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39 Funny together quotes

The worst thing you can do when you notice your kids are playing nicely together is telling them that they’re playing nicely together.

3 months ago

Hey, I noticed you’re completely uninterested in me and couldn’t care whether I live or die. Would you like to build a life together?

3 months ago

I hate when flies rub their disgusting little hands together. What could you possibly be plotting? You can’t even get out of the open window.

3 months ago

Somebody needs to get my shit together.

3 months ago

Seeing my kids getting along, laughing, and peacefully playing together is the best minute of my day.

3 months ago

Stereotypes are like mass graves. They’re both offensive ways to lump groups of people together.

3 months ago

Just saw two identical twins out in public together. No disrespect to that lifestyle but please keep it private.

3 months ago

Only after moving in together do you realize your girlfriend’s little quirks. Mine, for example, stores vegetables in the beer compartment.

3 months ago

Whenever I get up my cat gets up too and then yells at me like it’s my fault she decided we have to do this together.

3 months ago

You can never really “own” earbuds. You just have to appreciate the time you had together.

3 months ago

I hate when an old man tries to friend me on Facebook and then I realize we went to high school together.

3 months ago

Handshakes should be banned. Touch our naked body parts together for all the world to see? Gross!

3 months ago

Nothing brings neighbors together like a few cops cars in front of another neighbor’s house that no one likes.

3 months ago

Socks teach us that being made for each other does not mean being together.

3 months ago

My boyfriend moved in with me straight from Hotel Mama. In a way, I’m now a single parent.

3 months ago

Can’t, trying to piece together today’s news from social media posts.

3 months ago

Nobody plays better together than siblings being told it’s bedtime.

3 months ago

Deeply unfair of people to assume I have my life together just because I’m boring.

3 months ago

I don’t mean to brag, but I put together a puzzle in 1 day and the box said 2-4 years.

3 months ago