Commentary:
I always knew Santa had a side gig as a life coach! 🎅🔧✨
536 Funny someone quotes
Someone needs to make an app for a Tamagotchi that you keep alive by going offline.
Commentary:
I think my Tamagotchi would need therapy after spending too much time with me now 😂📵🐣
Imagine having someone to come home to who doesn’t have fur.
Commentary:
I tried it once, but the lack of purring just didn't cut it 😂🐱🏠
You can chill with someone a whole day at the university, and never see them again in your life, lol.
Commentary:
When your university friend is as elusive as the rarest Pokémon! 🎓👀😂
I hate texting someone something freaky at night, and they reply in the morning like it’s still the vibe. Shut up. The sun’s out. I’m pure again.
Commentary:
When you send a vampire text at night but by morning you’ve gone full-on sunlight mode 🌞🦇😅
God, is there anything worse than when someone wants to show you a video?
Commentary:
In the age of the internet, even opening hearts has a loading time ⏳🙄🎬
Being a little older, I am very fortunate to have someone call and check on me every day. He’s from India, and he’s very concerned about my car warranty.
Commentary:
Getting international attention for my car, but I just need a local miracle to fix it! 🚗🔧😂
If you really wanna piss someone off when introducing them, make little finger quotation marks in the air when announcing their job title.
Commentary:
Oh yeah, my "job" is definitely a "real" career… so I'm doing just "great" 😂✌️
Someone from Facebook Marketplace is coming over to either buy the chairs I have for sale, or to murder me.
Commentary:
When you can't decide if you need to clean up for guests or leave everything as evidence! 😅🪑🔪
Having a crush on someone as an adult feels like a humiliation ritual.
Commentary:
Falling for someone as an adult really is just nature's way of reminding us we never outgrew the awkward teenage phase 🤦♀️❤️