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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇦 has copied:

I’m a bit of a traditionalist, so on my birthday, I smear my body with embryonic fluid.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has bookmarked:

Just flipped my mattress, should have woken up my wife first.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has copied:

Quality women really do attract everyone. A bright light always attracts all types of bugs.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has bookmarked:

I’m so good at missing early morning meetings, I can do it with my eyes closed.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has bookmarked:

Don’t let me drive if you’re gonna scream every time we almost die.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has viewed:

“Help us improve Instagram!” Nice try, fix your own damn website.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has bookmarked:

Some days you feel like a hotel light. You’re there, but you don’t have enough energy to really do anything.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has shared:

Hot singles over 40 in your area are curious what you use for joint pain and inflammation.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has copied:

God, I was so happy when I was 18. I wasn’t at the time, but in retrospect I was.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has copied:

At the strip club sighing until one of the dancers asks me what’s wrong.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

800 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,962

Funny Quotes Topics

13,930

Funny Quotes Images

10,962

Updated

13 minutes ago

Users Online

3,436

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Instagram:

Went to the grocery store hungry. I didn’t need to pay rent this month anyway.

Going viral on WeChat:

Hangman is so great. No better way for a child to learn how to spell than by having to save a man from hanging to death.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

You want to go out in the sun and then you can’t get the couch through the door.

Making waves on Pinterest:

I think I’m closer to retirement than to a relationship.

Live now on Threads:

I rode around the block on my bike for the first time in years and now I understand why Lance Armstrong took performance enhancing drugs.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Not being able to see Likes on posts is a tragedy. Love it when two people are arguing and you can see all their little backup dancers.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Lord, please take this gas out of my stomach and put it in my car.

Spotted on YouTube:

My career plan? Win the lottery and disappear.

Making waves on WeChat:

I hate it when I’m at work and someone asks “are you at free at the moment?”. Please expand further so I can know if I’m free or not.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

My dog pisses on every election sign regardless of political party so I have no idea who he is voting for.

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

800 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,962

Funny Quotes Topics

13,930

Funny Quotes Images

10,962

Updated

13 minutes ago

Users Online

3,441

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇻 has downloaded:

Normalize talking to people in the gym who have earbuds in, they love that.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has downloaded:

You gotta be careful: don’t say a word to nobody about nothing anytime ever.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has viewed:

Welcome to Netflix. We have every movie but the one you actually want to watch.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has viewed:

Pro Tip: Never make snow angels in a dog park.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has viewed:

Given the amount of clowns around here, you’d think it would be more entertaining.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has downloaded:

Imagine hating me and im just at my desk spinning reeaaally fast in my office chair.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has bookmarked:

When I’m drafting a legal document, I’ll sprinkle the word “herein” all over that thing like it’s paprika.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has downloaded:

One thing I love about the internet is seeing some of the most hateful people posting inspirational quotes.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has viewed:

One day you’re young and carefree and the next, you’re preheating the bathroom before you go in for a shower.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has viewed:

My patience is like a gift card, not sure how much is left but lets give it a try.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via X:

Almost fell asleep while putting on the sweater because it got dark for a moment. That’s all you need to know about my morning state.

Making waves on TikTok:

The reason my eyes are dilated is because I am so attracted to you, officer.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Having a pool is so neat. All of your friends are suddenly interested to catch up on the hottest days of the year.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

My New Years resolutions are to do some things, and stop doing some other things.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Them: OMG, I haven’t seen you in so long. Me: Yeah, that was on purpose.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

We all know that mirrors don’t lie. I’m just very grateful that they don’t laugh.

Just shared via Telegram:

Just once I’d like to hear a doctor say, “Your guess is as good as mine.”

Going viral on YouTube:

Don’t tell me that everything was better in the past. I was there.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

It’s comical when I lean back in my chair only to realize it’s a stool.

Reported on Instagram:

Who’s going to run in movies when Tom Cruise retires?

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