Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇵 has viewed:

Remember it’s Christmas. You need to check your elf before you wreck your shelf.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has viewed:

Every house has a smell that only the people living in it don’t smell.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has copied:

A collective orgasm would fix the world.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has bookmarked:

There is no bigger day for microwaves than the 26th day of December. This is their Olympics.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has shared:

If I were a mouse, I’d say things like “cheesed to meet you”.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has bookmarked:

No thank you, I only like men who have no interest in me.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has downloaded:

I like to minimize the disappointment by being myself right from the start.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has downloaded:

They said I can never go back to that Vietnamese spot. They banh mi pho life.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has downloaded:

I got fired for telling customers if they wanted “smoking or non-smoking”. Apparently, the correct term in the funeral home business is “cremation or burial”.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has downloaded:

“Nothing beats in-person interaction”. Yeah, with someone I know and love, not Denise from finance.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

401 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,670

Funny Quotes Topics

17,703

Funny Quotes Images

15,670

Updated

Jan 12, 2026

Users Online

3,412

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Instagram:

My future husband and I will be stay-at-home parents, and the kids will go to work.

Freshly posted on Discord:

When society eventually breaks down and we are left to rebuild civilization, I hope there are people who still know how to make cheese.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

I forgot to turn my clocks back and, oh my God, you guys are not going to believe the stuff that happens in the next hour.

Just shared via WeChat:

The worst part of getting struck by lightning is everyone seeing your skeleton.

Just landed via WeChat:

You’re never too old to become less of an idiot.

Trending via Messenger:

I love when people start getting filler, and instead of looking younger, it’s just like okay, your face is getting really, really big in all directions.

Just shared via WeChat:

Most of Twitter could probably use a good bop on the nose with a rolled-up newspaper.

Just landed via WeChat:

I didn’t buy that thing I wanted but didn’t need, so I celebrated by buying a different thing I wanted but didn’t need.

Seen just now on TikTok:

I need a new hobby that costs zero dollars and takes up 100% of my free time. So far, all I’ve come up with is mowing the lawn.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Maybe one day a street will be named after me. Or a school. Or a mental hospital.

Too shy for influencing. Too dumb for crypto. Too honest for a scam. Too lazy for 9-5. How can I make money?

3 weeks ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Sounds like you've unlocked the secret level of professional napping! 🛌💤📈

9-5, 9-5 job, 95, crypto, dumb, honesty, i, influencer, influencing, job, laziness, lazy, making, making money, money, scam, self-doubt, shy, shyness, too

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I wish every day had 30,000 hours, and that I had unlimited Adderall and was unemployed.

2 months ago

Adderall, ADHD, day, drug, drug humor, every, exaggeration, extension, fantasy, hours, humor, i, productivity, thinking, time, time extension, unemployed, unemployment, wish, wishful, wishful thinking
The economy’s so tough, people out here eating grass — matcha.

2 months ago

coffee, eating, economy, food, grass, here, humor, joke, matcha, people, satire, tough
Dads hate stopping on road trips because then all of the vehicles they worked hard to pass for the last hour get back ahead of them.

2 months ago

ahead, back, competition, dad, driving, family, family trip, hard, hate, hour, humor, last, pass, passing, road, road trip, stopping, trip, vehicle
If the zombie apocalypse happens we’re double screwed because there are millions on record as having no brain.

2 months ago

apocalypse, brain, double, having, humor, million, sarcasm, screwed, survival, zombie
Sorry for the things I said when the internet was down for 10 minutes.

2 months ago

behavior, digital, digital mood, frustration, humor, i, internet, internet outage, minutes, mishap, mood, online, online behavior, online frustration, outage, said, sorry, tech, tech mishap, things
I love saying “my man” and not his name, so when I get a new one, nobody knows.

4 months ago

boyfriend, dating, humor, i, identity, knows, love, man, name, new, nickname, nobody, relationship, saying, secrecy

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

25 shares on Threads this month:

The recipe I’m making specifically says allow to cook undisturbed, and yet my whole family is standing in the kitchen.

17 shares on WeChat this month:

Forget the alarm clock. Just give me the smell of bacon and coffee.

41 shares on Discord this month:

Grown men carpooling to the strip club so they can get boners and drive home together.

90 shares on Threads this month:

Sparkling water tastes like that feeling when your foot falls asleep.

65 shares on TikTok this month:

Parenting just means you have to pretend you like to eat fruits and vegetables in front of your kids, knowing you’d rather eat a cheeseburger instead.

41 shares on Snapchat this month:

“You’re always sleeping!” God forbid a girl wants to be unconscious.

55 shares on Instagram this month:

Every group chat has that one person who never replies, and it’s me.

65 shares on Slack this month:

I can’t tell if I need coffee, a hug, or to just go live in the woods forever.

22 shares on YouTube this month:

Just the owls and I out here enjoying the breeze amongst the trees.

78 shares on Threads this month:

For Christmas, I’d like to be understood.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇬 has shared:

Roses are red. Violets are blue. I hate the sounds you make when you chew.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has shared:

At first I’m shy, then I’m a podcast.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has viewed:

I don’t need a midlife crisis. My whole life is a crisis.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has viewed:

I’m beginning to think that for some of you, the wheels on the bus do not go round and round.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has shared:

“You’re a cougar!” God forbid a woman gives back to the youth.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has viewed:

Don’t be fooled by what your kids will eat at someone else’s house.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has copied:

Trying to carry a pet to bed is like moving a dense liquid that’s annoyed by you.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has bookmarked:

Wow, this was a really long day of playing on my phone.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has bookmarked:

Can’t wait for the day off from work so I can sit on the couch at home and stare at the TV screen while thinking about work.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has viewed:

I wish I could get a bouquet of mozzarella sticks.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Discord:

Crossing things off my to-do list… I didn’t do them, I just don’t want them on my list anymore.

Just landed via Facebook:

Sorry I’m unavailable… the horrors of reality insist upon themselves.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Every Reddit relationship post is like “My husband dropped a big piano on my head and when I emerged from the rubble my teeth had been replaced by the keys. Am I in the wrong?”

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

Britney Spears working at an ice-cream shop called ‘Scoops, I did it again.’

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Here’s a question for all the mind readers out there.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

“It’s swimsuit season” I say, eating another swimsuit.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

What if instead of Big Mac it was Big Matt and he came out and said hello to you?

Going bananas on Messenger:

Probably the worst thing about the death of print media is the devastating effect it’s having on the producers of traditional ransom notes.

Just landed via Slack:

My cat just knocked over my coffee mug and looked at me like it was my fault. How dare I put it on the edge of the table?

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Too shy for influencing. Too dumb for crypto. Too honest for a scam. Too lazy for 9-5. How can I make money?

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I wish every day had 30,000 hours, and that I had unlimited Adderall and was unemployed.

The economy’s so tough, people out here eating grass — matcha.

Dads hate stopping on road trips because then all of the vehicles they worked hard to pass for the last hour get back ahead of them.

If the zombie apocalypse happens we’re double screwed because there are millions on record as having no brain.

Sorry for the things I said when the internet was down for 10 minutes.

I love saying “my man” and not his name, so when I get a new one, nobody knows.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨