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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇾 has viewed:

Considering that doctors are never on time, they should tell you to come a half hour late, not early.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has copied:

I am “any text received after 9pm will be answered at 6am” years old.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has bookmarked:

Nobody says, ‘Bless you,’ when you fart.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has downloaded:

If anyone needs me, I’ll be in a different realm.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has downloaded:

Tomorrow isn’t promised, so eat that cake today.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has viewed:

On the internet it’s super easy to take credit for stuff you had nothing to do with. That’s why I invented it.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has bookmarked:

I bought a “How to Be Spontaneous” course… it starts in six months.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has copied:

Italians, look away now. I break my spaghetti in half before I cook it.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has downloaded:

The only reason to engage with a neighbor is if either of you is on fire.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has copied:

The lion is starting to concern himself with things he’s been trying to ignore.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,595

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Reddit:

Don’t throw a relationship away just because you don’t agree with their choices, unless they wear Crocs, then it’s okay.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Don’t forget to brush your teeth, comb your hair, cleanse your face, and share my posts.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

I think I just hit a Labubu with my car.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but you don’t need anything from Amazon today.

Just landed via Slack:

Blocking someone isn’t enough; I need their PornHub videos to always buffer, just as they’re about to climax.

Just landed via Threads:

Damn, how much daylight are they trying to save? It’s dark as hell.

Spotted on Twitch:

If a door closes, you can just open it again. That is a door. Doors work like this.

Going viral on TikTok:

Sometimes your ankle takes a vacation while you’re walking.

Live now on X:

You should be able to google why a couple broke up.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

Everyone’s “the nicest guy ever” until the cops are in their backyard digging up several bodies.

174 Funny self quotes

More funny self quotes 👇

I don’t procrastinate, I delegate to my future self.

3 months ago

delegate, future, humor, i, management, procrastinate, responsibility, self, time, time management
True luxury is sleeping until you wake up by yourself.

3 months ago

comfort, freedom, humor, life, luxury, relaxation, self, sleeping, true, wake, waking, yourself
You should tell different people completely different things about yourself so that they then get into arguments when gossiping about you.

3 months ago

arguments, communication, deception, different, gossip, humor, people, self, should, strategy, tell, things, yourself
It’s okay, facial recognition. I don’t recognize myself anymore either.

3 months ago

change, facial, facial recognition, humor, i, identity, myself, okay, personal, recognition, self
Luckily, I realized that all this love I want to pour into someone else was actually meant for me.

3 months ago

actually, affection, else, humor, i, love, me, meant, realization, relationship, self, self-love, someone, want
You ever got inside jokes with yourself, or is that schizophrenia?

3 months ago

ever, got, health, humor, inside, inside joke, joke, jokes, mental, mental health, schizophrenia, self, self-talk, talk, yourself
Always tell people different stories about yourself, so when they talk about you, they’ll argue.

3 months ago

always, argue, different, humor, people, self, story, talk, tell, yourself
“Slipping in the shower and trying to hold on to the water jet…” Shall I tell you more about myself?

3 months ago

funny situation, hold, humor, i, jet, myself, personal, self, shower, situation, slipping, tell, trying, water
Note to self: Very important! First hang up, then insult.

3 months ago

advice, communication, hang, hang up, humor, important, insult, note, self
A dating app for people who self sabotage called Hinder.

3 months ago

app, comedy, dating, Hinder, humor, irony, people, relationships, sabotage, self, self sabotage

For even more funny self quotes, hit next 👇

All funny self quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

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Social Media Stars ⭐

21 shares on Twitch this month:

Do clouds ever look down on us and say, “This one is shaped like an idiot”?

78 shares on X this month:

“You’re under the weather?” We all are, idiot. It’s in the sky.

49 shares on Threads this month:

Is this art or trash?

48 shares on Twitch this month:

I deserve a love so pure that my nervous system can finally rest.

55 shares on Messenger this month:

I get it, laundry, no one is doing me either.

28 shares on Reddit this month:

Lego better be trying to cure child cancer with how much their shit cost.

56 shares on YouTube this month:

My optimism doesn’t come out of thin air. A flask is involved.

47 shares on Pinterest this month:

A girl like me should be in the sky, sitting on a star.

65 shares on LinkedIn this month:

You can do laundry every day and still be behind on laundry.

67 shares on Telegram this month:

Working your entire life so you can ‘enjoy’ a couple of years when you’re close to death is the biggest scam of all time.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇼 has viewed:

Fact: cats sit on your lap to dominate you.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has shared:

In high school I was voted “most likely to hold a grudge” and I’m still mad about it.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has viewed:

If anime hair were real, there would be so much color dysmorphia. Like, imagine getting brown. I would be so pissed.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has downloaded:

Losing jewelry is a different type of hurt.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has downloaded:

The closer you are to nature, the further you are from idiots.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has shared:

Started the year single. Ending the year single. Consistency is key.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has downloaded:

Who called it an undertaker and not a host mortem?

Someone from 🇱🇮 has copied:

I’m not saying I’m old, but when I was in school, we made our parents ashtrays for Christmas.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has viewed:

Our childhood photos might be ugly but those smiles were definitely not fake.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has shared:

“You’re so chill.” Thanks, I gave up.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via YouTube:

I would just once like to feel as powerful as a toddler throwing their sippy cup whilst sitting atop their high chair.

Shared recently on Slack:

Soft launching your call out the next day by telling everyone at work your stomach feels a little weird.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

I love how spring sprung and then disappeared again.

Spotted on Slack:

Don’t worry, baby, the back pain is because your wings are growing.

Going viral on Instagram:

I learned Morse code, and then I couldn’t sleep because the rain kept telling me to go fuck myself.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

I’m not asking for a lot, I just want someone down to earth that’s gonna touch me all over like my shower curtain does.

Going viral on WeChat:

Psychiatry is crazy because they’re just like… Oh, you’re really depressed? Would being on a pill that makes you fat help?

Freshly posted on TikTok:

When a woman texts you three questions, you should only answer one. She will love that.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Life is pretty much just a series of awkward and embarrassing moments, separated by snacks.

Going bananas on TikTok:

My morning coffee makes me feel like I’ve got my shit together. I don’t, but it makes me feel like I do.

Activity Log ✨

174 Funny self quotes

More funny self quotes 👇

All funny self quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

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