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Looks like your sheets are the real haunted house! 🕯️👻 Better keep them clean—ghosts or no ghosts, nobody wants bed bugs or ghostly residue haunting their dreams! 😴🧼✨ Remember, even spirits appreciate a fresh start! 😉🛏️

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Trending Funny Quotes 👇

French fries are like the lifeboats on the Titanic. They never give you enough.

1 month ago
analogy, food, french, french fry, fry, give, humor, joke, lifeboat, never, scarcity, snack, Titanic
Does no one disappear in the Bermuda Triangle anymore, or is there just too much other news?

1 month ago
bermuda, Bermuda Triangle, current, current events, disappear, events, humor, irony, just, much, mystery, news, too, triangle
When someone yells stop I don’t know whether it’s in the name of love, it’s Hammer time, or I should smell the flowers.

1 month ago
confusion, culture, flower, hammer, Hammer time, humor, love, name, pop, pop culture, smell, stop, time
Cleaning out your camera roll is like the biggest chore ever.

4 months ago
camera, camera roll, chore, cleaning, clutter, digital, digital clutter, ever, procrastination, roll
Miso soup is such a silly name, like “Yes, you so soup.”

5 months ago
food, food name, humor, miso, miso soup, name, pun, silly, soup, wordplay, yes
Starting drama with me the week before my period is an absolutely terrible idea – for you.

1 month ago
absolutely, before, drama, humor, idea, me, mood, mood swing, period, relationship, sarcasm, swing, terrible, warning, week, woman

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Someone from 🇲🇻 has downloaded:

With great power comes the absolute certainty that you’ll turn into a right douche.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has bookmarked:

To the person who stole my place in the queue. I’m after you now.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has bookmarked:

He had the nerve to call me pretty. I’m gorgeous.

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Therapists are like, “You don’t owe anyone anything. Except me. You owe me 250 dollars for this session.”

Someone from 🇫🇮 has shared:

Date night idea: fight another couple.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has downloaded:

How silly of me to forget that I am the love of my life.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has bookmarked:

Standing on a scale and thinking: so much wisdom and inner beauty can’t be light.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Reddit:

Had an interview today, and my belly rumbled. The lady goes, “Missed lunch?” I told her, “Nah, I’m hungry for success!”

Spotted on Instagram:

Just say ‘lol’ and move on.

Just shared via TikTok:

Beware. There are people in the grocery store that you know who want to chat with you. Stay vigilant.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Eating the rest of the donuts will keep me from eating donuts tomorrow. My logic is flawless.

Just shared via Discord:

I once made the irresponsible decision to drink and drive and now I have to live the rest of my days with a coffee stain on my favorite sweater.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

It doesn’t matter how old you get, buying snacks for a road trip should always look like an unsupervised 9-year-old was given $100.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Doggystyle, so we can both look at the river.

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You should always wash your sheets once a week in case they are really ghosts and need a shower.

French fries are like the lifeboats on the Titanic. They never give you enough.

Does no one disappear in the Bermuda Triangle anymore, or is there just too much other news?

When someone yells stop I don’t know whether it’s in the name of love, it’s Hammer time, or I should smell the flowers.

Cleaning out your camera roll is like the biggest chore ever.

Miso soup is such a silly name, like “Yes, you so soup.”

Starting drama with me the week before my period is an absolutely terrible idea – for you.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

If it’s a ghost ship, why does it have to be on water?

Apparently I lack empathy, according to some stupid cow in HR.

I just shaved my legs and man, the next 7 minutes and 34 seconds before it starts growing back is gonna feel amazing.

Reverse cowgirl because first dates are awkward.

I could never work in an aquarium. I would have a penguin under my shirt at the end of the shift.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

You guys ever play a game for hours straight? You start hallucinating the sounds.

My wife had a dream that I have a secret second wife named Linda. Now, when she’s mad at me, I just say, “Linda wouldn’t get mad about that.”

Why do men stay in the car for minutes after arriving home?

My therapist said this to me, and it hit me like a brick: “They’re not your friends if they disagree with you or try to challenge you.”

Vacations are expensive, but how else could you put a price tag on your kids being ungrateful in a different city.

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Old people like to golf every day because they are so sick of everyone’s shit and just wanna repeatedly whack something.

Nowadays you don’t even have to go to the zoo. A trip to the mall is enough.

Now I understand why old people sit outside just to sit outside.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Welcome to your 40s. Your ability to be sneaky will now be hindered by your bones cracking when you walk.

It’s only a family vacation if you think “We’re never doing this again” at least once.

They should invent a situationship that turns into something beautiful.

A massage is not enough, I need to be rolled through a pasta machine.

If you don’t know how many x-rays it takes before a person develops super powers, should you really be in a medical profession?

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You should always wash your sheets once a week in case they are really ghosts and need a shower.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

French fries are like the lifeboats on the Titanic. They never give you enough.

Does no one disappear in the Bermuda Triangle anymore, or is there just too much other news?

When someone yells stop I don’t know whether it’s in the name of love, it’s Hammer time, or I should smell the flowers.

Cleaning out your camera roll is like the biggest chore ever.

Miso soup is such a silly name, like “Yes, you so soup.”

Starting drama with me the week before my period is an absolutely terrible idea – for you.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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