal prep is you have to eat the meal that you prepped.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

The cool thing about ignoring a notification is being surprised to see it over and over again.

Going viral on Pinterest:

I have decided to purchase the grocery store because it is now cheaper than the groceries inside it.

Making waves on Twitch:

Next time someone says “I’m a hugger” and tries to hug me, I’m gonna say “I’m a puncher” and see how it goes.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

Maybe if we sit extremely still, Monday won’t be able to see us.

Making waves on Twitch:

Soup is great for when you’re hungry but want to still feel hungry afterward.

Funny repair quotes

Funny repair quotes 🛠️ bring a hilarious twist to the world of fixing things! Whether you’re elbow-deep in tools 🔧 or just watching DIY disasters unfold, these witty sayings add laughter to every cracked pipe and loose screw 😂. Get ready to smile while tackling repairs or hearing about those oh-so-relatable oops moments that make fixing stuff way more entertaining! 🎉🔩

New funny repair quotes 👇

Took my car to the mechanic because it was making a terrible noise. He removed the Mariah Carey Christmas CD, and now it’s fine.

4 weeks ago

car, car repair, carey, cd, Christmas, Christmas CD, fine, holiday, holiday music, making, mariah, Mariah Carey, mechanic, music, noise, repair, terrible
“You’re a cardiologist? Is that like a fancy name for an auto mechanic?”

2 months ago

auto, auto mechanic, car, car repair, cardiologist, doctor, fancy, funny question, humor, joke, mechanic, medical, name, profession, question, repair
I really hope my house is haunted and not in need of structural repairs.

2 months ago

ghost, haunted, home, hope, house, humor, i, joke, need, repair, repairs, spooky, structural, structural repair
If a man says he’ll fix it, he will fix it. There’s no need to remind him every six months.

2 months ago

every, fix, forgetfulness, hell, humor, man, months, need, patience, procrastination, promise, reliability, remind, repair, six
All these microplastics in me could at least do some repair work to my knees and back while they’re in there.

2 months ago

back, health, humor, irony, knees, least, me, microplastic, microplastics, repair, repair work, self-deprecation, work
Handyman to customer: If I had wanted you to watch me work, I would have become an actor.

2 months ago

actor, customer, handyman, humor, i, joke, me, profession, remark, repair, wanted, watch, witty, witty remark, work
I belong to the generation that repaired the TV with a single blow to the casing.

2 months ago

blow, fix, generation, humor, i, nostalgia, old, old school, punch, repair, school, single, technology, TV
If you buy something with a lifetime warranty and it breaks, the manufacturer will send a hitman to your house.

3 months ago

break, buy, hitman, house, humor, joke, lifetime, manufacturer, repair, send, something, warranty

All funny repair quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

32 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Stop asking a clown why he keeps acting like a clown, ask yourself why you keep going to the circus.

78 shares on Messenger this month:

Went for a walk. Very pleasant evening. The squirrels and rabbits kept running away from me. That stung a little. I will remember their faces.

57 shares on Snapchat this month:

If anyone wants to sponsor me, I’ll be running a 0.002K this weekend to raise awareness for laziness.

28 shares on Telegram this month:

Me and the fellas making welcome gift baskets for the aliens.

49 shares on Messenger this month:

If I go quiet, it’s because I am plotting my escape or your demise.

47 shares on Threads this month:

My life is simple, I see a queue of more than 6 people, I go home.

31 shares on Threads this month:

I do not support all women. Some of you are very mean for no reason.

85 shares on YouTube this month:

Messages are way funnier when you know how the person talks.

81 shares on Reddit this month:

I put the hot in psychotic.

26 shares on Snapchat this month:

If you want to experience hunger, go and live with a wealthy person or family.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Reverse cowgirl so he doesn’t see the double chin.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

If you see me in public, it’s AI.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Current state of politics: The circus is on fire but the monkey is fine.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

“Don’t take this the wrong way!” Translation: Prepare for insult.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

If sex was strictly meant for procreation, why did God make it feel so good?

5 folks are currently checking 👀

That moment when you’re reading but realize you forgot to understand.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Blocking him isn’t enough. I want his favorite sports team to finish last every year for now and forever.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Psychiatry is crazy because they’re just like… Oh, you’re really depressed? Would being on a pill that makes you fat help?

21 folks are currently checking 👀

That’s me in the corner eating Nutella with a spoon.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

If you have any questions or concerns please don’t. Hesitate to ask.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,481

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇩 has copied:

“So if I had kids, my kids would never…” Spoiler: Yes, they would.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has downloaded:

Automated phone system: To speak to a representative, please enter the first twelve digits of pi.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has downloaded:

I put the ‘no’ in ‘I will let u know’.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has shared:

I’m heading to the beach without a beach body.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has copied:

People who take care of chickens are literally chicken tenders.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has copied:

I have noticed something quite worrying: after I buy more things I have less money.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has shared:

My real introduction to classical music came from watching Tom & Jerry cartoons as a kid. Also how I got into sadism.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has downloaded:

I sexually identify as a microwave dinner, because I am ready in 5 minutes, look nothing like my photos, and I’m just satisfying enough for you to want me again when you’re desperate.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has shared:

I’m a big fan of that post-laundry feeling when you’ve got all your A-list clothes back in the game.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has shared:

After Michael Jordan joined a religious order, he was known as Air Friar.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Telegram:

You never realize how long a minute is until you’re doing cardio.

Breaking via Instagram:

I just sneezed into my elbow and now I’m waiting for a preschool teacher to praise me.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

Tornados are just a bunch of ghosts fighting over a cow.

Trending via Twitch:

The elderberry is the wisest and most knowledgeable of all the berries.

Going viral on Instagram:

I hate it when my AirPods die instead of me.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Giving out false information so I know who the leak is.

Breaking via Instagram:

Maybe your dog is barking at my luggage because he doesn’t enjoy his job, officer.

Going viral on Slack:

You look like the type of person that would fart in bed and Dutch Oven yourself.

Trending via Twitch:

People aren’t too bad if you stay away from them and don’t go outside.

Making waves on Threads:

I’m at that point in my life where if a car hit me, I’d probably say thank you to the kind stranger.

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Made with ❤️ in Sydney ☀️🌴