Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇿 has shared:

Ghosting is disrespectful unless it’s me doing it.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has shared:

No, he didn’t ghost you, you just left him speechless, forever.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has viewed:

I want a chiropractor to crack my entire body like a glow stick.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has bookmarked:

Women love deciding to never talk to you again, and actually do it.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has downloaded:

Growing up means choosing cozy couch moments over crowded club scenes. Cheers to adulting!

Someone from 🇮🇱 has copied:

I gave you a follow back, not a Tinder match, don’t “Hey, beautiful” me.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has copied:

Sober in a taxi: Please. Stop talking to me. Drunk in a taxi: … And that, Mick, is why I’m emotionally unavailable, I suppose.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has copied:

Shoutout to coughing on the bus. Haven’t tried it myself but seems really popular.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has copied:

Kinda miss being a child and wondering why the moon follows me.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has shared:

My problem with Christmas shopping is that I keep seeing things that I like… for me.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,492

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on X:

Hanging out with a couple and saying, “May this love never find me,” every time there’s a slight conflict.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Your 20s are for developing attachments to people who will haunt you for the rest of your life.

Just landed via Discord:

For this Halloween I’ve trained my eyebrows to leap off my face and destroy those who’ve angered me.

If you give a man a fish, he’ll eat for a day. But if you teach a man to fish, you’ll get the house to yourself on Saturdays.

3 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
When you teach a man to fish, you gain a weekend of blissful solitude and a fridge full of mystery seafood! 🎣🏠🤔

day, eat, fish, fishing, give, hell, house, humor, independence, man, relationship, Saturday, teach, weekend, yourself

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Santa punched a hole in my wall because I left him soy milk.

0

2 months ago

hole, i, left, milk, Santa, wall
“Autism didn’t exist until recently!” Have you met old guys who work in hardware stores?

0

2 months ago

autism, exist, guy, guys, hardware, hardware store, humor, met, misunderstanding, old, old guy, perception, store, stores, work
Cleaning the kitchen, but saw the laundry, so I watered a plant, and now I’m making a dentist appointment.

0

2 months ago

appointment, chores, cleaning, dentist, dentist appointment, humor, i, kitchen, laundry, making, plant, procrastination, saw, watered
Things will be fine, eventually—in thousands of years—for rocks.

0

2 months ago

fine, geology, humor, patience, rocks, sarcasm, science, things, time
Going out for two days in a row should really be considered an extreme sport.

0

2 months ago

activity, days, exhaustion, extreme, extreme sport, going, going out, humor, life, row, should, social, social life, sport, weekend
April Fool’s next week and still no one has asked me to be their fool.

0

2 months ago

anticipation, April, April Fool, asked, event, fool, friendship, humor, joke, me, next, prank, social, still, week

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

78 shares on Facebook this month:

Don’t forget to have an orgasm today. Partner is optional. Pleasure is not.

52 shares on Instagram this month:

Not to be a nerd, but a well-placed semicolon is hot as hell.

18 shares on Telegram this month:

Hardly a day goes by without me being reminded that an academic degree has nothing to do with intelligence.

55 shares on TikTok this month:

No one ever talks about the 6th love language (being annoying).

48 shares on TikTok this month:

As soon as the sun comes back out, I want a beer. It’s science.

29 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Kinda messed up that the government knows my birthday but never sends me a gift or anything.

32 shares on Pinterest this month:

Your in his DMs, I’m on Etsy paying a witch to put a spell on him.

68 shares on Reddit this month:

I’ve tasted being the bigger person, I’ve also tasted matching energy. I recommend no contact.

45 shares on TikTok this month:

According to the BMI chart, I am too short.

18 shares on Facebook this month:

I wonder if BBQ thinks about me too.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇳 has copied:

I really thought adulthood would be 50% freedom and 50% fun. Turns out it’s 100% bills.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has bookmarked:

The first person to ever throw up was probably like, “Ok, what the hell.”

Someone from 🇮🇩 has shared:

I’m so broke, I owe myself money.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has shared:

Twitter is fun because you can post a pic of pizza and people will get mad at you.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has bookmarked:

Lately, when I meet new people, I ask them what their hobbies are instead of what they do for work, and let me tell you, the conversations have been absolutely top tier!

Someone from 🇻🇪 has bookmarked:

Dear Black Friday… We all have big TVs now, put the groceries on sale.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has bookmarked:

People who work in customer service should be allowed to fight one customer a day. Two on Fridays.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has copied:

Why does everyone always think that I know what I’m doing? Most of the time I watch myself in amazement and am curious to see what happens.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has bookmarked:

Mind if I crawl into your DMs and stay there for a while?

Someone from 🇳🇿 has bookmarked:

Spent most of the day making sure the couch still works. So far so good.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via TikTok:

The fact that I procrastinate and still get the job done is the reason I still procrastinate.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

I’m ready for a new relationship. My past is buried in the backyard, to fertilize the tomatoes.

Going viral on Pinterest:

When I die, I want to come back as a speed bump so I can piss people off.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Sorry, the deadline for complaints was yesterday.

Spotted on YouTube:

What beautiful weather outside. I’m gonna close the curtains.

Making waves on WeChat:

If I like you I keep you close, if not I keep you at a distance so I can mime squishing your head between my thumb and forefinger.

Going bananas on Threads:

The best part about having a crush is when they crush all your hopes and dreams.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Those who still fit in their wedding dresses years later haven’t been making enough effort eating.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Taking a dog named shark to the beach is a bad idea.

Just shared via Threads:

Showing up late with an iced coffee is not about poor time management, it’s about knowing how to make an entrance.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

If you give a man a fish, he’ll eat for a day. But if you teach a man to fish, you’ll get the house to yourself on Saturdays.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Santa punched a hole in my wall because I left him soy milk.

“Autism didn’t exist until recently!” Have you met old guys who work in hardware stores?

Cleaning the kitchen, but saw the laundry, so I watered a plant, and now I’m making a dentist appointment.

Things will be fine, eventually—in thousands of years—for rocks.

Going out for two days in a row should really be considered an extreme sport.

April Fool’s next week and still no one has asked me to be their fool.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨