Commentary:
Finally, a place where cart collisions aren't the most intense sport! 🛒🤹♂️ #SpatialAwarenessSuperMarket
451 Funny should quotes
A gentle reminder that if your birth year starts with a 19, you should consider wrapping the Christmas presents on a table, and not on the floor.
Commentary:
Looks like my back just RSVP'd 'nope' to floor wrapping this year! 🎁🙅♂️🧓
They should make a biopic of just some random guy.
Commentary:
When life gives you lemons, make a biopic about the guy who bought them 🍋🎬😂
I should be able to eat one huge meal a month, like a snake. This every-few-hours shit sucks.
Commentary:
Imagine the savings on grocery bills… and napkins! 🐍🍽️ #SnakeLife
Car insurance should give you back money at the end of the year for having no accidents.
Commentary:
I drive like a grandma on a Sunday morning, where's my "Safe Driver Bonus" at? 🚗💸👵
I am sick and tired of going to the bathroom. It’s been forty years. It should all be out by now.
Commentary:
Forty years of bathroom trips and still not done—my bladder must be harboring secrets! 🚽🤔🤣
There should be bloopers at the end of horror films to relax the viewer before sleeping.
Commentary:
Just imagining the creepy ghost tripping over a rug is the bedtime story we all need! 😂👻🎬
There should be a “Take Your Friend to Work Day,” so we can actually see what our friends do all day and meet the characters from all their work stories.
Commentary:
Is this the day I find out my friend is secretly a superhero or just really good at coffee runs? 🦸♀️☕️👔
I’m of the very strong opinion that sex ed should be taught by a woman 37 weeks into her third pregnancy, while her husband sits scrolling through his phone, and her other two children run wild.
Commentary:
Having a seasoned pro teach sex ed is like learning to swim from a shark—you're definitely getting the real deal! 🦈😅📱
“Full-time” should be 20 hours max, man. This is ridiculous. I’ve got other stuff to do.
Commentary:
Work less, live more! Can I get a "heck yeah" from my couch? 🛋️😴 #Priorities