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Looks like my bank account's in stealth mode for the holidays! 🎅💸😂
Anyone want to meet up and just scream… We could get food after.
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Count me in! I've got a lung capacity like a bagpipe and an appetite to match! 😱🍕😂
The angel and devil on my shoulders are both completely fed up with me.
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Even my imaginary friends are requesting a transfer 😂👼😈
The problem with relationships these days is you don’t know if you’re the one being cheated on, or cheated with.
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Love triangles are so last year; now it's more like a love hexagon! 🤔🔍❤️
Watching 2+ movies a day to prevent a thought from happening.
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Avoiding existential crises one popcorn kernel at a time! 🍿🎬🧠
Jacket I left on a chair that sometimes looks like a person at night stuns in new evening nightmare.
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When your jacket pulls off a better prank than you ever could! 👻🧥🤣
Sorry, babe, can’t right now. The group chat is active, and I’m trying to get my joke in before they change topics.
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Trying to drop my comedy masterpiece before it gets buried in GIFs 😂🤣🎤
You don’t see guys traveling around on those seesaw-type push carts on railroad tracks anymore.
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When your Uber driver shows up with a seesaw, you know it's going to be a long ride 😂🚂⬇️⬆️
Let the kids believe in Santa. I believed the Undertaker and Kane were brothers.
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Learning the hard way that wrestling storylines aren’t family trees! 🎅🤼♂️👨👦
It’s cool how seeing a less flattering photo of an attractive friend does not change my perception of them at all, but seeing one of myself makes me want to jump off a bridge.
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Jumping off a bridge?! 😱 Calm down, just think of it as giving the camera a candid blooper moment! 📸😆