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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇳 has bookmarked:

Not only is it not Friday, but it’s not even Thursday.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has viewed:

I held the door for an old person today and he was like, “didn’t we go to high school together” and we did.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has shared:

One of the kids said, “Camping looks fun,” so tonight we’re watching The Revenant.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has downloaded:

I like it when you’re reading a comic and you can tell the writer is pissed about what the last writer did to the character.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has viewed:

I’m starting to understand the distant uncle.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has bookmarked:

Living with a dog is 90% following each other around, watching each other go potty, and wondering what the other has in their mouth.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has bookmarked:

Went to the hairdresser today and now I look much younger. I’m thinking about going back tomorrow.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has shared:

The older I get, the more I understand why Grumpy Old Men exist.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has bookmarked:

Sometimes I’ll do a random act of kindness, like keeping my mouth shut, for example.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has bookmarked:

Walking into someone’s house with healthy, thriving houseplants everywhere: “Oh, I see you dabble in witchcraft!”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Jan 20, 2026

3,512

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via WeChat:

Curious that talented athletes frequently credit God when they win, but we rarely see them blame God when they lose.

Going bananas on Facebook:

Sorry I was late, I was waiting for my CVS receipt to finish printing.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

150 years ago, you could just fake your death and go overseas and live a completely different life if you didn’t like the way the cards were originally dealt.

Just shared via Twitch:

Every day when I get home, I thank my cats for allowing me to live in their house.

Going viral on Slack:

Study international relations and political science if you watch the news and think, I’d like this to make me even more depressed.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

If I sing “Hello” and you think of “Lionel Richie” and not “Adele,” then you can probably predict the weather with one of your knees.

Just shared via Instagram:

Training a cat is very easy. After a few days, you do what she wants.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Podcasts are like babies, they’re too easy to create and not everyone should have one.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

My brain logged me out due to inactivity, and I can’t remember the password.

Going viral on WeChat:

If I were in charge of Nike, I’d change the slogan to “Just Say You Did It. Nobody Ever Checks.”

16 Funny slap quotes

Funny slap quotes bring a hilarious twist to those unexpected moments when humor meets a playful smack! 😂 Whether it’s a witty comeback or a cheeky jab, these quotes slap just the right amount of fun into your day. Ready to laugh out loud and share some clever punches? Let’s dive into the world of witty words that pack a punch! 👊🤣✨

New funny slap quotes 👇

That drum solo from In the Air Tonight, but it’s me just slapping my tummy, waiting for the microwave to beep.

1 day ago

air, beep, drum, drum solo, humor, In the Air Tonight, just, kitchen, kitchen humor, me, microwave, music, music parody, parody, slap, solo, tonight, tummy, tummy slap, waiting
People don’t get slapped enough with empty gloves these days.

2 months ago

days, empty, enough, glove, humor, people, sarcasm, slap
When you really want to slap someone, do it and say, “Mosquito!

2 months ago

annoyance, funny insult, humor, humor quote, insult, mosquito, prank, sarcasm, say, slap, someone, want
Being a woman is hard. You always want to buy something, slap someone, lose weight and eat something sweet.

2 months ago

always, anger, being, buy, daily, daily struggle, eat, hard, humor, lose, loss, relatable, shopping, slap, someone, something, struggle, sweet, sweets, want, weight, weight loss, woman
When Chuck Norris was born, the doctor got slapped.

2 months ago

birth, born, chuck, Chuck Norris, doctor, humor, joke, norris, slap, toughness
If my coworker doesn’t stop asking questions on this Zoom meeting, I will drive across town and slap his face on the call.

2 months ago

asking, call, coworker, drive, frustration, humor, meeting, question, slap, stop, work, Zoom
People who work in retail should be allowed to slap a customer or two each Christmas, as a little treat.

2 months ago

allowed, Christmas, customer, humor, little, people, relief, retail, should, slap, stress, stress relief, treat, work
I really want an emotional support octopus so I can train it to slap people and shoplift.

2 months ago

emotional, emotional support, humor, i, octopus, people, pet, shoplift, slap, support, train, training, want
I love that cats slap the shit out of everything they can’t understand.

2 months ago

behavior, cat, cats, everything, humor, i, love, misunderstanding, shit, slap, understand
I want to be a house cat and simply slap the shit out of anything in front of me that I do not understand.

2 months ago

animal, animal behavior, anything, behavior, carefree, cat, confusion, front, frustration, house, house cat, humor, i, me, shit, simplicity, slap, understand, want

For even more funny slap quotes, hit next 👇

All funny slap quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

66 shares on WhatsApp this month:

McDonald’s is finally promoting good health by making their food unaffordable.

14 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Pleasantly surprised to discover the treadmill I bought came with a remote control, so I can run it from my recliner.

20 shares on Messenger this month:

I just love the lack of privacy in the pharmacy line. Just standing there shouting out my name, date of birth, and exactly what is wrong with me for the world to hear.

61 shares on X this month:

First responders? You mean reply guys?

49 shares on Twitch this month:

Flossed the day before a dentist appointment like I was cramming for a history test.

35 shares on Threads this month:

I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done.

65 shares on Messenger this month:

Of course, I also put my mobile down from time to time. For example, when someone tries to call me.

52 shares on Snapchat this month:

You are the Monday of my life.

57 shares on Threads this month:

Y’all ever skip a class and then have the post-skip class depression? Like, damn, I should’ve just gone.

83 shares on Discord this month:

It’s all fun and games until your jeans don’t fit any more.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

15 folks are currently checking 👀

When I don’t have money, I stop talking to women out of respect.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Don’t forget to overestimate your importance today.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I passed my genetic engineering exam with flying koalas.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Not a religious man but I do say a short prayer whenever I open a gas station restroom door.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I know life can be tough, but you still gotta wear deodorant.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Me to alien: I, too, try to live among people undetected.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

A mustache is just mouth bangs.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

The second half of your life begins when you stop wanting to get even and start wanting to get odd.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Having no one to talk would get you a good sleeping schedule.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

My daughter’s new Bluetooth karaoke mic has suddenly and mysteriously disappeared, and we are all just so, so sad that we can’t find it.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,387

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇸 has shared:

When I’m done eating… I have to show my hands to my cat, like I’m a blackjack dealer.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has viewed:

My body’s check engine light has been on for years.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has viewed:

My goal weight is getting a magician to saw me in half.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has copied:

Does anyone play Trivial Pursuit anymore, or did it retire with the encyclopedias?

Someone from 🇱🇰 has downloaded:

The early bird gets to cry for a little bit longer in the work parking lot.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has bookmarked:

Babe, are you ok? You’ve barely talked about the horrors of being alive.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has viewed:

I love when my brain cells kiss and I have an idea.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has shared:

Good luck to everyone out there trying to gather enough energy to function this week.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has downloaded:

I hate porn that starts off with sex. I need to know why they have sex.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has viewed:

How do you know I’m not just a figment of your imagination?

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

I’m so old, I still drink my coffee at home in the morning. From a real cup.

Breaking via Slack:

Twitter is Iike the smoking area for social media.

Seen just now on Slack:

I’m forced to conclude that not liking my posts is a you problem.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

I bet the guy who named the sperm whale wasn’t allowed to name things anymore after that.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Mayor of a small town is such a wild job. It’s like being the president of a country where you went to high school with the whole population.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Welcome to your 40s, your level of cleaning is directly related to whether your guest can see without readers.

Just shared via Reddit:

I need someone to convince me into or out of buying a jetski. I can’t keep living in this purgatory.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

If I was a star and you were a star, I would wink at you and blink at you and twinkle at you and the earthlings would call it science.

Shared recently on X:

My dog sets an impossible bar for how I should greet my wife when she comes home.

Shared recently on Telegram:

The Playstation is broken and the child has noticed that I live here too.

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