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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇸🇩 has downloaded:

We were having tea with my mother-in-law the other day and out of the blue she said, “I’ve decided I want to be cremated.” I said, “Alright, get your coat.”

Someone from 🇬🇳 has copied:

Being on Twitter right now is like playing the violin on the Titanic, except we are also making fun of the iceberg and the iceberg is getting genuinely mad.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has downloaded:

Every day I ask ChatGPT if it knows where my keys are and if it ever knows the answer, I’m suing everybody.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has viewed:

Welcome to your 40s! You’re gonna need several doctors, no matter how many apples.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has bookmarked:

My dog understands several human words. I don’t understand any dog barks. He may be smarter than me.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has shared:

Can’t wait to overuse the “My husband said,” “Let me phone my husband,” “I’ll ask my husband.”

Someone from 🇳🇬 has bookmarked:

Twitter is the only place you argue with CEOs and heads of states while sleeping in the kitchen.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has bookmarked:

Text her when the moon looks pretty.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has copied:

Nothing prepared me for the part of adulthood where you look like a baby deer learning to walk every time you get out of bed in the morning.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has shared:

I suck at charging my phone, 21 percent charged, and I’m taking it off so I can lay the other way.

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Updated

Jan 20, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Pinterest:

The best way to contact me is to meet me in my dreams at 3 a.m.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

There’s no reason to be bored flying on an airplane. Use the time to tell the person next to you your entire life story.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Gatekeeping how insanely handsome I am by looking like total shit all the time.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

80 years from now, this comment section will be full of dead people. Write anything you want.

Making waves on YouTube:

Carrying my phone from room to room like a Victorian woman and her lantern.

Going viral on X:

I just wanna be rich enough to not have to run onstage after concerts to get my bra back.

Making waves on Messenger:

If you’re ever wondering what to do in an uncomfortable situation, just think “What would teenage me do?” And then do the opposite of that.

Just landed via WeChat:

Have to wear real clothes on Monday. Pray for me.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

If you say my name three times in the mirror, I show up and kiss you on the forehead.

Live now on Pinterest:

Some women seated next to me are gossiping in French. They obviously think I’m some dumb American who doesn’t speak French and they are correct.

I hate it when someone asks me what I did yesterday. I don’t know. Breathed a lot, probably got mad at something … sighed heavily. The list goes on.

2 months ago

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Sounds like a typical day of Olympics-level adulting! 😅🥇💤

anger, annoyance, breathing, daily, daily routine, frustration, got, hate, humor, i, know, list, lot, mad, me, routine, sarcasm, sigh, someone, something, yesterday

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100 shares on YouTube this month:

It’s hard dating someone who has been single for a long time. Any slight inconvenience, and they’ll crawl back into their peaceful abode. No stress.

57 shares on Threads this month:

Yeah, bro, she’s probably just not using her phone right now, for the first time ever in her whole life.

88 shares on Discord this month:

Diet hack: Spend your money filling up your gas tank so you won’t have money for groceries.

95 shares on WeChat this month:

It’s okay, facial recognition. I don’t recognize myself anymore either.

65 shares on WhatsApp this month:

The sexual tension between me and the person I’m not supposed to have any sexual tension with.

64 shares on YouTube this month:

On the whole, people are getting smarter. I remember when they had to put “The End” on the screen, so people would know the movie was over.

71 shares on TikTok this month:

Please don’t ever speak to me about math. I’ve moved on.

54 shares on Threads this month:

Coffee should be free for everyone Monday through Friday.

92 shares on Instagram this month:

I love how unforgiving soy sauce is. Cause you know immediately when you did too much with her.

75 shares on Instagram this month:

If I climbed all the way to the top of Mount Everest and looked up, then I’d finally see the top of our family’s weekly laundry pile.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇫 has copied:

Movies in the 80s had me convinced that a main part of being a grown-up was staying late at the office and eating Chinese takeout.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has copied:

You can use an egg timer to tell you when your egg is cooked perfectly. For brown rice you can use a calendar.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has downloaded:

The only way three people can keep a secret is if two of them are dead.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has viewed:

My brain has too many tabs open.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has downloaded:

Tried online dating, and it turns out my soulmate is a Nigerian prince who needs my bank details to escape his kingdom.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has shared:

Harry Potter is sort of crazy. I would have never fought a war for my high school.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has shared:

The year number is getting too big, let’s do another Jesus soon.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has copied:

The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was making all of the food that is unhealthy for you taste so good.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has shared:

My most boomer belief is that you can often get a malfunctioning appliance to work again by slapping it.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has shared:

You can be anything when you grow up. For instance, I am very tired.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Twitch:

When you’re dead, you don’t know that you’re dead. But it’s hard for those around you. It’s the same when you’re stupid.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

The pizza delivery guys say “see you tomorrow” to everyone, right?

Just landed via Instagram:

If my fingers don’t motion like scissors snipping when I ask for a haircut at the salon, how will they know what I mean?

Going viral on Facebook:

For introverts, the worst kind of head-on collision is running directly into the person we’re avoiding at the grocery store.

Trending via Messenger:

Life can be so beautiful, you just can’t get sober.

Making waves on Snapchat:

“I’m fluent in creating worst-case scenarios in my head.”

Broadcasted on Reddit:

Everything feels like thinking the stripper actually likes you.

Going viral on X:

Home is where the tap water doesn’t taste funny.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

I get easily confused in the morning. Also in the afternoon and evening.

Trending via Facebook:

If you’re wondering whether something is A.I. or not, A.I. has already won.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I hate it when someone asks me what I did yesterday. I don’t know. Breathed a lot, probably got mad at something … sighed heavily. The list goes on.

Super quick question: does anyone know what the point is?

What happened to the huge corporate Christmas parties you see in all the ’90s movies? Seems like that doesn’t exist at all anymore.

If i had $5 for every time I said up yours to someone, my butler would be saying it for me.

I used to have this mental illness, where I thought logical arguments would change someone’s mind.

People who wear jeans for fun around their house have bodies buried in their backyard.

Even worse than a spider is a spider that just disappeared.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I hate it when someone asks me what I did yesterday. I don’t know. Breathed a lot, probably got mad at something … sighed heavily. The list goes on.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Super quick question: does anyone know what the point is?

What happened to the huge corporate Christmas parties you see in all the ’90s movies? Seems like that doesn’t exist at all anymore.

If i had $5 for every time I said up yours to someone, my butler would be saying it for me.

I used to have this mental illness, where I thought logical arguments would change someone’s mind.

People who wear jeans for fun around their house have bodies buried in their backyard.

Even worse than a spider is a spider that just disappeared.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨