Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇼 has downloaded:

Handyman to customer: If I had wanted you to watch me work, I would have become an actor.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has copied:

The lion does not concern himself with the few small drops of pee that got on his boxers at the urinal even after he did a few shakes to be sure.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has bookmarked:

Play the Grindr notification noise at Christmas dinner to see which conservative relatives panickedly check their phone ringer.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has bookmarked:

My keys fell in the snow, and now they’re gone forever — time to start a new life under a new name in a warmer climate.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has copied:

I’m already far too stressed as it is. And then you also have to have time to just sit there and do nothing.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has viewed:

Just call me Mother Nature because I can go from hot to cold in a 24-hour period, too.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has downloaded:

Everyone’s gangsta till you’re waiting on your dog to poop.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has viewed:

I’m bringing back “hold your horses” and nobody can stop me.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has downloaded:

“Why do I feel like shit all the time?” I ask myself, while staring into the flashlight that tells me bad news.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has shared:

The sheer audacity of life to ask anything of me today.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,530

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Instagram:

I saw a bird get a worm today. It was about 11 am. So, don’t give up on your dreams, buddy!

Making waves on WeChat:

Blackout curtains are dangerous, because it’s 1 p.m. outside and 1 a.m. in here.

Seen just now on Threads:

My mom be cutting up fruit and bringing it to me in my room without saying nothing. That’s when it hits me, nobody ever gonna love me this much.

Seen just now on X:

I’m blunt because the universe rolled me that way.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Good morning to everyone except people who sit right next to you when there’s a whole room full of empty seats.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

I would describe my personal style as whatever is on top of the pile of clothes on the floor.

Spotted on TikTok:

Eating cookies left for Santa because the cowboy was a no show.

Seen just now on Reddit:

The one thing I think most parents need to realize is, there’s absolutely no secrets that your child doesn’t share about you in the classroom.

Making waves on Threads:

Going from “I can fix her” to “I don’t care if she lives or dies” in the same beer.

Just shared via Threads:

Where does everyone go to get kisses? I haven’t figured this out yet.

My kids asked me what games I used to play on my iPad as a kid. I told them I used to speak into a fan to sound like a robot.

5 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
I used to win every game of "blow-the-fan-away" with my expert robot voice skills! 🤖🌀😂

asked, childhood, fan, game, games, humor, i, iPad, joke, kid, kids, me, play, question, robot, sound, speak, speech, technology, told, used

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Nothing says sexy like a pair of sensible, silky polka dot PJs.

0

2 months ago

comfort, confidence, dot, fashion, humor, nothing, PJs, polka, polka dot, sexy, silky, sleepwear, style
Looks like it’s just you and me tonight, family size Toblerone.

0

2 months ago

dessert, family, humor, indulgence, just, loneliness, looks, me, night, size, snack, Toblerone, tonight
Did I eat too much candy today? My stomach says yes, but my heart says no.

0

2 months ago

candy, eat, food, guilt, heart, humor, i, much, stomach, today, too, too much, yes
You’re in her DMs. I’m accidentally reposting reels of Tibetan foxes because I don’t know how to use the app anymore.

0

4 months ago

accidentally, app, confusion, DM, DMs, fox, humor, i, know, media, reel, repost, social, social media, struggle, technology, technology struggle, tibetan, Tibetan fox
You aren’t from the Midwest unless you can spin out in the snow, regain control and keep driving like nothing happened.

0

2 months ago

control, culture, driving, experience, humor, keep, Midwest, nothing, skills, snow, spin, winter
My laptop is overheating because I am doing a really good job.

0

2 months ago

am, computer, doing, good, heat, humor, i, job, joke, laptop, multitasking, overheating, productivity, tech, tech joke, technology, work

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

76 shares on X this month:

The only way to my heart is with a knife.

78 shares on Slack this month:

I’m not accepting the bare minimum; I need you to shake it to the max.

15 shares on Discord this month:

I smoke weed for my mental health and your personal safety.

14 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

80 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Seriously? I came out of hibernation for this?

50 shares on Facebook this month:

So much anger in this small little body. I feel like a chihuahua.

54 shares on Snapchat this month:

This time last night, there was a spider so big in my bathroom it put me under a glass on a postcard and carried me out.

32 shares on Instagram this month:

If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?

25 shares on Slack this month:

An escape room, but it’s a bean bag chair in a hammock on a water bed in a bouncy house and you’re over 40. Good luck!

95 shares on Reddit this month:

Me, with $33 left after paying bills: Let’s see how much a Land Rover costs.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇱 has downloaded:

Too young to retire, too poor to quit and too fat to strip – so let’s move on.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has copied:

When I learned the word “literally,” that was the beginning of the end.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has copied:

If they treat you like an option, leave them like a choice, and make your exit as dramatic as a Netflix season finale.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has bookmarked:

Not to brag, but I’ve seen Barbie naked.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has shared:

Americans can choose from over 1,000 breakfast cereals but only two presidential candidates?

Someone from 🇹🇱 has shared:

If you are sad, just sing and you will realize that your voice is worse than your problem.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has downloaded:

“You’re so understanding,” yeah, because I don’t want to go to prison for the rest of my life.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has copied:

Your secret is safe with me and my sister.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has viewed:

I want to learn scuba diving but I’m terrified of the orchestral music in underwater documentaries.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has bookmarked:

OK, just so everybody’s clear, I’m going to put my glasses on.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Threads:

People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

I don’t need alcohol to make bad decisions.

Live now on Telegram:

I am “any text received after 9pm will be answered at 6am” years old.

Trending via Twitch:

Women are actually very understanding if you’re honest with them, especially if they like you. You don’t even have to do all that lying.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

So apparently if they ask “do you trust me?”, replying with “well, I trust you to be you” is the incorrect response.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

Men used to go to war, now they want to be the little spoon.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

I love how every website has a “Keep me signed in on this computer” button and it’s just straight up bullshit.

Just landed via Reddit:

Just because I loved you at one point doesn’t mean I will always love you. I’m not Whitney Houston.

Freshly posted on X:

I hope this email finds you in a well.

Trending via Discord:

Sperm me would be swimming in the other direction.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

My kids asked me what games I used to play on my iPad as a kid. I told them I used to speak into a fan to sound like a robot.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Nothing says sexy like a pair of sensible, silky polka dot PJs.

Looks like it’s just you and me tonight, family size Toblerone.

Did I eat too much candy today? My stomach says yes, but my heart says no.

You’re in her DMs. I’m accidentally reposting reels of Tibetan foxes because I don’t know how to use the app anymore.

You aren’t from the Midwest unless you can spin out in the snow, regain control and keep driving like nothing happened.

My laptop is overheating because I am doing a really good job.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨