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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇿 has bookmarked:

When people say something is cray-cray it makes me wanna vom-vom.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has viewed:

Considering that doctors are never on time, they should tell you to come a half hour late, not early.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has bookmarked:

I always work very hard and intensively to ensure that my wife can proudly say: “That idiot over there? Yes, that’s mine!”

Someone from 🇶🇦 has viewed:

Nobody will know you’re stoned if you’re always stoned.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has copied:

I mostly stopped responding to emails three years ago, and aside from various consequences, it’s been fine.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has copied:

I’m sorry for inventing the universe.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has bookmarked:

I should’ve gotten my affairs in order before I decided to bite into this hot pepper.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has viewed:

I won $6 on a scratch-off last night. Out of my way, peasants!

Someone from 🇿🇲 has shared:

Me and my boys are broke, so we take turns taking pictures of one iced matcha.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has downloaded:

I do not have a “body count.” I have a curious spirit.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Dec 31, 2025

3,416

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via YouTube:

One day you’re young and fun and the next you’re excited about your organized fridge.

Live now on YouTube:

My dream is being pitted against the world’s greatest AI in a writing contest and crafting a story that’s so beautiful that I make the computer cry.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

Yesterday I went to a fight and a baseball game broke out.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Everybody loves that comfort food until you end up with that comfort body.

Just landed via Instagram:

Before I start seeing a psychiatrist, does anyone like me crazy?

Going bananas on Facebook:

I drive regularly so that my brain doesn’t forget swear words.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

My favorite thing about summer is opening a window for 30 seconds so an insect that hasn’t been identified by science yet can fly into your home.

Making waves on Instagram:

My phone and it’s charger are in a situationship and sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t.

Just landed via Telegram:

“You’re a flirt!” God forbid a girl has good communication skills.

Trending via LinkedIn:

One interesting thing I learned in my thirties is that you can leave a bar before it closes.

19 Funny Tuesday quotes

Funny Tuesday quotes bring a touch of humor to the often-overlooked middle of the week. 📅😄 From witty observations about the slow crawl to the weekend to playful jabs at the challenges of Tuesday, these quotes celebrate the lighter side of this midweek moment. Enjoy a laugh and make the most of your Tuesday! 📅😄

New funny Tuesday quotes 👇

Tuesday is just another Monday, but reheated.

0

3 weeks ago

another, humor, just, Monday, reheated, repetition, tired, Tuesday, weekday, workweek
Oh, you’re extending your sale? Your Black Friday sale that ended on Tuesday? You’re extending it?

0

4 weeks ago

black, Black Friday, extension, Friday, humor, oh, sale, sarcasm, shopping, Tuesday
The week be like Mooonnnday, Tueeesday, Weeeeednesday, Thuuuuursday, FriSatSun

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1 month ago

day, day name, exaggeration, Friday, funny week, humor, Monday, name, Saturday, Sunday, Thursday, Tuesday, Wednesday, week, weekday, weekend
There is no physical evidence to say that today is Tuesday, we all just have to trust that someone kept count since the first one ever.

0

2 months ago

calendar, count, counting, day, ever, evidence, just, physical, physical evidence, say, someone, time, today, trust, Tuesday
The best way to get through Monday is to pretend it’s Tuesday.

0

2 months ago

best, humor, mindset, Monday, motivation, pretend, procrastination, through, Tuesday, workweek
Tuesday is no better than Monday.

0

2 months ago

better, humor, Monday, motivation, procrastination, sarcasm, Tuesday, weekday, workweek
I survived a Monday, and for what? Tuesday? Disgusting.

0

2 months ago

disgusting, frustration, humor, i, Monday, sarcasm, survival, Tuesday, weekday, workweek
Welcome to your 40’s: you’re not hungover, it’s just Tuesday.

0

2 months ago

40s, adult, adult life, aging, hangover, humor, hungover, just, life, Tuesday, welcome
It’s Friday. I ran out of small talk on Tuesday. Please leave me alone.

0

2 months ago

alone, Friday, frustration, humor, i, independence, introvert, leave, me, please, ran, small, small talk, solitude, talk, Tuesday
We’re putting that movie you love back in theaters on one random Wednesday — and we’re not gonna tell you until Tuesday.

0

2 months ago

activity, announcement, back, fun, fun activity, love, movie, plan, putting, random, secret, surprise, tell, theater, Tuesday, unexpected, Wednesday

For even more funny Tuesday quotes, hit next 👇

All funny Tuesday quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

47 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Anytime a guy says “that’s what she said” always reply with “yeah, but not to you”.

48 shares on Slack this month:

The older I get, the earlier it gets late.

48 shares on Pinterest this month:

I would go out of my mind, but I can’t find the exit.

32 shares on X this month:

Jacket I left on a chair that sometimes looks like a person at night stuns in new evening nightmare.

24 shares on Instagram this month:

It’s getting very expensive to be alive.

92 shares on Messenger this month:

Rule number 1 at a concert: Don’t sing while filming!

38 shares on Telegram this month:

Who are these people that buy unsalted butter on purpose?

32 shares on Pinterest this month:

I haven’t lost my virginity because I never lose.

46 shares on Threads this month:

I like to do a task by worrying about it for three weeks and then finally dedicating 10 solid minutes to completing it.

18 shares on Instagram this month:

Why do my kids have Veteran’s Day off, they haven’t done shit.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

16 folks are currently checking 👀

My children are very helpful. For example, when I ask them to do something, they suggest a different child that could do it instead.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Sorry, I can’t tonight. I’m busy taking things personally.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

There should be guide dogs that prevent you from making bad decisions.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

The first thing you need to know about social media is that everyone’s on vacation, except for you.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s a fabulous time to be alive if you love: verification codes, verifying your email, yelling ‘REAL PERSON’ into a phone at a robot, reading nightmarish news all day, every day, hot.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Men can stay up til 2 a.m., wake up at 6, be in debt, broke, alone, and still have faith that one day, everything will work out. It’s called being a man.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ll stop smoking weed when life stops smoking me.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Real introverts are too introverted to tell people they’re introverts.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

The audacity of my parents’ oldies station now playing 80s music.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I remember when a computer didn’t automatically connect to the internet, it used to make a screaming noise. We should have listened.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,703

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇲 has shared:

You’ve agreed to go out with me, so that’s going to immediately count against you.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has bookmarked:

Opinions are like air fryers. Everyone’s got one and they won’t stop banging on about them.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has shared:

There is no such thing as fun for the whole family.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has bookmarked:

I wrote a book. It’s a murder mystery. You’re in it but only for the first couple of chapters.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has copied:

Waiting in the grocery store parking lot for the rotisserie chickens to be ready. The thrill of the hunt.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has shared:

I admire how time manages to quickly heal wounds but takes forever to remove awkward tan lines.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has shared:

My teen would like you to know I ruined her life when I did her laundry today.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has viewed:

My fondest childhood memory is being able to sleep through the entire night and waking up rested.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has bookmarked:

Responding to any and all emails with ‘wow ok’

Someone from 🇷🇸 has shared:

Think that’s enough todaying for today.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Slack:

When my sister drives, I am NOT passenger princess, I am a survivor.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Never let your job prevent you from acting unemployed.

Just landed via Discord:

What part of “I don’t want to spend any more money” don’t I understand?

Seen just now on Reddit:

After overthinking about it for 6 hours, I have decided that it’s actually not that big of a deal.

Making waves on Pinterest:

I’m not saying Lois Lane is a bad investigative journalist, but my friend Greg didn’t wear glasses to work yesterday and I recognized him by lunch time.

Shared recently on YouTube:

We really do need a separate grocery store for people who’ve been on Earth before.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

The answer is a cabin in the woods, by the way.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Traveling long distance without earphones feels like you’re serving a jail term.

Just landed via Instagram:

I accidentally take a screenshot of my phone background at least once a week.

Live now on Instagram:

According to the web, caffeine deficiency is a life threatening condition for people around you.

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