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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇶 has downloaded:

When your parents are on a call and they ask for a pen, man, that pressure is real.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has bookmarked:

Dear autocorrect, that’s not what I was trying to say. I’m getting tired of your shirt.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has copied:

“I’m at a point in my life where my favorite thing to do is nothing.”

Someone from 🇹🇹 has bookmarked:

I lied, there’s no sex. I just need you to change the batteries in my smoke detectors.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has bookmarked:

You were promised to me 3,000 years ago.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has copied:

“My reading glasses would look good on your nightstand.” -Me, flirting.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has viewed:

Going to therapy is like having someone walk around your brain and going “ohhhh, this is how you’re living?!”

Someone from 🇵🇬 has bookmarked:

Easy there, unsaved number.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has downloaded:

Ever since I was little, I knew I wanted people to watch how they speak to me.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has bookmarked:

They should list at least one alien “as himself” in the Star Wars credits.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,647

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

Phone addiction got so bad that watching a movie feels productive.

Just landed via TikTok:

A good substitute for love and and personal fulfillment is a big bowl of fries.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

The difference between the Olympic village and a normal village is that not everyone in the Olympic village is related to each other.

Just shared via Instagram:

People pleasing doesn’t go well with my black attire.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

People who don’t admit their mistakes disgust me. I would absolutely admit to a mistake if I had ever made one.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

I am cutting contact with my 3-year-old narcissist nephew.

Freshly posted on Slack:

I’m not afraid of ghosts because everyone who’s mad at me is still alive.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Welcome to your 50s, where coffee is the new happy hour and mornings are the new hangover.

Shared recently on Slack:

Insurance is cool because even if you have it, it still kinda feels like you don’t.

Just shared via Facebook:

When Dr. Seuss wrote, “Oh, The Places You’ll Go,” he did not consider how comfortable my couch would be.

I don’t like to call it a xenomorph — I prefer the term “the alien from Alien.”

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I don’t like to call it a xenomorph — I prefer the term “the alien from Alien.”
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah yes, the ultimate game of intergalactic telephone! 📞👽 'Xenomorph' was just too formal for startle-and-scream introductions! 😂🚀"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Social Media Stars ⭐

46 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Please don’t ask me what my hobbies are, I lost interest in life back in 6th grade.

57 shares on Pinterest this month:

Silicon Valley has taken over the world. Remember when nerds had the good manners to be ashamed of themselves?

41 shares on YouTube this month:

“I’m not falling for that again,” I say, as I’m about to fall for whatever that is again.

21 shares on Snapchat this month:

I could have been the favorite mistress of the Sun King at Versailles, but nooooooooo I had to be born into late stage capitalism.

42 shares on TikTok this month:

Introducing WifeChat™, the app where you talk to your wife.

35 shares on Instagram this month:

Wearing shorts and my pale legs screamed at the sensation of sunlight like vampires.

14 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I’m an adult, but not the ‘makes positive life choices’ kind.

88 shares on Discord this month:

It doesn’t matter how old you are, when it starts thundering and lightning, you go and sit at the window to watch.

33 shares on Pinterest this month:

The train announcer just said we should keep our personal belongings with us at all times but I’ve left most of mine at home.

73 shares on X this month:

The world would be a much nicer place if we just turn off the news.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Sleeping in in winter is really great, you still have about an hour of daylight left before it gets dark again.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I am “any text received after 9pm will be answered at 6am” years old.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Calling ahead to the cafe to warn them to “get those beans brewing”.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Unfortunately, I’m not nonchalant or mysterious. I’m just a naturally awkward person who becomes talkative once I’m comfortable.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

My therapist says I’m preoccupied with revenge. She’s going to regret that.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Therapy? You mean birdwatching.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Do other people remember toasters with wings flying across our computer screens or was that a fever dream I just had?

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I yelled at my cat and the other cats yelled at me. Like wow, okay, pay my mortgage then.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

The worst thing about wearing headphones is when you hallucinate people shouting you. Like, why does this happen?

21 folks are currently checking 👀

When you turn 50, they change the lightbulb in your fridge to that memory eraser from Men in Black.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,628

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇶🇦 has downloaded:

I hope this email finds you in a well.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has shared:

Too self-aware for foreplay. I’m so sorry… Take that nurse costume off. I know you didn’t go to med school.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has shared:

I don’t get it when people say they are only a “little” angry, I am either not mad or will kill you.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has shared:

I asked Tom Hanks for his autograph, but all he wrote was thanks.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has viewed:

Don’t stress about your eyesight failing as you get older. It’s nature’s way of protecting you from shock as you walk past the mirror.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has copied:

Tonight we shall read a passage from the old testicle.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has copied:

It took me 5 minutes to do something I’ve been stressing about for 6 months. I will learn nothing from this.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has copied:

I think we should all try to spend more time online. It seems to be helping society.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has downloaded:

Sex is great, but have you ever started slowly picking up speed after sitting in a traffic jam?

Someone from 🇸🇳 has downloaded:

Companies post open positions online and then ask you why you applied to them.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Paid my mortgage so don’t ask me to come out. I’m getting my money’s worth.

Going bananas on Telegram:

Going on dates is hard because do I like them or do I just have sooo much fun being me.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

80 years ago we would have all been institutionalized and I think that’s beautiful.

Just landed via YouTube:

I bought all this healthy food at the grocery store today and now I’m trying to decide if I want Chinese food or pizza delivered for dinner tonight.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

I’m fat because I’m full of experiences, and most of those experiences took place at Mexican restaurants.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

“Can my boyfriend come?” Will he contribute to our conversation, at least one question?

Spotted on YouTube:

As a student, the most comforting words you’ll ever hear are “I haven’t started either.”

Going bananas on Telegram:

Just in case you don’t know, it’s “piqued” your interest, not “peaked”.

Seen just now on WeChat:

“I have a favourite hole”, me, at the pool table.

Seen just now on WeChat:

January 1st: anything is possible. January 2nd: but not today.

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